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    « December 2007 | Main | February 2008 »

    January 2008

    January 30, 2008

    The reasons why I did it

    The most interesting aspect of quitting my job was the kind interrogation from my co-workers about why I was quitting.

    Where are you going? How did you find out about the position? Why are you leaving?  What job searches did you use? How long did it take?  Where else did you interview?

    For those that read this blog, you'll know that I came to the decision three months before I actually gave notice. But I had been unhappy for much longer.  I struggled with the fact that while I love the people I worked with and had many close co-workers that supported me, I didn't have a good work-life balance and I didn't feel challenged in the right ways. 

    I had been thinking about moving on for over a year.  During this time, I kept going back to the fact that I loved the people.  My best friend worked with me.  I had lunch buddies and bitch-fest buddies and stay-till-midnight-to-finish-a-deadline buddies.  I valued the people more than I valued myself or my needs.  That's how awesome the people were to me. 

    But the scales were tipped so out of balance that it was hard for me to do my job.  I gained weight, I slept poorly at night, I gave up some of my own happiness to get the job done each and every day.  My sarcasm at work reached a critical point.  I was jaded.  I was burnt out.

    I did a little searching for reasons to leave, deciding to quit, and all that.  I stumbled upon Penelope Trunk's post on having a good job.  So I took the test.

    In my heart and now in my head, I knew that it was time to move on. The long commute, little control over outcomes, and incredibly challenging work without clear goals were the deciding factors.  While the amount of work I was doing wasn't totally out of control, the type of work made it exhausting.

    And all the wonderful people that I worked with and lunched with and gossiped at the water cooler with couldn't change that.

    I can spout off a dozen "what if" scenarios that would have changed my decision to leave.  But none of those what ifs were real.  None of them were what was happening in my life or at the company.  Like many relationships that go bad, our timing was off.  I wanted more.  I needed more.  I deserved more.

    In all honesty, it was one of the hardest decisions of my professional career.  I probably made it harder than it had to be.  And while it is too soon to tell if the grass is greener over at this new company, it is certainly different.  And on terms that work for me.

    January 29, 2008

    not quite the same

    One of my former co-workers emailed me this photo of my old desk.   

    Miss_me

    Its a poor reflection of my grace... and it is not as interesting to engage in conversation.

    But its sweet to know that they miss me. 

    Miss you too, guys!

    January 28, 2008

    Please don't bring your baby to work

    I don't know how I missed this gem of an article from earlier this month.  But whoa.  Really?  And can I please not work there?

    For those of you like me that missed the article too, the gist of the Time story is that there is this new trend to allow employees to bring their babies to work.  And while for most of us that would mean having an adequate day care facility on campus, oh no, in this case it means actually bringing your baby to work.  To have little Peggy Sue sitting on a blanket next to you while you do your office work stuff.

    And all I can seem to think is "Who the hell does that?"

    I mean it's one thing to bring your kids in when you have no other choice.  Up until recently, I worked from home every Friday.  On the occassion that I needed to attend a meeting in-person and I couldn't arrange for alternative child care, I have brought my son into work with me.  And not without letting the team know that I had no other choice (and not without putting pressure to move the meeting to a day in which I did not have a child in tow). 

    I understand the need to have flexible options for working parents.  I wish that the image of corporate America included on-site childcare, understanding management, flexible work force, better benefits. 

    But is bringing your baby to work the answer?

    How do these parents juggle both work and parenting at the same time?  How do you keep a child properly entertained, educated, cared-for, with age appropriate activities?  What happens when you need to attend a meeting?  Does the kid come along with you?  And god forbid you are potty training.  I don't even want to know how you'll manage that one.

    On the rare days that I have brought my child to work (I can remember 5 times in the nearly four years he's been alive), the day was HELL for me.  I had to figure out a way to keep him occupied so that I could still work.  I still remember the time that I threatened to hang him by his toe nails after he attempted a mad dash out the door - yelling at the top of his lungs.  Those moments of balancing both at the same time are in the top 10 worst moments of motherhood for me.  It was so not fun.  Not balanced.  Not productive.

