Who's The Boss?

Photohunt: Red

Darius with Santa.

For all my photo hunting friends, check out my giveaway for HP Photo Books.  Enter to win one by Saturday.

To my prospective employer who is googling my name,

I know that this day would come.  I’ve heard about it on the Today Show and in articles.  I knew that with the invention of MySpace and Facebook, employers have a glass ball into the lives of their current and prospective employees.  I’ve read about how one's conduct on the internet can get that person fired. 

When you googled my name, you didn’t find much.  I know, I’ve googled myself to see what you see.  I don’t have a facebook page or a myspace account.  I don’t twitter or cr8buzz or whatever the latest and greatest is today.  It’s not that I think anything is wrong with these social networking sites.  I just don’t have the time.  I barely get around to shaving my legs once a week and that is hard enough.

Besides, even if I had the time to join all the groups and make friends and leave cute comments, I’m not sure I would.  My life is pretty boring.  Between working, and commuting, and cooking dinner, and doing a load of laundry every night, I really don’t get much action.  Ask my poor spouse, even he doesn’t get enough of me.  We are working parents balancing grad school with work with sleep with a dearly adorable three year old boy. 

You see, Mr. or Ms. Prospective Employer, I’m just a working mom.  If you read this blog before you make any judgments about me, you’ll read about my obsession with my son AND my work.  You’ll read about how I am working on being a more balanced person.  You’ll see cute photos of my kid and how I’m working on being a better mother.   You'll see that I am ready for a change and am looking for a new opportunity that fulfills me.

And before you label me into a mommy track, you’ll see that I have always been in the top 10% of performing employees.  Just like Harvard doesn’t accept applicants that only have a high GPA, you shouldn’t settle for a person that only cares about work.  I have a tremendous amount of experience – both professionally and personally – that I bring to the table.  I won’t let you down.  And I won’t let me down either.

Yes, I write on this little blog. This is my space.  This is my face.  This is where I come to write about my life.  My experiences.  But you?  Well. you really aren’t important here.  This place is all about me.  If you hire me, my office will become all about you.  Deal?

I'm running for "co-worker of the year"

My office buddy, Neil, just started his own blog.  Neil is part work-BFF, part big brother, part co-conspirator.  He's the only person at work that I implicitly trust.  We have a virtual vault where I can vent about work stuff and know that it is safe and will never be repeated.

So when he told about me about his new blog this morning and then brought me lunch after I blew off our lunch plans, I felt compelled to shamelessly plug his new glob (no that's not a typo - read his first post to know why). 

When I think about leaving this company, my biggest pain point is to know that I won't get to hang out with Neil everyday.    So dear readers, go give some link-lovies to my bud.

Give Away!! HP Photo Books

I have 3 (yes, count em three) HP Photo books to give away.  If you have ever created a hard bound book on Shutterfly or Kodak Gallery, you will love this.  Love it.  Using HP's super-friendly software and your own digital photos, you can create your own scrapbook pages that you print on your own computer.  It's easy-peasy.

I have 1 large and 2 smaller books in this contest.  To spread as much holiday goodness, three lucky readers will get to take one home.

The rules:

• Comment on this post by Saturday, December 1, 2007 (don't forget you need a valid email adress). 
• One comment per person, please!
• I'll only ship in the continental US, so if you live outside of that, well sorry but that's the rule.
• Three winners will randomly be chosen and announced on Monday, December 3rd. 
• I'll do my best to get these suckas shipped by Friday, December 10th - but remember this isn't my day job so don't get pissy if you win and don't immediately get the book.  a'ight?

Is your biological clock ticking?

A professor and doctoral student at Duke University came up with a logical mathematical model that can advise women on whether to have kids early (in their 20s) or wait until their career is established (in late 30s or even later). 

Interestingly enough, the model does not provide a univeral answer for all women.  Instead it looks at three main factors in a woman's life: Professional, Social, and Familial.  Depending on the priorities for a specific woman, the model will provide an ideal time to conceive.  It even factors in age-related concerns of diminishing fertility or an increased likelihood of conceiving a child with a genetic abnormality.  In some scenarios, the model suggests that having a child much earlier may be a better long-term solution than waiting until a woman is more established in her career.

