On Sunday, Darius and I attended a wonderfully Christmas-y celebration at the Church of my Youth. My Grandma, Uncle, and Aunts still attend the church. This particular Church is known for its spectacular music. If there was an Olympics for competitive Choirs, I'm sure this church would be in the running for a medal.
The music was great. There was a singing John McCain look-a-like, although I'm guessing the conservative church didn't plan it that way. And I'm not sure they thought it was quite as funny as I did. Darius had a grand old time listening to the music and watching all the performances that went along with it. For a moment, it made me desire being back in the church.
I love God. I am a child of God. And so is my son. And so is different-religion-believing Neville. We are all God's children. I love church music. I love singing praises to God. I love the worship and flood of emotion that comes in singing His name.
If church was just about community and praising God, we'd go every week. But it's not. And no matter how progressive a Church appears, I haven't found one that embraces my feminist, liberal thinking to make me feel like I am a part of that community. Forget about my different-religion-believing spouse. He's doomed.
It's hard to want to be a part of a community that doesn't believe in you. Or doesn't really accept your choices, even when they say they do. Or prays for the soul of your child and husband because clearly they need saving. Last year when Neville and I hit a very rough patch in our relationship that at the time I thought was the beginning of the end, one person told me that I brought it on myself because Neville and I were not "equally yoked." Translation: Since Neville isn't Christian, God is punishing me.
It really hurts when someone you love and trust hurts stabs you with a knife full of scorn and judgment.
I'm no less of a Christian because of my lifestyle. The last time I checked faith, and faith alone, was my ticket to Heaven. Neville and I have begun to teach Darius about both religions. I'll admit that I am much more hesitant to bring him to Church. Neville's community has embraced us with open arms and accepts our decision to teach both religions. After all, when has knowledge been a thing to be feared?
I want him to have a relationship with God.
I'm just not ready to go back to Church.