    Maybe I'm not the right demographic for the bring-your-baby-to-work campaign.  But I think I'm a fairly-typical working mom.  And I think that I have a pretty well-behaved child as far as a well-behaved three year old can be (except for the running through the halls incident). 

    But I'm still having a hard time believing that this could work. 

    January 25, 2008

    Photohunt: Old-fashioned

    Old-fashioned: adhering to customs of a past era

    Neville's family is Indian; Parsi to be exact.  So when N's brother became engaged, their mother started planning a Mendhi celebration.  Mendhi is a tradition wedding custom. But we decided to do it with a twist.  Mendhi_1

    The bride elected to have a scaled-down version of Mendhi.  Traditionally the bride would have hands, palms, and feet decorated in fine detail.

    Mendhi_2 Men and women were invited.  The old-fashioned custom is to have women only. 

    Photo of Neville (left) and the Groom.

    Mendhi_4

    For fun, we put a little henna on the newest addition to the family.

    January 24, 2008

    Ch...Ch... Changes...

    There are some upcoming changes to the Who's the Boss? site.  I'm making this little blog legit.  In the upcoming weeks, you'll see BlogHer Ads added to the site as well as a new design (btw, if you know of any fab web designers that will help me on the cheap, please email me at whosthebossblog at gmail dot com). 

    If you haven't noticed, Who's the Boss? now has it's very own domain.  So update your bookmarks to http://www.whosthebossblog.com.  Go ahead and do it now, I'll wait. 

    And very, very soon, I'll be posting a contest to create a new tag line for the blog. The prize?  Oh, I can't tell today.  But it's gonna be great.  So get your creative juices flowing and start writing down those catchy tag lines.

    And seriously, if you know of a great person to help me in the re-design, please email me. 

    January 23, 2008

    look-a-like

    So I'm sitting in a meeting with a big wig, introducing myself, and making relationships.  You know the drill.  I'm the new gal and I need to meet ump-teen million people before I can actually get any work done.  It's very weird to have to build up my reputation at a new company.  I'm used to just walking in a room and people knowing who I am.  That's what you get for staying in the same place for seven years. 

    Anyways, I'm in this meeting getting the "big picture" for the organization and how the program I am about to run fits into the big picture, when it hits me.  This guy looks like The Penguin. And not in a good way.  As if there could be a good way. 

    Penguin_180

    Holy Crap, Batman!  It's the penguin!

    Civic duty

    I am sitting at the County Superior Court waiting for my jury panel to be called into court. Part of me wants to get on the jury. A bigger part of me wants to get back to work.

    Waiting is so NOT fun.

    Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

    Update: After waiting in the packed jury for 90 minutes, the case was settled and all 40 prospective jurors were released.  Total let down.  I at least wanted to plead my case as to why I shouldn't be selected.

    January 22, 2008

    new diggs

    The good

    • It took me under 20 minutes to get to work this morning without ever having to get on a freeway.  City streets all the way baby.  I'm pretty sure I can get that under 15 as I learn the alternate routes to the office.
    • My desk is about twice the size that it was at the former company.  I no longer feel like I'm in the rat race.

    The bad:

    • The office is a bit drab.  Beige floors, beige walls, beige everything.
    • My badge photo is the worst photo of all time.  Oh, it's oh so bad.

    The Ugly:

    • Having HR discuss the severance policy during new employee orientation. Is it an omen?

    January 20, 2008

    Destiny

    What's better than quitting a job to go to small(er) company?  How about three days before you officially start, that smaller company is acquired by one of the largest software companies in the world?

    Seriously.  I left big giant corporate America to a minor league player.  Only to be thrust back into the big leagues before I even start.  Good times!

    I'm laughing so hard I'm crying.  Or at least that's what I'm telling family.

    I don't know what this all means other than that God has a twisted sense of humor.  I do know that my experience over the last 16 months in working for a Fortune 10 company (which is leaps and bound different than working for a Fortune 500) will definitely be put to use. 

    And without all the emotional attachment of working for a company for six years and then watch it get picked apart in an acquisition and have to mourn all that once was better/different/comfortable and say good-bye to good people... well, none of that exists this time.  So in some respects it may be easier.

    Or I may be looking for another job sooner than I expected. 