The study has created quite a buzz on The Juggle where women are trying to support or refute the study by anecdotal experience (forgetting that the researchers clearly state there is no cookie-cutter answer).  I personally think the model is totally and utterly fascinating and would love to get my hands on it as a part of our decision-making process to have (or not have) more children.

I just wonder how they'll factor in that more babies in this country are unplanned than planned or that women are getting married later in life.  My lovely child was an "accident" after an antibiotic interacted with efficacy of my birth control.  He was born 5 days before my 26th birthday.  And there was no factoring in whether or not this was the ideal time to have a child.  We were having a baby, whether we liked it or not.

But... the analytical, pragmatic me wants to see if, even though we didn't pick the timing, how having a baby earlier or later would affect my career. 

Thanksgiving recap

17 guests

26 Pounds of Turkey

12 hours of brining

4 second-degree burns on my hands from trying to get that damned turkey out of the roasting pan

7 sides dishes brought by guests

6 appetizers

2 kinds of pie (pumpkin and pecan)

21 potatoes peeled and cut for mashing

2 trips to the grocery store

8 times I cursed Safeway.com for ordering all my ingredients online and having it delivered incomplete thus requiring two trips to the grocery store because I was so pissed off I forgot stuff on the first trip.

7 calls to my dad for last minute items like the creamer, chicken broth, and extra serving spoons.

4 hours to clean the house before Thanksiving

3 hours to wash the dishes after Thanksgiving

1.5 hours a certain three year old got to stay up past his bedtime

4.5 hours of sleep before getting up at 3am to get ready for the 4am sales on Black Friday

2 meals I've already eaten with leftovers

364 days  before we get to do it all again

Giving Thanks

"The hardest arthimetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings." - Eric Hoffer

"Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others." - Cicero

"In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican." - HL Mencken

In comparison, he's an angel

The week before last, Darius spit on a little girl at school.  They were sitting across from one another and she did something he didn't like.  So he spit on her.  On her face.  When I arrived at the school for pick-up, his teacher made a bee-line to me.  I knew something was wrong, but I didn't fathom that my sweet child would do something so utterly disrespectful like spit in another child's face.  His friend's face.  I was so livid that you could see the smoke coming out of my ears. 

When we arrived home, I couldn't even stand to look at him.  So I sent him to bed.  Straight to bed.  No dinner, no shower, no changing into pajamas, no books, no cup of warm milk.  I couldn't believe that my child had done something like this.  I knew that I was over-reacting.  I knew that the punishment shouldn't involve depriving him of food.  But I was so pissed off, it was all I could do to not blow up.  To not scream and shout and potentially strangle him.

Darius took his punishment without a fight.  He walked with his head down into his bedroom and stayed there.  He knew what he did was wrong.  He said sorry a million times.  But he had to learn that "sorry" doesn't cut it.  Sorry doesn't change the course of events.  Sorry doesn't wipe out consequences. 

I didn't sleep that night.  I was ridden with guilt.  I was afraid that I may have broken his spirit a little.   I mean, the kid isn't even four.  And I gave him a punishment that was far too mature for a child.  But even more afraid of giving a punishment that was too harsh, I was more afraid of not.  Of not disciplining, of letting him think he could get away with it, of brushing it off as normal, or "boys can be boys." 

And then I heard of this story on the radio. A 10 year old boy playing with matches who started one of the LA fires last month which destroyed people's livelihoods and thousands of acres of land.  And I wonder how his parents are dealing with that doozie.  It makes my son's spit in the face seem inconsequential.  I couldn't imagine being that boy's mother.  I couldn't imagine hearing a confession from my child that he was playing with matches and it got out of control.  I couldn't imagine how I would handle that one.  Or would I be too busy protecting him from the potential criminal and civil suits that would be sure to follow. 

