So when I wrote my little post last week about not having my shit together, I wasn't expecting to get a flood of support. I wasn't excepting offers of playdates, coffee talks, and dinners. I wasn't expecting my friends, new and old, come to my aid without judgement, without needing to know "the scoop," without strings attached.
And yet as soon as I hit the publish button on that little post, my world changed. For one, I was no longer lying about the situation. I found out that I'm not as good of a liar as I thought I was anyways. Most of you figured it out. My "marriage" is in trouble. Last week we were dangerously flirting with total nuclear meltdown. I was making plans to separate.
Thanks in major part to my friends who lent a supportive ear, gave advice up the ying yang, and just let me cry. A lot. This week, I'm not on the ledge. Neville and I are going to get professional help for our issues. And we have re-committed ourselves to working through this. Together. We still have all of the problems that we had last week. Except for one. This week, we are listening to one another. We are trying to make this all work. We held hands last night for the first time in months.
I can't ever write about the real problems that Neville and I are facing. Although, after talking to nearly all of my married friends, I have figured out that what we are facing is what many couples face at some point during their marriage. We are no different. I also found out that many couple contemplate divorce or separation. Why did nobody ever tell me that before? Perhaps because I never asked. Perhaps because when the rest of you were having marital problems, I simply shook my head and said "Oh no, not us." Perhaps because I was never so honest as I am now.
Last week, I felt the weight of my world on my shoulders. This week, I am looking only at the silver lining. We came close to losing everything that we have created over the last nine years. This week I am grateful that we've held on.