    January 18, 2008

    Photohunt: Important

    So I'm not trying to go too political on this blog.  But it is voting season in the US.  Over the next month, many of us will be lining up at the polls to cast our votes in the Presidential Primary election.  It is very important for every able American to stand up and vote. 

    White_house To represent the importance of voting, I bring you a picture of the White House.  Taken on my short stay in DC a few years back.  My grandmother stated that she wanted to see the White House before she died.  Wish granted.  We spent four days in DC, touring the White House, seeing the Capital building, going to the various monuments.  It was the only time in my life that I have travelled with a baby (Darius was 1) and a Senior Citizen.  Needless to say, there were lots of rest stops along the way.

    Vote Photo from inside the Capital building.  The quote reads, "We defend and we build a way of life, not for America alone but for all Mankind."

    January 17, 2008

    crash

    On the way to lunch today, I was in a car accident.  The police report will look something like this:

    Car #1 (of which I am a passenger) was stopped at an intersection waiting for a car ahead to make an unguarded left turn.  Car # 2 hit car #1 in the rear since she's an idiot and not paying attention to the cars that have been stopped for nearly a minute.  Frickin' idiot.

    Ok, so that may be my version of the story.  But it is all true.  Especially the idiot driver part.

    After a visit to the doctor, I have some super duper pain meds to help take the edge off the fire in my back otherwise called "soft tissue injury."  Plus a muscle relaxer to take a bedtime.  And since I'm a nice girl, I went back into the office after my visit to the Minor Injury Clinic to finish up on a report. Afterall, my last day is tomorrow.  It's not like I can call in sick and rest for the remainder of the week - even if that was what the doctor ordered.

    My co-workers are taking me out tonight to a Happy Hour.  It's the farewell, let me buy you a drink, why did we never do this before you quit, happy hour.  I will be ordering a stiff drink to go with my industrial strength pain meds. 

    It's gonna be a fun night....

    The One-box Rule

    Att000012 I am a firm believer in the "one-box" rule for corporate America.  If you have never heard of the rule, it's easy.  Keep your personal effects at work to a minimum - no more than what would fit into one box.  It keeps your desk from looking like one that belongs to a crazy woman that collects every kind of nic-nac.  And it makes it easy to move on.  My one box will stay in my trunk (minus the wine, that will be opened on Friday dinner) and then transfered onto my new desk on Monday. 

    What's in it?

    Att00001 My fake orchid.  I can't keep plants alive at work.  So I have "planted" a fake one into a beautiful pot with real bark. 

    My handy dandy pockets guides for Project Management.  Those bad boys come in handy when I can't remember the exact details of something I should remember the exact details.   

    A picture of Neville and Darius. Although, the photo needs to be updated.  Darius is just two in the photo and he is nearly four now.

    A butterfly craft project (water colored coffee filter with old fashioned clothes pin for a body and pipe cleaner for antennae) that Darius did in an art class.  It was his first gift to me.

    A carved box from India that a co-worker brought back from his travels.  I use it to hold spare change so that I can grab a soda or something from the vending machine. Especially useful on a bad day when a bag of peanut M&Ms and a Diet Coke are stand-ins for lunch.

    A coffee cup that I decorated as a part of my first team building exercise in the corporate world.  It holds all of my pens and office stuff.  It's functional and has a splash of color.

    A bottle of hand lotion, a travel sewing kit, a few bandaids, clear nail polish, and a nail file. Otherwise known as the "Working Woman's Macgyver kit."

    Oh and buried deep down below, where you can't see in the pic- my two different coffee cups.  Those are muy importante to my success at work.  I only hope the grass is greener at my new job when it comes to the coffee situation.

    January 16, 2008

    Apparently I'm hot in South America

    When I set up this blog nine months ago, I did all the things my blogging friends recommended.  Signed up for Sitemeter, Google Alerts, Google Analytics, Technorati, etc.  I had no idea what the value was and quickly forgot all about them.   But since I only have 3 days left at my current corporate gig and I'm not working full days, I figured I go check out who is checking out Who's the Boss? 

    Turns out I have quite a following in South America.  Hola! to my readers in Peru, Argentina, Chile. Who knew!

