When I was a kid, my brother and I would Trick or Treat on Halloween for hours. I can’t ever remember my parents setting a curfew – they must’ve known that we couldn’t stay out much past 9pm. We'd go in a little tribe of neighborhood children, often unsupervised, to canvas the streets for the best Halloween candy. My parents only had two rules: never go inside someone’s house and don’t eat any candy that is unwrapped.
I was a picky eater so many of the chocolate covered candy bars would go into my reject-pile, much to the delight of my chocolate-loving parents. My parents let us eat to our heart’s desire on Halloween night. For the rest of the week, my mom would pack a candy or two in our school lunches. And then one day when we came from home from school asking if we could eat another piece of candy, my mother would simply reply “There’s none left; you ate it all.”
I can’t remember if we ever questioned our mom about the mysterious and sudden disappearance of the candy bag. All I know for sure is that there was no more candy. Where it went, I’ll never know.
So imagine my surprise when I became a mom and started to hear about the magical Halloween Fairy. The one that lets kids exchange their candy for a special toy. Based on the volume of candy that suddenly shows up at the office, I’m guessing the Halloween Fairy places the bags of candy in the car trunks of working mothers and fathers. But all I can think about is, who the hell came up with Halloween Fairy and can I egg their house? Come on, do we really need another magical mythical creature?
I think it’s weird. Really weird. Why let your kid trick or treat at all if you’re just gonna throw it all away? And to the family that buys a $50.00 toy for the Halloween Fairy to give, can you please knock it off? You’re making it really hard for us cheapskates to parent over here!
Darius will not be hearing of such foolish ideas. He’ll be enjoying Halloween the old fashioned way.
By eating too much candy, giving his mom all the Almond Joys (yum!), and finding his candy mysteriously disappeared a week after Halloween.
The Halloween Fairy can kiss my ass. Yes, that same ass that's gonna get a little bigger from stealing candies from my son. But she can kiss it all the same. You don't need a Halloween Fairy to get the candy out of your house. Your children have the attention span of a squirrell. They'll forget about it. Trust me. It works. And it saves you fifty bucks.
