Who's The Boss?

For Susan

I can't remember if I ever met Susan in person. I been searching through all of my blogging memories to figure out if we've ever shook hands or looked one another in the eye or hugged. I'm know deep down inside that we most likely never met in real life. If we did, I'm sure I would never forget. It's the craziness that is blogging. We meet so many kindred souls online that it's hard to remember who you know in real life and those whom are just friends on Facebook and Twitter.

It's hard to believe that I'll never get the chance to meet Susan now. At least not until we meet in Heaven.

I "met" Susan in an unusual way. I decided at the last minute to attend BlogHer 2007 in Chicago. Yahoo! had sponsored my ticket, my airline miles were getting me there, but I needed a place to stay. The block room rate was gone and I was going to have to pay through the nose for a room. Kim, who also decided at the last minute to stay in a hotel, and I were going to be roommates. Kim called me to let me know that Susan...

Susan who had just been diagnosed with IBC...

Susan who was now in the fight for her life...

Susan who should have been screaming F^CK YOU to the world...

Susan who should not have cared about BlogHer or hotels rates...

Susan wanted to make sure that her room - the room with the cheaper rate - was transferred to someone else.

Who does that? Who cares about helping someone else when you yourself are in crisis?

Susan does. Because that is who Susan is.

I was floored by her grace. By her generosity. By her. Period.

Susan and I talked briefly on the phone. At the time, she blogged under a pseudonym and held her family's privacy above all else. She made me promise that I would never speak her real name - as I was about to find it out during the room transfer to mine. I remember promising that I wouldn't even look at the form with her name. But I lied. I did look. I saw her name was Susan and I smiled. And I began praying for her everyday, lifting her name up.

For the last five years, Susan has been on my heart and mind every single day. While I'm officially the world's worst blog commenter (as I rarely do it), I've followed Susan's story with total commitment. I have virtually been by her side, virtually holding her hand, virtually singing her praise. I've learned more about breast cancers, cancer treatments, recovery, and chemo from Susan. She has taught us all about the science of our lives.

I've been struggling with how to close this post. Do I say good-bye? Do I say thank you? Do I say how I terribly regret never getting to shake your hand, look you in the eye, and maybe even get to hug you? Do I tell you that I'll never forget you? That I love you? That I'm here, virtually at least, for you as your journey on Earth ends to begin your everlasting one with our maker? I don't know what to say. So I'm just going to say this.

I've been praying to those in my life who have passed before and have asked them to meet you at the Gates of Heaven. And I pray that I should be so lucky as to be greeted by you when it is my journey here is over. You've touched more lives than you could possibly ever know. You are not alone. You will never be alone.

Love, Loss, and Peanut Butter

I've been struggling to write this post all week.  Words, my typical rock, have failed me.  The words I do come up are cliche.  Or lame.  Or, as in my typical defense, totally inappropriate.

For my friends active in the blogosphere, this post comes as no surprise.  All over the country (perhaps world), bloggers are making Peanut Butter Pie for Mikey.  For my family and friends who don't participate in this online community, other than to read my own blog, may not understand this post.

 

Last Sunday, Jennifer Perillo's husband died suddenly of a heart-attack.  Gone with no warnings and no chances to say good-bye.  He's just gone.

Who's Jennifer Perillo, you ask? 

Well, she's a blogger.  She's a mother.  She's a fellow member of the Yahoo! Motherboard with me.  Jennifer  could be me.  Or you.  Maybe she is you.  Maybe she's joined your club losing someone who was too young to leave the world.  Or maybe, she's what you fear most: losing the people who are closest to you and not believing that you'd be able to breathe let alone move on with your life.

Yesterday, I made my Peanut Butter Pie for Mikey as a tribute to his life.  But it also serves as a reminder to me that people leave this Earth everyday.  And that I'm so lucky, so blessed, so taking it for granted that the people I care most about in this world are still in this world.

So I lift up my fork to Mikey.  And I thank those who have loved me despite all of my crazy.  And I tell you that I love you too. 

I love you, too.

Who's the boss now, Heather?

Okay okay, so I know it's not right to compare any blogger to Heather Armstrong (aka Dooce).  And we already know that she is a little sensitive to the trolls that call her a bully everytime she opens her mouth publishes a post.  But this post has little to actually do about Heather Armstrong and more to do with my own ego.

 
 

See that?  In a search result, my blog appeared above Dooce.  It's a small win.  I realize that in the blogging world that this isn't even a win.  I mean, really.... Heather Armstrong makes more money in one month on Dooce than I do for an entire year on Who's the Boss?  She probably makes more money in one day than I do in a year.  But that's okay.  It's not about comparisons.  For all the crap she has to take, I'm not sure I'd want to swtich places.

Being ranked higher in a single Google search (ironically, about her), is just where I want to be.  Heather can have Dooce.  But I own the mythical hobbit.

