Even though we are not legally married, Neville and I often refer to each other as husband or wife. We never correct friends or co-workers when they assume that a couple with a child and a mortgage would be a married couple. For all intentions and purposes, we are married. We just chose to not get legally married.
As a career woman, those who assume that we are married don't think twice about me having my "maiden name." And that's okay. I don't mind when people assume we are married. I don't mind being called Neville's wife. I love Neville as a wife loves her husband.
But there is one part of this whole married, but unmarried lifestyle that I never considered.
What will my child's friends call me?
Am I Miss Robyn? Am I Miss Roark? Am I Mrs. <Insert Neville's Last Name>?
Darius has his father's last name just as I have my father's last name. But since Neville and I aren't married, and all of our close friends/family know that, I wonder what I am supposed to be called?
I guess, technically, it would be Miss Robyn or Miss Roark. Ms. Roark?
With my godson and goddaughter, I have always been Auntie Robyn. With the pediatrician, I am Mrs. <Neville's Last Name>. At work... well, who calls anybody by anything other than a first name at work these days?
Nowadays, it isn't uncommon for women to keep their maiden name when they do get married. Even if Neville and I had chosen a traditional path, I still would have kept my last name. It's my name. It's a part of my identity. And, yes, the feminist in me thinks the whole name-changing thing is stupid when you consider the origins of the tradition.
So even if we were married, I still would be struggling with my formal name.
And for those of you who think that children no longer need to use the formal Mr/Miss/Ms/Mrs anymore, just this week I've been called with a Miss or Mrs in by five separate families.
We haven't touched the subject with Darius about the fact that we are not legally married. How would a four year old know what that means anyways? He has two parents who live together, love each other, and love him. Yes, he knows what it means to get married. He's attended more than one wedding and it outnumbered by girls who want to play house at preschool. I think he's just assumed that we got married before he was born. Which is somewhat true. After all, we were in a committed relationship before he was born.
When I hung out with a mom-friend this week, her daughter kept calling me "Darius' Mom." I'm thinking that's what I'll stick with until I figure this whole thing out.
