When Darius was in kindergarten, his teachers did a demonstration about segregation. They sent out an email to the parents to let us know that our kids would probably come up upset because the class would be divided into boys and girls. We, parents, were not to let on that we knew about the demonstration or that the changes weren't permanent. Instead we were to sympathize with our children and then ask them:
"What could you do to change it?"
It was the kindergarten version of the Civil Rights Movement. Two years later, it is a lesson that my son still talks about.
The children were divided into boys and girls. The girls had all of the privileges inside the classroom. They got to use the indoor drinking fountain. They sat in the front of the class. They got to line up first and all papers/supplies were passed to girls first. If a girl raised her hand, she would be called on before a boy. The boys had all of the privileges outside. They got to use the outdoor drinking fountains. They could play on the kindergarten play structure. They had first pick of the balls.
If either gender was caught breaking the Jim Crow Laws of Room 17, the child would lose 5 tokens. Those tokens were hard earned and used to buy little trinkets in the class store. Normally a kindergartner would cry if they lost one... so 5 was a big deal. The kids were told that it was "Separate but Equal." The boys knew the truth. They were getting screwed.
I remember volunteering in the classroom during these two days. And I remember that the boys felt like they had much less power. With only two recesses and one lunch break, the power outside was significantly less than the power the girls wielded inside the class. And, boy, did the girls make sure that the boys never forgot who was in charge. It was disturbing to see how quickly one "class" of students - the girls - took to their new privileges. The boys had been their friends until now. Now it seemed that the girls took pleasure in making sure their boy peers were at the back of the class.
The teachers were stunned by the girl behavior. After doing this demonstration for years, they had never come across a group that seemed so content with the law that the girls had actually asked if these new laws could become permanent. The girls were so caught up in the power of privilege that they not only didn't stand up for their friends; they asked for more power. The teachers and I brainstormed about what to do. How could they get the girls to understand the other side of the coin? While the boys were already making picket signs and planning a march to the Principal’s office, the girls were enjoying being the ones in charge.
Until the arrival of the cupcake. A mother dropped off goodie bags and cupcakes for Alex's* birthday. A boy's birthday. The teachers debated back and forth on what to do.
Who knew teaching moments would present themselves in the form of a cupcake?
It was decreed that since this was a boy birthday, only the boys would get to celebrate. The girls had to sit on the rug while the boys sang “Happy Birthday” to Alex. A few of the girls cried as they watched the boys relish in their cupcakes. Since only half the class was participating in the party, the teachers told they boys that they were allowed to take home the other cupcake.
It was ugly. It was brutal. It was heartbreaking. It also was just what the girls needed. The girls finally understood that segregation hurts everyone.
Then something extraordinary happened. Without any prompting, Alex took 5 tokens from his pencil box, walked over to his teachers, and asked to let the girls participate. The girls who had been mean to the boys. The girls who had previously asked to keep The Jim Crow Laws of Room 17 permanent. Alex got the lesson.
Separate but Equal isn’t equality. Or fair. Or just. Or what we should uphold.
With tears of joy in their eyes, the teacher accepted Alex’s tokens. The girls were allowed to their cupcake.
And the light bulb went off for everyone else.
For the rest of the afternoon, the girls took the 5-token penalty to allow the boys to sit wherever they wanted on the rug and to use the indoor drinking fountain. The boys did the same for the outdoor rules. The kids were fighting for equality but still were paying the price.
The next morning, the kids worked together to protest the law. They made signs, wrote little speeches about why these laws were not fair, and planned a march to the Principal’s office. It wasn’t quite The Million Man March, but it was equally momentous for these 5 and 6 year old children. The Twenty-Seven Kid March through the cafeteria, across the playground, and to the school office garnered a lot of attention from the rest of the school. Their principal listened to their speeches, asked some questions of his own, and let them know that he would make a decision before lunch.
In the end, the laws were reversed and everything went “back to normal” for Room 17. It was a long two days for the kids and the parents both. But I’m glad that my son’s teachers didn’t just read a book about Martin Luther King, Jr. I’m grateful that the kids learned a lesson the old fashioned way… By walking a mile in another person’s shoes.
*Name changed to protect the innocent