    And I'm going to chalk up the spike in traffic coming from my corporate domain as to me sending out the good-bye letter (no, it didn't mention the blog).  So, hello current co-workers!  Since you guys never comment, I don't know who is reading and who isn't, but it's comforting to know that we'll keep in touch in a weird, passive, you read my blog kinda way.

    Oh, and I see can see Heidi from Norway coming through (hi there!). 

    The majority of my readers are from the Valley - about 75 percent of you.  And the rest of are scattered throughout the US - I can only assume from my debut at BlogHer07 last year in Chicago. 

    So hellooooo to all. 

    Alright, this post came out incredibly more boring that intended.  I'll be better tomorrow. 

    January 14, 2008

    Hillary Clinton, Feminism, and the 2008 Vote

    I've read and re-read the piece by Gloria Steinem in the NY Times.  I've read the many critiques about the piece from women, men, and people of color.  While I'm not sure that I have anything else to add to the discussion, I feel the need to get onto my feminist soapbox that I purchased with a good amount of dollars (and years) in getting a Feminist Politics degree.  So bear with me as I figure out my thoughts on this whole election, race vs. gender issue, and whether or not to vote for a black man or white woman.

    When I started college, I was pretty dead set on majoring in mathematics.  Looking back, I'm not sure why exactly.  I think it was mainly because I was good at it.  I certainly wasn't passionate about math.  It came easy to me.  I am a logical person.  Math is logical.  Plug in a number, use a formula, get an answer.  Very logical.  Very easy for me to comprehend.

    After a year and a half of taking calculus, linear mathematics, advance calculus, super-advance calculus for math majors, statistics, mathematical theory... I was so over math.  Without the passion, math became a chore.  I started skipping classes, even failed a couple.  Not from lack of skill, but from lack of trying.  Math was boring.  And I was faced with a grim reality that I would be doing this for the rest of my life.  And doing it for another 11 weeks to finish the quarter was already sending me into full blown depression. 

    On a whim, I took a general education class called Intro to Feminism.  It was taught only once a year, by the very esteemed Bettina Aptheker.  A couple of the women on my dormitory floor where taking it.  And since it fulfilled a GE requirement, I decided to take it too. 

    That course changed my life. 

    Two weeks into the course, I called home and told my parents that I was switching my major from mathematics to Women's Studies (now called Feminist Studies).  I had found my passion.  I was learning about social deconstruction and reading about Gloria Steinem and the Feminist Mystique.  I was taking courses taught by Angela Davis and Karen Brown, amongst other accomplished feminist scholars.  I was a feminist.  Not a man-hating, lesbian, kill the patriarchy feminist.  I wasn't extreme.  But I saw the world in a different light.  And even though my feminist roots were clearly about Western Feminism and lacked much of the Third-World or Grassroots perspective, I was a feminist. 

    I graduated college not that long ago.  In this decade.  But it surprises me how women who are my age and women who just a few years younger... Women who will undoubtedly benefit from the Women's Movement of the 70s and 80s, have no idea what Feminism is.  They think the playing field is level because more women now graduate from college, because their mother's work, because they can be a US Senator, because there have been a handful of female CEOs and women in high power positions.  They don't understand the historical significance of women wearing pants or burning bras.  They don't understand how gender and race and class are still major barriers in this country.  In this world.

    No.  Instead they site examples of reverse discrimination.  They make comments about how race doesn't matter.  About how they are not going to vote for Hillary Clinton just because she is a woman.  About how she cried on TV (although I didn't see any tears) or about how she is a bitch or not genuine or lacking authenticity.  They say all of this with the twisted perspective that the double standard no longer exists.

    And that really makes me mad. In fact, it pisses me off. 

    It irks me that we Americans talk about how democratic and free is this country.  Yet we have never elected a woman or a minority to the highest public office.  Meanwhile, many of the countries that we so publicly point out as being oppressive, corrupt, and against women's rights - those same countries have had women in power.

    It kills me that there are people in this country that still believe a woman cannot be President.  That a woman cannot stand at the pulpit and preach.  That a woman cannot work without sacrificing the sanctity of her marriage or motherhood.  It kills me that we choose to not look at the double-standard that still exists for women in the god ole USofA.  That we pretend to "see" Hillary as a bitch or not authentic or whatever media buzz word is being passed around today instead of critically examining the lens in which we looking through in the first place.

