Who's The Boss?

Finding Courage with Maria Shriver

Last night, I not only got to hang out with the fabulous writers of the Silicon Valley Mom’s Blog and eat ice cream.  I also had the great opportunity to meet and speak with Maria Shriver.

The night was a blur.  A whirlwind, really.  But a quiet one.  Maria is not a storm.  Her energy didn’t overpower the rest of us.  For a moment it was as if we were all just old friends sharing a bowl of ice cream and gabbing about our ambitious husbands. 

She was totally honest about what it is like growing up in the Kennedy clan where nearly all of her role models were either in office or running for office.  The amount of pressure to be successful was more than intense.  I couldn’t imagine growing up in a family where your father founded the Peace Corps and your mother founded the Special Olympics.  How could you ever do something grand enough to top that? I loved when she said the gift to her children is the message that “you are enough. That they don’t have to do something for me to love them.” 

One of the last questions asked of Maria was about how she juggled her high profile job with her family.  Being a working mother, I was so curious to hear her response.  She spoke of how at first she thought she could juggle it all.  After four months of bringing her baby with her around the country and world, she had enough and tried to quit.  NBC moved her out of the primetime news and into special projects.  With each child, her job responsibilities decreased by choice. 

Her response felt so real to me.  I often wonder if we ever decide to have more kids how I will juggle working full-time with being a full-time mom.  It seems like the only way to do that is to give up being my full-time self.  How can I possible put myself above work and family?  I’ve been fantasizing about getting laid-off and starting out for myself.  Becoming an independent contractor.  Setting my own hours.  Billing my own clients.  Having my own business cards that don’t reference a position at a multi-billion dollar company. 

Honestly I’ve been too afraid to make the jump.  Fear of not making enough money to support my family.  Fear of not having enough connections to find work.  Fear that I’m really not as good as I thought I was.  Fear of failure.  It’s been holding me back.  The fear of not succeeding on my own keeps me in a safe place.  I know I am a successful employee.  But can I make it as a successful business?

Maria went on to say “I shouldn’t have tried to shove it all together.  I didn’t have the courage to say that I wasn’t going to work at all.”  And that’s when I knew that I need to be courageous.  We can’t afford for me to not work at all – we’ve done the math, it’s not possible.  But we can afford for me to find a way to go into business for myself.  To finally be THE boss of my own life and career.  Will I quit my job tomorrow and dive deep into consulting?  Probably not.  But I’m feeling a whole lot braver about taking that leap. 

I don’t need to be the cowardly lion.  I am working on finding the courage to make the leap of faith. 

You can read more about what Maria Shriver said during our Mom's Night Out at Silicon Valley Mom's Blog.   A review of her new book, Just Who Will You Be?, is over at my very neglected review blog.

And the WTF Award Goes to...

A new children's book written by a plastic surgeon to explain the growing trend of mommies going under the knife for implants, tummy tucks, and nose jobs. 

Supposedly, the book illustrates how the bandages are just temporary and that the kid will get a new and improved mommy in no time.

I'm all for women who want to get their bodies back after child rearing.  Because, really, for most of us our bodies look nothing like they did before kids.  If you have the money to blow on plastic surgery and it's going to improve your self esteem, I say go for it.  Who am I to judge?

Just make sure that you are doing it for the right reasons and not because you feel like you've somehow failed because your body didn't "bounce back" like the celebrities you read about in the check out line at the grocery store. 

And for the love of all that is sacred and holy, do NOT buy this travesty of a book.  Or tell your daughters that they get a "prettier" version of you.  Because that is just wrong. 

And since when did nose jobs become a part of the mommy makeover?  Last time I checked, I did not give birth to my eight pounder through my nostril.

My first radio interview!

Come listen to my interview at the Family Life Network about how I think bringing your baby to work is a bad idea.

I don't sound so bad, considering the call was at 7:00am in the morning and I hadn't had a cup of coffee.  Good thing it's radio - I don't have a face worth seeing that early in the morning.

John McCain's Guide for Women in the Workplace

Remember the royal a-hole that told me that women don't have to worry about our careers. I should have realized that he was just a good old boy Republican.

Senator John McCain opposes a bill that makes it easier for women to sue for pay equity in the face of gender discrimination.

Clearly for me to get ahead, I just need to be giving head.  I can't believe this guy even stands a chance at the Presidency.