I know that parenting includes dealing with these tough moments.  I know that this won't be the last time that my son's behavior is less than stellar.  And I know that I have to learn how to deal out a fair punishment.  But right now.  Right this very moment, I'm grateful that we could handle our issue with a sincere apology letter.  I'm grateful that there is no media coverage or talk of prosecution over my son's lapse in judgment. 

I'm grateful that I'm not the parent of the 10-year old boy whose curiosity killed more than just  the cat.

Accessorizing

Yes, that is a Thomas the Train character band-aid on my finger.  These are the only band-aids we have in the house.  And I'm wearing one.   At work.  I am that cool.

I'm in my corporate clothes with Percy on my finger. 

How you doin'?

A new era in recruiting

I'm in the midst of my job search.  When I started at this company almost 7 years ago, there wasn't much in the realm of online engines. In 2001,  I think I posted Monster and Hotjobs.  It was easy to find jobs but most seemed to be for temp agencies.  Needless to say, I wasn't impressed.  I literally had to go to every company that I thought would be a good match and search for positions, set up a profile, and email my resume. 

Fast forward to 2007 and my, have the times changed.  There's more job boards that I can keep track.  LinkedIn for ones in my personal network, Dice for technical jobs, Monster and Hotjobs for a whole slew of full-time and contract work.  Half the time, you still have to go to the company site to fill out the profile, send the resume, etc.  But at least I can search for the jobs in a smaller set of places.  And get exposure to smaller companies that otherwise would have been left out of my search. 

But with the empowerment of the internets, I also feel more open to prey.  I'm getting at least three bogus recruiting emails a day.  Ones for paying to have my resume reviewed and improved.  Ones for new college grads (did you not read my resume?!?).  It's fun reading these blanket templates that don't have anything to do with the kind of work that I do.  Like this one:

"During a recent search, your resume matched the requirements of our client’s job description. Our Client is looking for someone with your professional background and training for an important role.

Included is a copy of the job description for your review. If you are interested in further exploring this opportunity, please respond to this email with an updated version of your resume A.S.A.P. or this position may be filled by another candidate.

Title: Risk Manager
Location: New Britain, CT

Education:
B.S. in Finance, Risk Finance, or Risk Management (MBA with a concentration in Finance a positive), ARM certification preferred...."

First off, I don't live in Conneticut. In fact, I live on the other side of the US.  The sunny, liberal, pay a million dollars for a piece of junk house side.  Second, I don't have the qualifications.  No MBA, my degree is in Feminist Politics, and my work experience is in Business Operations and Program Management.  Hardly seems to fit. 

I wrote it off.  But then later, I got a phone call.  I normally don't pick up my cell at work, but I didn't recognize the number.  Since I'm in the job market, I figured it would be in my best interest to actually pick up the phone. 

I put on my professional voice and kindly said "Hello, this is Robyn."  When an automated voice began speaking.  It was telemarketing call for the recruiting company!  WTF?  When did recruiters get outsourced into telemarketing?  An automated phone call telling me to check my email ASAP for this hot job opportunity.  A job on the other side of the country in which I'm not qualified. 

If this is what it means to to job search nowadays, I might be better off staying where I am. 

I rock. Really, I'm rockin'

And it's not just me that thinks so.  Glennia, who writes on a bazillion blogs (ok, only 5 but I still find that incredibly impressive), has awarded me with the Rockin' Blogger award.  Basically, it means I'm too cool for school.  But I think the real reason is that she was shocked I remembered to pay her back when she so generously covered me at the Mommy Track'd conference. 

As a part of the honor, I am supposed to pass on the award to fellow bloggers that I think rock.  Even though I've been doing this blogging thingy for nearly 18 months (starting first at Silicon Valley Mom's Blog before launching my own blog seven months ago), I still feel like a complete newbie.  All I know is that I feel like I have something to say.  And I love reading from other writers who have something to say too. 

I know, enough with the Kumbaya.  And onto the awards. 