    I'm not saying that Clinton is the best candidate for the job.  In all honesty, I haven't decided who I am going to vote for in the primary.  But I am sick of the discussions about Hillary's hair, her *almost* tears, her decision to stay with her husband after his very public affair, her lack of softness.  We say we want to judge a candidate by the contents of their character, but then we play childish playground politics when it comes to Hillary. 

    Someday, potentially this year, America will elect its first woman president.  And no one can still answer why it has taken so long.  It's far too obvious to me as to why Clinton is portrayed as she is in the press and with other candidates.  Men don't like women in any position of authority, let alone president of the most powerful nation in the world. And from the gist of the media reports and polls, women don't either.

    I am excited to potentially not only witness a historical moment of electing a minority (yes, I am including women as a minority) but to actively take part in the moment.  But I'm sick of the divisive, forced choice of race or gender.  You can't just play identity politics.  Pick a candidate based on their platform.  Based on their experience.  Don't base it on the color of their skin or their gender.

    January 13, 2008

    hopeless romantic

    Me: "God, Neville.  You stink!  Go take a shower."

    N: "Baby, just pretend your making love to homeless man."

    January 11, 2008

    Any one else eat a half a pan of brownies last night?

    Any one?  Hello?

    January 10, 2008

    the good-bye letter

    In my professional life, I've never been a fan of the good-bye letter.  You know the one - where the soon-to-be ex-coworker spams everyone's mailbox with some phony little speech about how much they loved the company and everyone there but have made the decision to leave.  My favorites were the people that sent the email to every single person in the company.  I always thought it took big cajones to think that there that many people that cared you were leaving.  When I would receive these from strangers, I often wanted to reply back with a curt "Who are you??"

    Of course, I never tired of the people that sent out the nasty good-bye email.  The ones that talked about what an asshole their manager was or how they were thrilled to finally be leaving.  The ones that not only burned the proverbial bridge, but the whole village with innocent women and children.  My favorite co-worker would always save those ones and pull 'em out on a rainy day to make us all laugh. 

    Yet after seven good years at the company, I feel compelled to write some sort of informal email that gets blasted to all of the people that I have worked with, past and present.  Something that just says "I'm leaving. It was mostly fun.  Keep in touch." But the Martha Stewart wannabe in me thinks that I should send individual notes to the people that I want to keep in touch in with and forget about sending something out to nearly 500 people who probably don't give a rats about my departure.

    And while I do have enough dish on people to write that nasty letter, my heart isn't in it.  I don't want to burn the bridge.  I feel like I'm leaving while I'm on top.  I'm not leaving bitter or resentful.  I'm not leaving with a chip on my shoulder. 

    I'm still on the fence about sending a good-bye letter.  Should I send the email blast?  Should I write individual notes (to about a dozen people)?  Or should I just forget about it?

    January 09, 2008

    I see dead people

    Please check out my latest post at the Silicon Valley Mom's Blog about our day at the Body Worlds 2 exhibit.

    "As a mother, I was drawn to the exhibit on pregnancy.  I could see what an embryo and then fetus looked like from conception to birth.  I caution you, it was mildly disturbing.  Seeing the work brought back some painful personal memories for me.  My little son was fascinated; I think too young to understand that some mother had to lose each one of these babies in order for us to see them on display.  But I decided to make it a learning experience and we talked through how babies are made, and grown inside of mommies – the first talk ever of this kind for us."

    January 07, 2008

    In transition

    This week is going to be a tough week.  It's the week where I officially start transitioning all of my work.  I have 11 active projects to transition and train. I feel a little guilty about having to push my very full plate onto others who already have full plates.  This team is supposed to double in size over the next year, but right now there are just three of us.  And in two short weeks, I will be gone and two will be left behind.

    I don't plan on actually gettting any work done per se over these 10 business days.  I plan on bringing on the other people into all of my active projects and ongoing operational tasks.  It will be my job to train; their job to start the work while the subject matter expert (ahem) is still around to help.