Image from Comedy Central

Photojournal: Chinatown, San Francisco

Par-tay with Mommy Bloggers

In my senior year of college, Thursday was THE night to go out.  We would head downtown for a night of drinking and smoking at the Red Room.  And we always ended up at 99 bottles - a bar that served that many varieties of beer.  Once you tried all 99 varieties, you would get your name on the wall.  There were 7 of us that share that little plaque.   Some would wander off the the once gay bar (but had become a popular spot for the hetero's too) for a night of 80s dancing.  But that wasn't my favorite place to be.  I love 80s music - but after four songs of 80s style dancing, I'd be over it.   My favorite was to be sitting around some dingy table with my friends, telling stories, laughing, and drinking. 

I felt like I had a glimmer of that past last night hanging out with Xiaolin Mama, Not Just a Working Mom, and Go-Go Mommy.  We ate (a lot), we drank (even more), and we bonded in ways that only mommy bloggers can - by shamelessly talking about our kids AND our blogs.  And while I no longer smoke (I gave that up years before Darius was born), it had all the same elements of those crazy Thursday night outs.  We even had a flaming ball of cheese.   

Only this time instead of getting to sleep in until my noon-time class, I had a human alarm clock poke me in the eye at 6:58am. 

Bitch is the new black

As of now, it looks like I'll have to interview to keep my current job in the new world company. At first, I was a little irked.  I mean, don't they know how cool I am?  But when I tried to figure out why exactly I was irked, I realized that my dissatisfaction with having to justify my value to the organization really doesn't make sense.  Afterall, I've only been with this company for 3 months.  Add to that the programs I was hired to create and manage all centered around a system that won't survive this acquisition.  And while I have shown some value (like reducing a $78 million dollar problem into a $30 million dollar one in just 7 weeks) and some folks may be impressed with what I have accomplished in such a short time, I'm still the new kid on the block.

I get it.  I'm the newbie.  I'm the one without the history or knowledge of how this company does business. But I am also a rockstar.  I've never had a bad performance review.  I've never had an unsuccessful project.  I am a fast learner.  I'd like to think that after a cup of coffee in the morning, I'm one of the smartest folks on the team. And I get things done. 

I've never been called a bitch to my face.  But I'm sure I've worked with folks who thought I was too tough.  In fact, I know I have.  Hey, it doesn't bother me.  I can be a bitch.  I'll proudly wear that label.  Because like Senator Clinton, like the token female executive, like the most career-focused women, bitches get things done. 

TINA FEY: Maybe what bothers me the most is that people say that Hillary is a bitch. Let me say something about that: Yeah, she is. So am I and so is this one. [Points to Amy Poehler]

AMY POEHLER: Yeah, deal with it.

TINA FEY: You know what, bitches get stuff done. That's why Catholic schools use nuns as teachers and not priests. Those nuns are mean old clams and they sleep on cots and they're allowed to hit you. And at the end of the school year you hated those bitches but you knew the capital of Vermont. So, I'm saying it's not too late Texas and Ohio, get on board. BITCH IS THE NEW BLACK!

Challenge: No TV for a week

This week is a national TV Turnoff Week challenge.  At first glance, I figured our household hardly qualifies in the too much TV watching category.

When Darius is awake, we don't watch much TV.  If he's lucky, he'll get to watch part of a 30 minute show on PBS one morning during the week.   On Saturdays, we walk to our local library where we check out videos to watch during the weekend.  We pick out non-kid movies for the adults to watch after he's gone to bed.  And he gets to pick his own DVD - my only rules are that they cannot be violent (no Power Rangers) and that they can't be one we've picked before.  Because, really, what parent needs to watch The Wiggles Down Under in Syndney more than once?  If he's lucky, he'll get to watch the video twice before we return to the library the following Saturday. 

So on an average week, I'd say that my child watches under two hours of TV a week.  Not bad considering the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends under two hours PER DAY. 

But when you factor in how often the TV is on when Darius is not around, well, then you can deduce that the adults in our household have a problem.  From the moment Darius' bedtime routine starts, my MIL has the TV on.  If I'm not the one reading the dozen books to Darius, I'm probably right next to her on the couch.  I've found that the sitting down and vegging out has become my way of dealing with the stresses in life.  I'm on the go from the moment I wake up and stay in GO-Mode for my day at work, to cooking dinner the second I walk in the door, getting tomorrow's lunches packed, and trying to squeeze in a few more emails before it's 8:00pm.  Some days are down right exhausting from dealing with whiny people at work to a whiny toddler at home.  And that big screen TV has become my comfort blanket. 