Xiaolin Mama - partly because she's the only blogger I know that lives in my neighborhood.  And partly because she is just cool. 

Susan who writes at Working Mom's Against Guilt.  First of all, I am still jealous that I didn't come up with that blog name myself.  Genius!  Second, the site is a collaborative site of working moms that keep it real in their writing from everything from a fast, healthy meal to how they dealt with missing the preschool Halloween party. 

Heidi who writes at Viking Conquest.  She's my token international reader.  But more than that, this momma can write.  Go check out her blog as she writes about her family's adventures spending a year abroad in Norway.

Photohunt: I love _____________

this man.

this child.

Me and Mine Meme 100

1) State the name of your blog, your online name, and your about page.

• Who's the Boss?
• BirdieRoark (my real name is Robyn)
• About page (gosh, I feel like I need to gussy up the page now)

2) Yes, I want to be profiled on BlogHer as a family blogger.

3) How long have I been blogging? 

• Since the Summer of 2006 as a contributing writer on the Silicon Valley Mom's Blog (18 months)
• I launched my own blog in May on 2007 (7 months)

4) Three others that I think should be profiled:

• Susan
• Bongga Mom
• Lia

Damned if you do, Doomed if you don't

.... is the title of a new report about working women.   The report found that women who act in ways that are consistent with gender stereotypes — defined as focusing “on work relationships” and expressing “concern for other people’s perspectives” — are considered less competent. But if they act in ways that are seen as more “male” — like “act assertively, focus on work task, display ambition” — they are seen as “too tough” and “unfeminine.”

Boy was this a validation of everything that I've been feeling in my career.  I am assertive.  I am focused.  Yes, I am out of the closet about my mom status.  But it doesn't matter.  I act more like one of the guys at work.  I have one picture of my family at my desk.  One piece of art that Darius and I did in art class over a year ago.  It's not that I don't love my family.  I just have to compartmentalize my life from work.  It's how I get through the day without choking on the guilt.

Year after year during performance review season, I'm always told that I am "intimidating," "agressive," or "too tough."  Yet, during the rest of the year those qualities are praised by getting the toughest projects, by handling more escalations that anyone else on the team, by being brought in as the "ace" that can get things done.  The rest of year my skills are sought after.  But when it comes to review time.  Well, then suddenly I need improvement. 

I've decided that I'm calling them on it.  I want specific examples with including the context of the situation.  I'm not rude.  I'm never unprofessional.  I don't get caught up in office gossip.  I don't berate folks or treat them like idiots (even when they act like it).  I just cut through the work BS so that we can stay on time, within budget, and still get home by 6:00pm. 

Bu the kicker for me, is that if I acted more feminine.  If I acted more like a girl, then I'd be told I was too "soft," could "tow the line," not "management material." 

I honestly don't know if I feel better or worse.  Right now I just feel pissed off knowing that no matter how I play the game.  No matter how much I do or don't contribute.  No matter how many times I put work in front of my family or visa versa.  It doesn't really matter.  Because, no matter what, I'm not going to win.  I'll just keep on keeping on.  Because at least now I know, it doesn't really matter anyways.

Confession

N and I don't get much "alone time" these days.  I'm spending my evenings on job boards.  He's in school finishing his MBA (only two more quarters to go!).  We both end up in bed exhausted.  We used to talk about how much sex we aren't having.  But that even has ended.  It's that bad.

So after a three week dry spell, D finally going to bed without a fight, and my laptop battery biting the bullet, we finally had time to do the deed.  Or at least no excuse to not do it.  Yeah it was nice.  No details will be given.  I'm not that kinda girl. Afterwards, N and I laid in bed spooning.  It was so great to cuddle up to the man I love.  I'm not a particularly cuddly person, but it feel warm. safe. right. 

N fell right to sleep.  And I lay there in his arms.  Thinking about our 8 years together.  About how we used to sleep on my tiny twin bed in college and now we feel cramped in our Queen.  About the beauty of our son and how after all these years we still can't communicate if one of us is tired or hungry.  I lay there just loving my man. 