    I am also trying to not tear up each time someone comes up and says how much they've enjoyed working with me over the years.  I'm not good with good-byes.  I know this is a small valley and many of our paths will cross again.  I know that my closest work buds (hi guys!) and I will continue to have Dim Sum lunchies.  But I the fact is that, for many of the people I work with, my last day here will be the end of our relationship.  We will lose touch, move on, forget.  And it is that, know that this is the end, well, it makes me... not like this part of starting something new.  It makes me sad.  And then reach for the tissue.

    January 06, 2008

    Trying on two kids for size

    D_and_b

    A few days ago, my I had the pleasure torture experience of having two kids. My god-daughter, Bella, came for a day long visit.  Her older tween brother decided that he was too cool to hang out with his Auntie Robyn and elected to go to the movies with his friends.  Whateves.  I am totally cool.  The coolness is oozing from my pores.

    Having two kids in tow, roughly 15 months apart, isn't easy.  I was never one of those crazy women that wanted their kids close in age.  (Yes, if you have kids that are close in age, I just called you crazy).  I wouldn't be able to cope.  If Darius and Bella were still in diapers or required to be held or needed bottles (or worse, boobs), I would have jumped ship.  Sometimes it is good to know your weaknesses.  Now don't get me wrong, I don't think I'm better than you if your kids are close in age.  I just know my limits.  And for me, that was one kid. 

    After 6 hours with a 3.5 and 5 year  old, I was crazy.  Good god, those children were wild.  It's like they fed off of each other's energy.  They tore up my home.  I think there are actually track marks from them running around the house.  I got to experience what it is like to have a head-strong, princess of a girlie girl.  Bella will be one powerful woman when she grows up.  She just had to learn that in my house, I'm the Queen.  Smart kid, caught on pretty fast.

    At the end of the day, I was worn out.  Neville came home early (bless his heart) and took the kids on an hour journey to the park.  Neville has the best fatherhood skill - the ability to run children into the ground.  Those kids came home, tired, hungry, and sweet as pie.  The nastiness had run right out of them somewhere between running a half mile to the park, playing on the swings, and running the long way home. 

    I don't know if we will ever have more kids.  We talk about it.  But I have a feeling that our biological clocks won't starting ticking again until it's too late.  Right now, I know that we've made the right decision to wait.  Trying on an extra kid for a day was a good test drive.  But I was glad when our family of three returned.  I'm not ready to trade in.

    January 03, 2008

    It's the little things

    A couple of weeks back when only two people at this company knew I was leaving, I grew sick a tired of the bad coffee, the bad parking, the locker-room smelling stairwell.  I chronically was bitching about the unfair working conditions of this giant corporate empire.  I'm used to working in high tech. Which is code word for "good coffee, free snacks, and decent lighting."

    So my buddy Neil and I went onto the office supply website and ordered creamer.  You know, those cute little International Delights vanilla flavored creamers.  Some people need pens and paper to do their job effectively.  I need something better than generic powdered creamer that smells (and tastes!) like baby formula. 

    Now coming into the office isn't so bad.  Knowing that I have my own stash of decent creamer for my coffee.  And one that masks the fact that truck stops have better coffee than what is served in our breakroom.  The box has 193 single serve creamers.  I doubt I'll even make a dent in the box before my last day.  I'll pass it ceremoniously to my co-workers on my last day.

    Whoever coined the term "Don't sweat the small stuff" never had to drink the coffee here.  Making my own little victory over it, well, people. I'm here to tell you that it's all about the little things.   Especially when it's vanilla creamer.

    Two weeks notice

    I've accepted a Senior position at another company and have given my resignation letter to HR and my manager.  Take a deep breath with me.  And then scream WOO HOOOOO at the top of your lungs.  Doesn't that feel good?

    I have a dozen reasons for leaving.  But the biggest one for me is that I need to get things done.  At the end of the day, I need to feel like I've accomplished something.  Our new parent company is too traditional, too slow, too bureaucratic for my taste.  Every day I've felt like I'm throwing myself at a brick wall with the hopes that this time I'll break through.  It's insanity. 

    I am so thrilled to move on to the new role, new company, new manager. It's going to be tough learning the ropes at a new place.  It's never easy.  But my spirit has already been refreshed.  It's like breathing clean country air after living in the city.  Your lungs wake up and you feel vibrant.