So this week, I am turning off the TV for me.  Darius too, but he doesn't get enough TV to even know what he's missing.  I plan on reading some books, finally putting away the rest of the laundry, finishing a magazine that I bought 2 months ago and still haven't opened, and taking an evening walk around the block.  The TV in our house will most likely still be on come 8:00pm.  But it won't be me watching.   

I'm sure I'll eventually regret it

Tonight at 5:52 pm, I taught my son how to make farting noises with by blowing "raspberries" onto his forearm.  Like all boys, he hasn't stopped since he figured out that mom thinks its funny.  I wonder at what point I won't think it is funny and find the whole thing inappropriate.

Please hold me back before I show him the wonders of the arm pit technique.

I can't wait until he shows off his new skilz at school.  This will be fun considering we already have a parent-teacher conference set up for next Monday.

Questions for Pamela Paul - you ask, she'll answer

I am just about finished with an awesome new book by Pamela Paul. It's titled Parenting, Inc. How we are sold $800 Strollers, Fetal Education, Baby Sign Language, Sleeping Coaches, Toddler Couture, and Diaper Wipe Warmers -- and What It Means for Our Children.  Try saying that in one breath. Whew.

More exciting that reading the book, I get to actually speak with the author.  I am so excited.  For those of you who are not familiar with this book, it is authored by the same fabulous woman who wrote Pornified and The Starter Marriage.  I haven't read The Starter Marriage, but Pornified is a must-read for any budding feminist (or anyone that wants to learn evolution of pornography from 1950s Playboy centerfolds to a multi-billion dollar industry). 

But I need your help.  Really, you should have seen this coming - afterall, last week I talked about just how great you are all.  Now I'm putting you to the test. 

Help me come up with interview questions.  Don't feel like you know enough about the book?  No problem.  Go over here to read an exerpt.  Go ahead, I'll wait.

Now what should I ask?  Or what you do want to know?

What's coming this week (or where I try to make a post where there is none)

We had a great weekend here in sunny Northern California.  The weather was just perfectly perfect to spend the entire weekend outdoors.  And we took advantage of it. T-ball practice, a walking trip to the library, a day trip to Chinatown, and an afternoon with family in Foster City.  We spent more time away from home than at home.  And it shows.   

I'm suffering from a weekend hangover.  There are folded clothes everywhere but no able bodies seem to be able to put any of it away.  Dishes have piled up from the the entire weekend where I kept saying that I would get to it later, but wouldn't you know "later" has yet to become "now."  Our bedroom, while never all that organized, has hit a whole new level of chaos that I really didn't think was possible.  It is quite embarrassing. Not a single person will be going into that room.  If I could stay out, I would. 

It is really a sad, sad way to end a wonderful weekend; looking around the house and thinking "Good God, I've need a whole other weekend to get this house in order."

Before I can focus on the blog (which believe me, I'd rather be focusing on), I've got to tend to my house like a good little lady.  And besides, I'm out of clean underwear, but I know that I have it clean somewhere, just not in my drawer.  And really, we don't need to think about me not wearing panties now do we?

What I plan on writing about just as soon as I have a smigde of household sanity:

** Photo-journal of our day in Chinatown in San Francisco - just as soon as I find the memory card reader that I'm hoping is hiding under one of the many piles of laundry.

** Getting to interview for my position as a part of the acquisition.  Yes, for the job I already have.  Isn't that fun.

** Speaking with a Christian Radio station about my post on bringing your baby to work.  I find so much irony in the situation.  Who would have thunk it that my first radio interview would be for a religious station?  I'm sure my mother would be so proud. 

There will be more, I promise.  If you don't hear from me in 24 hours, send a search party.  There may have been a laundry avalanche in my living room.

He clearly needs more Jedi training

Last weekend, one of the channels we get on our extremely basic cable service was having a Star Wars weekend.  All six played back to back.  Or maybe it was just the first three which are now called the last three since George Lucas went and made a prequel trilogy to the original trilogy.  And thus totally confusing the hell outta me.  Episode IV is really the FIRST movie.  And I totally don't get it.

