In April, Neville received a well deserved promotion. It was fantastic news to see my spouse get recognized and rewarded for all of his hard work. I was thrilled for him. Now that he's been in his new role, I've noticed one major trend: the man can't get out of work before 6:00pm most nights. If we're lucky, if we are really really lucky, Neville will make it home with 30 minutes to spare before Darius's bedtime.
After nearly a month of receiving emails and texts late in the day telling me not to expect him home for dinner, I asked him the other night if this is our new normal. Should I just get used to the fact that he can't work from home, can't get home early, and can't be there for us during the week like his old role allowed? If I need to adjust my expectations, I will. I don't want to be continually disappointed or feeling like I'm doing this all by myself. I can see that Neville feels guilty about missing out on what's happening at home. He is such a hands-on father to our two boys, so I know that it's killing him not to get home to see them.
Neville and I had a good talk about it. I want to support him in his career growth just as he has supported me in mine. But it's hard when we've both reached a level in our careers where promotions are akin to exponential increases in the volume of work and responsibility. With both of us working, it's not like there is someone there to automatically pick up the slack.
Furthermore, I'm starting to notice a trend in the working world. When a married man with children (and sometimes a woman) reach a certain level in their career - like Director or above - they tend to have a Stay-at-Home spouse. Is this really the secret to success? Does one have to sacrifice her career to allow for her husband to flourish in his? Or vise versa? Nearly every female executive that I've worked with was 1) old enough to have grown children or no children or 2) had a Stay at Home husband that cared for the children. I've never met a female VP in the corporate world with a spouse that worked or was on the same career path as she.
I know that Neville would take great pride in being the sole provider for our family. He has a provider complex like most men I know. In all of my life, I've never considered not working. Working is a part of who I am. But now I'm left wondering that if Neville continues to advance and the demands at work continue to increase, how will our family be able to manage with both parents plodding away on the corporate ladder? Will I be forced to give up my career to support our family? We're no where near having to make these decisions. Still, I have a feeling unless we stay stagnant in our careers until our children are grown there will come a day soon that we'll have to decide.
