Is it an Opt-Out Revolution or a Career Assassination?

Did you read the latest article in the NY Times aptly titled "The Other Home Equity Crisis"?  Go over and read the whole article (but let me tell you, the comments are carrying on a most interesting discussion too).

There has been no meaningful large-scale generational trend toward stay-at-home motherhood, [Economists] say. While women’s workforce participation did start to decline in 2000, interrupting decades of continual progress, this wasn’t because women chose joyfully to go home. Women left the workforce when the cost of child care ate up their entire after-tax salaries, or when family-unfriendly workplaces pushed them out. Or when, like women without children or men with and without children, they were laid off in a bad economy.

So why is it then that we all know of women who have "opted-out."  Are our SAHM-sistahs really just making lemonade of the career lemons?  An unsupportive husband, childcare that costs more than the average salary, a workplace that is still an old-boys club... are these the REAL REASONS why mothers leave the workforce? 

The evidence says YES.  So why are member of the "Opt-Out Revolution" saying NO?

Perhaps it is easier to say that you wanted to be a SAHM all along.  Perhaps its like giving birth - it is only raw and painful in the moment but after a few years you don't remember the pain and instead just focus on the baby.  Perhaps it's because we women have a horrible pattern of internalizing external forces and therefore feel guilty or ashamed for being forced out.

I'm not talking about all SAHMs.  I know plenty of women that truly feel there is no other place for them to be than in the home.  And while I cannot totally relate, I respect their choice.  I am talking here specifically of woman that claim they are opting out for a few years but plan on returning to the workforce when, presumably, their children are older, childcare costs are not sky-rocketling high as with infant/toddler care, and they find an employer who allows for flexibility. 

Why are these mothers being forced out of corporate world and then vehemently touting that this was a CHOICE? 

What are the reasons mothers are leaving the workforce?  Come out and say it.  If we expect the working world to be any different when mothers decide to opt-in (or better for those of us still in the trenches), you cannot pretend that there weren't real issues that kept you away to begin with.  You cannot stick your head in the sand and think that male-dominated fields will get better with time.  The Old Boys Club has been around since the beginning of time.  Speak the truth. 

We can't expect change if we aren't being honest with ourselves about the reasons why women are leaving the workforce.   Let's cut the warm-fuzzies and get to root cause. 

Comments

[Dana]

I left the workforce because my job was eliminated due to the economy. The company couldn't afford to keep two people staffed in the small office (I worked for an audiologist). I became a SAHM/WAHM and I've never looked back. Mostly because the job search in my town turned up no results. Their truly are no jobs and the ones available don't pay enough to cover the cost of daycare. This country has serious hurdles to jump and I don't know if I believe we can overcome all the obstacles. Economy, jobs, health care, childcare, the list goes on.

[Nan Patience]

Good post.

[Nicole J.]

Two years ago, I decided to forgo work and stay home with my son. Next week I'm returning to work 3 days a week because I want and need to. we don't technically need the money that will be left after we pay for daycare, but I do need an outlet, a place in the adult world that doesn't require an adorable toddler to gain admittance. I love being home with my son. It is mostly a joy and an adventure, but right now I need something else too. A challenge. I am also concerned about my long term career prospects if I remain outside the workforce for more than a couple years. Will I be able to re-enter and earn a decent living or get a challenging position?

Some women say they never saw life outside the home/family, that they don't want or need a career. I'm not one of them. I need something to call my own. Besides my kids and partner.

[shannon]

In my case it was a combination of discovering I loved being home with my kids (most of the time) and of not being able to easily stay in my field of choice. I feel that now I sort of split the difference by dabbling in paid work, mostly from home, and imagining I'll return more seriously in the future--maybe when the kids are teens.

Perhaps a mother-friendlier work situation/cheaper childcare options would have made me "choose" differently, but I'm not sure.

But we have a rather odd family with some unique specifics that include a breadwinner who can afford to keep us all in shoes and food.

[Sunnyvale_mom]

Excellent post as usual.

I completely agree about the being forced to OPT-OUT. Although I have not officially opted-out as yet I will be switching to a part-time position - with a pay-cut, along with taking a pass on a pending promotion next month. All this due to the fact that my husband's firm - a well reputed semiconductor firm in the valley, is an all-boys club refusing to understand that kids school ends before they want there employees to leave for home. In our case the finances are not the point, it is just such a big waste of education to be required to give up a profession one has worked hard towards.

I have been in the semiconductor industry myself for 12 years. With our 2 kids in different schools with different schedules, I am tired of all the daily arguments about who will pick up/drop off the kids, and regular evening conference calls, to Asia till 7pm is not very family friendly (although the company claims to be ultra-family friendly).

However I do believe that all I need to do is divert this corporate time that I am letting go towards other things I can take upon now - school PTAs, trips etc. The workings of the public school system are a topic for a whole separate discussion. They leave a whole lot for improvement which could do very well with the OPT-OUTing mom's who could apply their management and execution skills to the school system.