Anyways, as I was flipping through the channels, I landed on the beginning of the first movie, err episode IV.  My mother-in-law confesses that she HAD NEVER SEEN STAR WARS.  My mouth hit the floor.  I was the kid that had her hair braided into Princess Leia buns on the side of my head.  My brother  had all the Star Wars toys that I would accidentally break and put away when he wasn't looking.  We had toothbrushes with R2-D2 on it for goodness sake.  And yet my MIL has no idea about the coolness that is Star Wars. 

I made her watch.  And I made her listen to all my very lame insightful commentary.

Meanwhile, Darius was outside helping his dad put together a storage shed that is item 4 on a list of 1,268,947 things to do in the backyard before D's birthday party in June.  Darius slowly meandered in and started watching with us.  The force is that strong in our household.  He could sense it from outside and was drawn into my lap to watch a movie that was pivotal in my formative years. 

Or I just called to him to "come see momma." 

I didn't let him watch very long.  But I figured it couldn't hurt him.  Afterall, I was about his age when I saw The Empire Strikes Back in the movie theatre.  If Neville wasn't around (Mr. No -TV!), I so would have let Darius watch the whole thing.  It has swords light sabers that make cool noises, a bazillion army-men Storm Troopers that shoot lasers, space ships, and a hot chick who always is in need of rescue.  Come on, he's bound to love it. 

He ended up getting in about 30 minutes.  And I am such a good mom, I turned the TV off during the commercials to save him from being duped believing that AXE spray actually makes women want to have sex with you.  When it was time for him to shower and get ready for bed, we said good-bye to Star Wars.  Literally.  Darius waved good-bye to the TV.  And Neville was none the wiser about our TV escapade.

Until this morning.

Darius asked to watch Sesame Street when he woke up.  With eyes still closed, Neville said "It's too early.  It's not on, buddy." And since we seem to be the last household in America that doesn't have a Tivo, our poor child would have to wait until 8:00am when the show airs on our local PBS station. 

To which Darius replied, "Then I want to watch the show with the white mens."

Needless to say, both of Neville's eyes popped open.  I'm sure he had visions of me subjected our son to gay porn from the looks on his face.  So before Darius could say anything else, I blurted out that I let him watch a little of Star Wars and then said something along the lines of how lame Neville can be about that no-TV rule except for Sesame Street (which I break all the time when I work from home with Darius, but will never admit).

From the looks on Neville's face, I think he would have been happier had I told him the mens-show was really gay porn.  But thank gawd, it was way too early for Neville to actually get all fussy about situation. 

I told Darius that when he gets little bigger, I'll let him watch the WHOLE movie.  But for now, he'll just have to read a book.  Because it is too darned early to be watching TV.  Or be out of bed, for that matter. 

Since when did Jedi's get up at the crack of dawn?

Thanks for taking a chance on me

For the last two years, I've been a fairly closeted blogger.  While I've never written under a pen name, I haven't been fully upfront with all of my friends and family about blogging.  It's not that I haven't wanted to have my own blog launch party (any takers on sponsoring that one?).  I just haven't wanted to censor myself knowing that my grandma is reading. 

How most of you fab readers have found this blog is a mystery.  I'm assuming I had a loyal following from the Silicon Valley Mom's Blog that joined me on this journey to my own blog nearly a year ago.  I've let a few of my closest co-workers and friends in on the secret.  And I've started to tell my family that I blog - but I've never sent out the URL.  If you google my name, you'll find me here.

But I'm not totally convinced my mother fully understands what "google it" actually entails. 

Robin (no, a different one - I'm with a "y") at  The Other Mother has called for a Reader Appreciation Day.  She had me at her shot of Madonna.  And so this post is dedicated to all of you. 

You guys are the best.  I've never had a trolly remark.  I've never had anything but the upmost support and love and bloggy goodness.  I'm having trouble putting into words my appreciation to you dawlin'.  And so wrap up my thank you to the words of ABBA.

Come on, admit you never saw that one coming.

Those of you who know me in real life know that I am not a very touchy feely person.  I'm not much of a cuddler and hugger.  But today...  Today I open up my arms and fully embrace all of you in a warm hug from the bottom of my heart.

Doesn't that feel good?

