Layoffs started this week at work. Yesterday, one department I work with lost 14 people. It's been really hard to focus on my project knowing that someone I talked to on Friday may not be here tomorrow.
I don't know what is happening to my job. Apparently, I'll know one way or the other by Friday. I'm fairly certain that I'll be getting a "transitional offer" which is fancy corporate talk to say that my offer will have both a start and an end date. It's like being on a contract except I'll be an employee of the company instead of a consultant. My tenure at this new company may be a mere 60-90 days until I finish a core integration project.
I know that I've joked about wanted to get a severance package and spend the my summer as a SAHM. And, honestly, there is a part of me that still wants that to happen. Deep down, I want a job. In this economy, I don't really want to be worrying about being unemployed. Yes, I'm still considering going into business for myself. And I could use that money from the package and unemployment benefits to stay afloat while I figured all that out.
However, with the economy in the shitter, I'm not sure that would be the wisest move for me or my family. We are currently positioned to be able to ride out the stagflation of our nation's economy. With two of us working, it makes everything easier. While our mortgage and bills are paid, we also have the ability to continue to save for a rainy day AND still put aside some for Darius' college fund and our retirement. I am fully aware that having the means to do so is becoming a luxury in this nation.
And while the cost of milk is absolutely outrageous, I haven't had to make any changes to my spending habits to still afford it. I like being comfortable. I like knowing that every two weeks money is directly deposited into my 401K and my checking account. I like being gainfully employed. I like not having to worry about whether I can put gas in my car or have enough money to buy groceries that week. I like that there is money in the bank and I'm not waiting for the next paycheck that is basically already spent.
All that talk of wanting to be a SAHM and go into business for myself and taking up my hobby of knitting. Yeah. That was all talk. There's a lot of goodness in having a high-paid high-tech corporate job.
The reality is I am shit-scared of not having a job. I am terrified that I won't be able to find a job. I don't want to have to make tough choices like many families across America are making as I write. I don't want to have to choose between paying my mortgage or paying for groceries. I don't want to have to sit up late at night and stress over the bills that have not been paid. I don't want to be in that place. I don't want to struggle. I don't want to have to ask for handouts.
I want to continue living my life. Without having to think that my life is spiraling out of control with our economy.
And so I wait. Wait to find out what my fate will be at the new company. Please say a little prayer for me that my head doesn't explode from the anticipation.
[Edited to add] I'm really not trying to stress about it. Really, I'm not. I realize this post sounds like a major pity party waiting to happen. And I know that in whatever happens, I will find a way to see the silver lining.
