After months (maybe even years) of being hounded by friends to join Facebook, I finally took the plunge. Honestly, I never saw much value to Facebook. Isn't it where your childhood friends collide with your exes? It always seemed like one big, weird, virtual High School reunion.
After spending a few hours on FB on my first day of signing up. Yes, I said I few hours. Companies should really block Facebook from their servers, because I now know for a fact that if someone is on FB that they are wasting valuable productive hours on updating their "wall" and trying to figure out if the Christian R. you know in real life is in the list of 500 search results for that name. Back to my point, after spending a few hours on FB, I was at the critical impass:
Do I start looking up old boyfriends and junior high crushes?
Or do I wait for them to find me? And god forbid, what if they never find me? Or what if they find me and then decide that I'm totally not friend-worthy? Or even worse, what if they don't find me because they don't remember me at all?
I told you Facebook was like a virtual High School. I think I just got a pimple on my forehead from the stress of it all.
As I stared into my computer screen, I started to think of all those boyfriends from my past. I haven't looked up any of these names on Facebook, but I've certainly considered it.
There's Rodrigo Dominquez, my first crush. We were in the sixth grade. I wanted him to be my first boyfriend but then he moved away. For my 12th birthday, he left a stuffed animal and a card on my doorstep. I kept that little stuffed dog for years.
In seventh grade there was Stephen. Stephen and I were boyfriend-girlfriend for months. All that really meant was that we held hands at school and talked on the phone for hours without saying a word. Stephen wanted to take me to the movies. Alone. When my mother emphatically said no, that was the end of our relationship.
In eighth grade, I was on and off again with Mike. I did see a picture of him from our 10 year high school reunion. I think I dodged a bullet there. He's one of those guys who seemed to physically peak at high school.
In ninth grade I was "in love" Mark. Mark was a quiet boy who dumped me before 9th grade promotion dance only to call me that summer and tell me he loved me. We were just friends for a while but our relationship ended when he wanted me to pay him $5.00 in gas money to drive me home (a home that was two blocks away from his home) from school.
I rebounded with Adam who was very short summer fling before I realized I didn't like the bad-boy Metallica type. My parents hated him which probably made him all the more appealing and kept that relationship alive for weeks longer.
My sophmore year in High School, I dated Marcello - a flute player in the Marching Band. Marcello and I were hot and heavy for a couple of months before the passion was gone. My mother says he dumped me because I didn't put out. But I totally don't remember that (the getting dumped part, I know for sure I didn't give Marcello "my flower").
My junior year, I flirted the whole year with Eric Novak my math partner in Trig. I wanted so badly to be his girlfriend. At the end of the year, he told me that I was too big of a flirt for him. The only person I ever flirted with that whole damn year was Eric Novak. Still makes me mad when I think about it.
Gosh, there's more but if I keep writing about them, I'm afraid I'll look like the town floozey. I'd just like to point out, since my Aunt and my mother are reading this, that I never went past second base with any of my boyfriends. In fact, I didn't even kiss at least three of these boys. Or if I did kiss them it wasn't with tongue.
Because my interest was peaked by walking through the graveyard of my youth, I dediced to do a quick name search for Rodrigo. Do you know that there are like 300 Rodrido's in Puerto Rico alone. I don't remember where his family moved, but I doubt I'll ever find him. And then went I started looking at all the pictures of the different Rodrigo's, there was one dude who had his face covered up in a mask. Sure, it was a surgical mask and he's in an operating room which makes him seem all surgeon and accomplished and whatever. But come on, we can't see your face.
And isn't that the whole point of FACEbook anyways.
PS. I found another Rodrigo in full fireman uniform. HAWT! I'm considering friending him just to look at that picture all day long.
PPS. Okay, I just found another Rodrigo. This one was fat and balding. Not that there is anything wrong with a chubby man without any hair. Just sorta crushes the memory of my first crush.
PPPS. Do you see now why companies should seriously block Facebook? I've already spent an hour looking at pictures of different guys named Rodrigo Dominguez.