It's a man's world

Many generation Y'ers and whatever hip name we're giving people under 20 these days don't think we need feminism.  I mean, really, what did it ever do for women?  Besides give us some equal rights, a better chance at equal pay, and the ability to be more than a housewife if we "choose" it be more than that. 

But today, feminism is archaic. Right?  Wrong. 

Just today a lovely male co-worker told me that he wished he could be a woman in the corporate world "because you don't have to worry about a career and can just focus on a steady job that pays. The husband always has to think about his career."

Asshat.

If I just wanted a job that "pays" why would I continue to work here?  Why would women be going to college at record highs?  Why are there more of us in management positions?  Why do we continue to juggle work, life, and family?

Futhermore, not every working woman is a working wife.  And for those of us in marital partnership, well, many of us are making more money than our husbands.  Many working women are THE breadwinners.  And not only do we bring home the bacon, we fry it up in the pan, serve it to our children, wash the plate, bathe the kids, put them to bed, and do it all again the next day with little or no help. 

Nothing frustrates me more than realizing that I still work in a "man's world."  And no matter how much I give, there will always be idiots like this guy that think since I am a woman, I am somehow less than. 

And lucky me, I get to work with them.

Confusion

Even with two years (in June) of blogging under my belt, I still feel like a complete newbie.  I am not a freelance writer.  I do not write books for a living.  I am not savvy when it comes to Terms and Agreements.  And other legal stuff.  I started blogging, not to get famous.  But to say stuff.  Stuff that mattered to me.

I can't talk in details now (I promise, when I can I will).  But there is potentially a great offer on the table for me to get additional exposure on this little blog.  At first, I was like "Sign me up!!"  But then other women that I respect and who have been around this bloggy block for longer started asking questions.  Very valid, thought-provoking, why-didn't-I-think-of-that questions. 

And now I wonder if I am getting the short end of the stick.  But didn't know it was the short end because I still have trouble figuring out which way is up when it comes to the business of blogging.  I'll admit that I feel just a tad bit unprepared for this whole thing.  And I wonder if it is all moving too fast (if two years counts as fast) or if I'm just completely overreacting because someone asked a better question than me. 

I don't have much time to make a decision.  And in my gut, I'm fairly certain I'll be signing on the line. But this is unchartered territory for me.  And I am so very confused.

Link love Friday - Send some to my dad!

My dad wrote a post over at the Silicon Valley Mom's Blog about what it is like being an Art Teacher in a Public School. 

"I began teaching art in high school in the mid 1970's, left in the 1980's [due to Prop 13] and returned to teaching in 1994. When I began in the 70's, I received about $2000 in budget money to be used for the 28 students in each of my five classes, and my curriculum gave my students a sampling of experiences in drawing, painting, and crafts. When I returned to teaching in the mid 90's I was surprised to find that not only had my class sizes grown to 33+, but my budget had been reduced to $800. That's right, $800 is my entire budget to keep my 160+ students actively engaged for an entire school year."

Please go over and leave a comment.  He's a blogging virgin and I would love to encourage him to continue to write.

Clarity

After a long day in an integration planning meeting on Tuesday, all of us participants went out to dinner.  The dinner was supposed to be an opportunity for some of us to get to know the soon-to-be colleagues outside of meetings where we are drilled about systems, data migrations, and other incredibly boring topics.  Since I just wrote about social networking, I wasn’t going to pass on the opportunity. 

What I wasn’t prepared for was that it would really turn into a Working Parent’s networking session.  Out of the 6 women there, 4 of us have children.  And there were a couple of dads that are highly involved in their children’s lives.  Even one dad that works out of his home office to care for his daughter since he’s wife’s job requires more travel.   It was fascinating. 

Over three hours and too many glasses of wine to count, we talked about life as a working parent.  How we juggle it.  I truly enjoyed hearing everyone’s stories.

-- The part-time working mother that has learned how to deal with lack of promotions and the daily corporate pressure of getting her to work full-time. 

-- The career executive who could financially afford to be a SAHM but is determined to have it all.

-- The dad whose teenage kids are getting their first part-time jobs, asking for cars, applying for college – and proving that it really doesn’t get any easier as they get older.

-- And me, the working mother who could never afford to opt-out but daydreams of getting laid off and taking a short break from the corporate machine.  And yes, I told them all that.

