Three weeks ago I decided to quit cold turkey. Some people, especially my close family members, knew of my addiction. It was serious and it was starting to affect my health and even some of my relationships. I knew the detox would be tough, the journey to stay sober would be harder, and the temptation to go back to my old ways would always be there. But I wasn’t really prepared to get clean and sober from my coffee addiction.
Yes, I am a caffeine addict. My preferred method of receiving my drug is coffee. It doesn’t have to be fancy gourmet blends or expensive lattes. With a little cream and a half-packet of Splenda, I’ll take my coffee any way I can get it. I drink anywhere from 4 to 8 cups in a given day. In the afternoons, I often grab a Diet Coke to get one last caffeine fix. On the weekends, I fix up Chai made with caffeine-laced black tea. I can’t get enough of the stuff.
Coffee has wrecked my sleep. I’ve slept horribly for years. Each morning, I stumble to my small percolator to get my first fix. My family knows not to mess with me until I’m halfway through my first cup. It’s like a self-fulfilled prophecy each and every day. I drink so much coffee that I can’t sleep only to convince myself that I need more coffee because I got a horrible night’s rest. Without it I’m irritable, short-fused, and unpredictable. With it I’m jittery, bogged down with serious indigestion, and always looking for my next fix.
Coffee has wrecked my body. I stopped eating breakfast in college. I didn’t need it when my belly was full from all the liquid caffeine. With a half a pot of coffee consumed by 10am, I didn’t realize that I was starving my body of real food, wrecking havoc on my metabolism. All those years of not being able to resist an evening snack are understood… not enough calories during the day mean too many calories consumed at night.
The only other time I detoxed from coffee was when I was pregnant with my son six years ago. Even then, I could never really cut out caffeine for good. I still had to have one cup of joe in the morning. But the moment my son was born, I was back to drinking to good stuff. I couldn’t keep away. I couldn’t resist the smell, the taste, the feeling that I can finally think straight.
Three weeks ago, my beloved percolator broke. Instead of replacing it, I decided once and for all to break my caffeine addiction. No coffee. No soda. No Red-Bull or Starbucks. No energy drinks. Zero, zip, zilch. Three weeks ago, I embarked on the hardest journey of my life. This is harder than cramming for finals, or dealing with my first heartbreak. This is harder than childbirth. I am more tired, frustrated, and in a fog now than I was in those first few weeks as a new mother.
I’ve searched for a support group. I could really use an AA version for Coffee Addicts. Sure there are lots of people who say they’ll give up coffee as a New Year’s Resolution. Most of those fools have already gone back to their coffee-drinking ways. I’m in this for the long haul. Maybe one day I’ll be able to have just one cup and be normal. I doubt it. Alcoholics can’t stop at one drink. I’m not sure I can stop at one cup.
Original post for the Silicon Valley Mom's Blog
Photo credit: Ana Garza