And then.  Something unimaginable happened.  Without any control.  I tried to pull away, but N held me tighter.  I tried to escape.  Tried to get away before it was too late.  But I couldn't.  I was trapped.

I farted on Neville.  The man I love.  Who was asleep and innocent.  I farted on him.

Do I tell him?  Or do I just let it go (literally)?

Four Season, Graco, and the divas of SV Moms (or how I spent Sunday afternoon)

Instead of Sunday afternoon being a leisurely family day, I spent my afternoon sipping wine at the Silicon Valley Mom's Blog party sponsored by Graco.  Don't I look like I'm really listening in that photo.

Honestly, the party was a blast.  I drank three glasses of cool white wine, pool side at the Four Seasons.  Enough to be able to soldier through a kid party at Chuck E Cheese's afterwards but not so much to where I couldn't drive.  Finding the perfect wine-sober ratio isn't always an easy feat.  But yesterday the stars aligned and I was good.  real good.

Favorites from the evening:

• Getting my hands massaged in the best smelling lotion from the Four Seasons.  I could have drank the lotion;  it smelled. that. good.
• Laughing incredibly hard with Kimberly when three ladies came out in their bathing suits.  We thought they were with us and that there would be shedding of clothes and a new mommy-bonding experience of showing our stretch marks and sagging bosoms.  Yeah, they weren't with us.  But the belly laugh has bonded us anyways.
• Graco making a swing that plays tunes from your i-pod.  Not that I have an i-pod or a baby.  But still.  Way cool idea.
• Mary Tsao complimenting my hair and my new shoes.  When a mommy-fashion icon compliments you, well, lets just say my ego swelled just enough to make me feel great and not so much that I couldn't fit my head in the door.
• Finally getting to pay Glennia back for buying me booze at our last get-together.

**Photo courtesy of Graco.

Photohunt: Flexible

Hey at least it isn't Christmas before I get these Halloween photos loaded

Ego Maniac

Mom: "D, I think you are a pretty cool kid."

Darius:  "I know I'm cool, mom." 

Mom: "Oh you do now?  How do you know you're cool?"

Darius: "I was BORN that way.  I'm super cool."

NoNaBloPoMoFoDisMa

Ok, if you aren’t into National Blog Posting Month, that reads “No National Blog Posting Month For This Momma.”  It’s not that I don’t want to do it.  Ok, it is just a bit too intimidating for me.  But honestly, I posted my rules which include no/limited blogging on the weekend. So really, I just had bad timing.

Although, I am thrilled that some of my favorite bloggers are participating.  So I’ll be reading lots and trying to comment more than usual (to make up for the lack of comments that are related to the fact that so many bloggers are writing every day).

Maybe Plain Jane Mom (another NoNaBloPoMoFoDisMa) and I can meet up for a cocktail or go shopping or frolic in fields of clovers while the rest of the blogging world is stuck in front of their computer.

It feels quite liberating to be a rebel. 

Photohunt: Classic

During the summer, D and I went to a local county fair.  At the fair, there was a race car.  I'm not a NASCAR fan, but I hear it is a classic American past time, like apple pie and the Superbowl.  Personally, I'll take the pie.  But my kiddo loved posing in front of the car.  There definitely is a NASCAR fan in the making.

My grandma's 85th birthday is this Sunday.  She is a classic example of her generation: God-fearing, patriotic, fabulous cook and homemaker.  She has had a rough couple of years due to poor health.  But she still prays for all her friends and each family every day during her devotional.  Happy Birthday Grandma!  We love you.

In case you're afraid of getting dooced

Check out the sister site of True Mom Confessions, True Office Confessions.  It is an anonymous sounding board.  Some of my favorites (no, I didn't write these!):

• I deserve an Academy award for best performance in a comedy. My boss thinks I care.
• The boss won't be in for next 2 days.... WOO HOO!!!
• This isn't an office. Its Hell with fluorescent lighting
• I bet whoever started that whole "live in the moment" thing didn't spend too many of his moments entering data.