When I had Darius in my mid-20s, there was no way that I could opt-out.  After the mortgage, my college loans, and the part-time daycare (we had family to help subsidize the cost), there was little left in take home pay to cover much else.  But it simply was not possible to not work.  Because most of our expenses necessary regardless of a child or not.  We weren’t going to sell the house.  My college loans wouldn’t magically get paid on their own.  We still had to eat.

Four years later, I am closer to a point in my career where I could potentially opt-out (for a year) or work part-time.  I’ve been incredibly career focused – making sure I worked on top projects with top visibility.  I’m confident in what I do.  I know I’m a great project manager.  I also know that I can change the terms of how I continue to pursue my professional accomplishments.  I’ve been working on that.

I’m not afraid of getting laid off.  Not even in a bad economy.  I know that I have enough connections, a solid reputation, and ample amount of “chutzpah” to land on my feet.   I’m also not afraid of getting the job offer and staying.  I’ve learned a tremendous amount from my former job to realize that not everything is at it seems.  I may find the perfect arrangement there.  It’s clearly too soon to tell. 

After hanging out with the working moms and dads, swapping stories, sharing tips, shamelessly plugging our imperfect parenting styles, I walked away that night feeling bonded to my new colleagues for the first time.  We all had so much in common.  We all laughed with one another as we laughed at ourselves.  One thing was for sure:

We love our kids.  And we love our careers.  And there is room to love both. 

It's Batman

First I met the Penguin.  Yesterday, I was in a meeting and in walked Michael Keaton. 

He looked more like the Mr. Mom version and not so much the super hero version. 

I wonder if I'll meet The Joker next.

Foreplay

The scene: Two corporate worker guys that never have seemed to touch a toner cartridge before trying to figure out how to replace it into the jumbo share printer.

Me: Watching from my cubical (about three feet away from one of the three printers in our tiny half-floor of 20 people)

Guy 1: I already opened a helpdesk ticket.

Guy 2: I think we can do it ourselves. fumbles, opens container, opens printer

Guy 1: still standing there looking nervous as if the toner will explode and we'll all be covered in black ink

Guy 2: pulls out old cartridge, shoves in new, replaces front cover

Guy 1: puffs out chest like he's just hunted and killed a wooly mammoth for his tribe

Guy 2: I guess you should go cancel that helpdesk ticket. Looks over at me and winks.

Me: Totally swoons for man that is old enough to be my father but knows how to change the toner in the printer.  Good God, when did I become so easy?

Wanna be on top?

Nicole - my blogging twin that joined SV Moms at nearly the same time I did and created our own blog within a week of each other - nominated referred this wee blog to Alltop.com.

Whoever is in charge of approving new blogs to the list just may get fired when Guy Kawasaki realizes that they've allowed riff raff in with the likes of Dooce, CityMama, Izzy, and Crazedparent.  So I took a snapshot just in case I get 86'ed from this joint.

  If you have been living under a rock, Alltop.com the mother of all media sites.  You best be going and checking it out now. 

Now, I say! 

"The List"

I am prepping to have a very personal meeting with my manager about the upcoming integration.  It's going to go something like this:

"I really appreciate all that you have done for me and your continued efforts to favorably position my role during the acquisition.  If it appears that my position will be eliminated due to the acquisition (and the fact that the system that I was hired to manage has been cut), then I am ok with that.  I AM OK WITH BEING LAID OFF." 

I think I'll leave out the fact that with the current severance policy and being eligible for unemployment - I'd actually come out financially ahead if I get a job within 6 months of getting my pink slip. And perhaps I won't scream out loud that I wanna be put on the "super secret lay-off list."

Having been through a recent acquisition before, I know for a fact that there is a "list" being built somewhere.  It probably doesn't have names on it yet.  But I bet for certain that it contains departments that are reasonably considered to have overlap with the parent company.  These roles may include your typical finance, HR, IT, and legal departments.  But the "super secret lay-off list" can also include individual folks that the company always wanted to get rid of but couldn't for fear of a law suit. 

If you are ever in my shoes where a lay-off is looming, I don't think it's wise to actually go out and sign yourself up on the list.  From my previous acquisition, I do know folks that flat out told their managers that they didn't want to work for the parent company and would not accept any offer.  And their managers were able to get them on the "list" and secure them a severance package.  But for most of us, I wouldn't consider it a wise move to blatantly tell your manager such.

