I've had my fair share of one night stands. Not enough to write a juicy memoir, but enough to get tested for STDs in my early twenties. I've never made a sex tape, but I did expose my boobs at a Squid Row in Cabo San Lucas during a raucous Spring Break week. By today's standards, what I've written is hardly scandalous news. My shady past is now considered normal. At the time, I was a rebel.
I never told my family of my transgressions. I just knew that I'd be met with judgment. My parents had expectations about how I lived my life and I certainly never did anything to make sure that their expectations were re-set to match my reality. Well, except for when I came from college one summer and my mom found a pack of cigarettes. Scandal!
So imagine their surprise when I told them I was knocked up with Neville's baby when I was 25. I was an adult, and yet, I felt like a 16 year old child who got caught sneaking in past curfew.
My dad cried so hard when Neville broke the news (I couldn't get the words out myself). And no, those tears were not joyous. They were tears of shame, of pain, of regret. My dad didn't like Neville. At all. Not even a little bit. I hold fast to my belief that my father was more upset that I was pregnant with that man's child than I was pregnant out of wedlock.
The truth is that Neville and I weren't in a place where bringing a child into this world was a good idea. We had been together for four years and were at a stand-still. Neither of us wanted to get married. But we didn't want to end our relationship either. And then, after taking a dozen pregnancy tests, we found out the news that would bond us together forever whether we liked it or not.
Our lives forever changed the day we found out we were pregnant. Never once did I pee on a stick, hoping that it would show the two pink lines. I didn't want to be pregnant. I didn't want to be a mother. I didn't want any of it.
We were the .01 percent. Using birth control, being safe. It didn't matter. We were the .01 percent. Darius was our destiny. Our fate. A tiny miracle. A happy, loving, insanely chubby baby. A baby we never knew we wanted. A baby whose birth was the most powerful experience of our lives. What could have seemingly destroyed our relationship brought us together in a way that nothing else could. Our bond became one that cannot be broken. Sure, we never married. We probably never will. Some couple's next step is marriage. For us, it was a baby.
Who is so much better than a wedding dress. Who is more beautiful than a sparkling engagement ring. And who is waaay more expensive than even the most lavish wedding reception.
Having children out of wedlock should be scandalous. But for us? It's just normal. Who knew I could still be a rebel.
This post was inspired by the June selection of the Silicon Valley Moms Group's book club featuring Anita Shreve's latest novel, Testimony. The book tells a story of how one scandalous incident changes the course of many people’s lives in a ripple effect. One incident…one moment...lives forever changed. Check out more post inspired by the book here.
