I wasn't ever a lovey-dovey child. Actually, I'm not a very lovey-dovey adult. I rarely hug others. Like really, wrap your arms around another person's body and hug them. I'm much more inclined to give the one arm hug. I don't like being in close physical proximity to others. I don't like holding hands with my spouse and I think PDA should be against the law.
Some of my former co-workers can attest to witnessing my sheer horror when as business associate would want to hug. Why does a business meeting include hugging? Isn't that what handshakes are for?!?
When I was a child, I would often get mad when my mother asked for hugs or kisses. Affection came on my own terms. When I wanted to cuddle, I would cuddle. But if I wasn't in the mood, then there was no way you were going to wrap your arms around me. Honestly, this has caused problems in my relationship with Neville from time to time. He is sort of the same way and often, the timing of our need to have physical touch in our relationship often comes when the other person is not in the mood. I'm not talking about doing the nasty - just everyday touching, hugging, holding hands that most couples do in their everyday lives.
Darius is the only person on this earth who I want to hug and kiss and cuddle and smooch and smother. Like all the time.
I was lucky in that Darius was a cuddle-bug. He'd always crawl in my lap, let me kiss his sweet cheeks and give him hug after hug after hug. It's like I've been addicted to holding and kissing my son since the moment he was born. My personal space issues still exist with everyone else, but my son... my sweet smelling child... I can't get enough of him.
Starting about a month ago, Darius has started to refuse me when I try to hug or kiss him. If I ask for a kiss, he'll tell me later. Or worse, he'll roll his eyes and then do it. But I found that in the morning when he first wakes up, he is especially cuddly. He'll crawl into bed next to me and let me kiss him and hold him and kiss him and hug him and kiss him and love him for a good 15-20 minutes. He'll smile and he'll even return the affection.
I'm learning to live on the 15 minutes of cuddling a day. I know there will come a day when he flat out refuses to even acknowledge my presence in this world. But today, I'm going to soak up the love.
And hope that it sustains me until tomorrow.