And so, I'll stick with my softer approach.  In all honesty, I don't have enough information to decide whether or not I'd accept an offer if any offer should be made (we are a ways off from that happening).  I do know that I have three major deciding factors for accepting (or rejecting) one:

1. pay
2. location (their corporate HQ is would be 1hr+ commute each way)
3. title/job description

A big celebration party is being planned at the end of the month.  I'm certain that certain executives will be at the front, toasting to themselves and their golden parachutes.  I'll be in the back.  Smiling, eating the free food, drinking the free drinks. Schmoozing with co-workers that I've only know for 12 weeks.

And wondering when I'll find out if I'm on the list.

Photohunt: Glass

Isn't it amazing what is on the other side of the glass?

Photo from a 2006 trip to the Monterey Bay Aquarium.

July 1 or bust?

There is a rumor going around here that this mighty acquisition will close in the next thirty days and that the retained employees will be on-boarded by July 1st.  I feel comfortable making such a claim on this blog since the person who gave me the information isn't credible and I have no insider information.  So if you know me, know the company I work for, or know the company I *may* get to work for... well, take the information with about a million grains of salt. 

What does this mean for me?

...That there is great possibility that I may get to have the summer off.  Not that I'm looking to lose my job or anything.  Seriously.  I want to be gainfully employed.  I do. Really, I do.*

*Yeah, you can take that with a million grains of salt too.

Google Analytics + Keywords = Fun Time

Remember when I looked up my set of devoted readers?  Well since I fell in love with SiteMeter, I decided to venture even further out into the tecnological world of blogging.  This time to Google Analytics.  The tool seriously has WAY more stuff than I really care to know about.  In fact its a wee bit intimidating for a gal like me who likes to pretend that I am not technical.  Or as my old working bud Dror used to always tell me "You are more technical than you think" after I always responded to a question with "That's easy. Let me show you."  I may be a bitch and require people to be accountable for the work they do; however, all of my co-workers will tell you that I am a helpful bee-yatch.

While I was on a boring important call this morning, instead of playing Solitaire on the computer I decided to check out my blog's analytics.  Whatever that means.  And I found out what prospective readers use as keywords in Google and then stumble on my blog.  And boy, what a refreshing weird thing to read in the morning.  Almost as good as that first cup of coffee.

And since I can only assume that those who are googling are looking for answers, I've decided to play a Dear Abby role.  You googled, you clicked on over to this little blog, and you may or may not have received the answers you were looking for.

coworker goodbye letter (or some variation such as good-bye letter to boss).  My advice: keep it short and sweet, only send it to people who would actually care that you are leaving, and don't bass the company/boss/or whomever else you feel should be subject of your disdain.  Bitterness will be chalked up to you leaving and will bounce right off them and stick to you.   Since the corporate world is smaller than you think, stay nice and professional in your good-bye letter. 

the need to pee whilst in a meeting. Ooh that's a bummer.  Not sure you got the answer you were looking for before on this blog.  The way I see it, you've got two choices:  Excuse yourself when the moment is right.  Or if a member of your senior management team is in the meeting, plan on holding it.

Whose the boss - parents or children? This one is easy.  I am always the boss.  If you don't manage your kids, your kids will manage you.  And then you'll be one of those parents.  And, frankly, then I'll have to talk about you behind your back.

an affair with the boss. I'd recommend to not dip your pen in company ink, if you know what I mean.  I've never been lucky enough to have a boss of my same sexual orientation that was even remotely hot enough to consider such a proposition. 

toasts for boss who is leaving.  Well that depends.  Do you like the boss?  Is the boss a good boss?  Is the boss going to be at the party in which you celebrate the boss' departure?  Because all have very different options for toasts. 

Wasn't that fun, kids?

Shut up, it was totally fun.

Can't wait to see what writing about dickheads will do to my blog traffic!

Omen

You know it's going to be a bad day when you walk into the office and all of the women's restrooms on all of the floors in your building are closed.  And there's two plumbing vans outside the front (casually parked in red zones, I might add).

Perhaps I should turn around right now and call this a "working from home" day.  I wish.  But today is my only day this week that has scheduled meetings that I must attend in person. 

Hopefully the plumbers will have the pipes flowing freely again.  Until then, I'm cutting myself off of my morning coffee. 

So when you see me grumpy from no coffee and still doing the potty dance, you'll know why.