Top blogger lists can suck it

As a blogger with an audience larger than my mom and Aunt Sue (hi mom and Aunt Sue), I belong to a few blogging networks.  At least twice a week, sometimes more, I get an email from a fellow blogger asking her entire frickin' network of bloggers, friends, and family to vote for her in some sort of contest slash top list slash award.  Even when I really like that blogger and think her blog is worthy of such contest slash top list slash award, I delete the email.  I don't vote.  I forgive her for spamming the inbox of everyone she knows. 

Why?

Lists and/or awards that are given to a writer based the highest number of votes are, in my not-so humble opinion, stupid.  We all know good writing when we read it.  We don't need to send web traffic over to a site just for the hopes of winning.

This week, I got an email from a website (no, I won't link it) congratulating me on making their list of Top 25 Baby Journals.  First, I rolled my eyes since I don't consider my blog a journal of my children but rather a journal of ME parenting those whipper snappers.  Even though I might have did a WTF at first, I was still flattered to be on a list that wasn't titled Top 25 Bloggers Who Should Stop Writing.  But then I read further.

See... I wasn't really on the list of Top 25 Baby Journals.  I was nominated to be on the list of Top 25 Baby Journals.  All I had to do was ask all of my blogging network, FaceBook friends, and anyone else I knew with an email address and access to the web to go over and VOTE FOR ME! to get onto the list of Top 25 Baby Journals.

You can see where this is going, right?

Email deleted. 

Then my friend Lia told me about Backpacking Dad's list of Top 25 Sexiest Mom Bloggers.  His post couldn't have been better timed. 

Shawn couldn't have written it better when he explained that a Top Anything List "ignores elements like quality of writing, helpfulness, sincerity, skill, morality, popularity, hilarity, and advocacy."

So bloggers that get bent out of shape over not making a list or spam everyone they know to vote for them, then those bloggers need to seriously take a chill pill and find their happy place.  Because we all know good writing when we read it.  Lists won't validate you.  It won't make you feel better.  It won't keep you warm at night.

Oh, and if you do feel like you just.can't.rest unless you finally.make.a.top.list then you really should read Shawn's list.  It just might be your lucky day.

My favorite posts of 2009

January - I wrote about my journey into blogging and the community that embraced me.

February - I dealt with my very cuddly baby growing into a not-so-cuddly boy.

March - After reading a NY Times article on absent grandparents, I had to share just how awesome our lives are because of the active participation of grandparents.

April - I was saddened when Prop 8 passed in California, but I was deeply offended when Carrie Prejean spoke on behalf of all Californians against gay marriage.

May - We embarked on a trip of a lifetime.  Twenty family members made the trek to Disneyland to celebrate D's fifth birthday.  It was amazing and easier to plan than you might think.

June - I donated more than twelve inches of my hair to Locks of Love and lived to tell about it.

July - Darius and I travelled back to Arkansas, the land of my youth, to visit my dear Grandmother.  Later that month, I finally joined Facebook.

August - This was the hardest month for me.  Darius started Kindergarten, started reading on his own, and proving that he needs me a little less each day.  Cancelling the cable in the same month was no help either.

September - I stood up for breastfeeding working moms. Let's not forget that my dad also turned 60 in September (and wrote the most lovely comment on my post that still makes me cry when I read it.)

October - After watching the Dr Phil show where more gasoline was thrown onto the fire of the Mommy Wars, I officially declared that I'm dropping out of this idiotic conversation.

November - I proved, once and for all, that I can do something as good as my dad. I also learned that taking a five minute shower is an impossible feat.

December - The ghosts of Third grade came back to haunt me. Darius learned that no matter how many times he asks Santa, he's not getting a Nintento DS. Then he proved that he isn't all "nice" all the time either.

Friday Link Love

Remember that fabulous giveaway not too long ago for the Tree of Life.  Well the great folks over at Black Mountain Jewelry are having an End of Summer sale.  If you know a mom, have a mom, are a mom, or are going to be one... seriously check out their stuff and buy some Christmas presents now. 

Donors Choose (one of my favorite charities) has partnered with the Gates Foundation to equally match your donations.  Check out these classroom projects that the Foundation will fund 50% - as long you fund the rest. 

Not on Twitter yet?  Here's a reason to join.  Land's End is hosting a Twitter Party on August 20th from 7-9pm CST (#landsend).  There will be 20 fab prizes plus folks willing to help you with all your Back to School questions. 

Yummie Tummie has a new fall fashions.  I know, they cost an arm and a leg.  But they work and are a thousand times cuter than wearing Spanx. I myself nearly peed my pants in excitement when I saw the new Strappy by Cup Size.

**Because people are all up in arms about product placement in blogging, I want to be very clear that I didn't receive a penny or a product for linking to the companies above.  They just happen to be companies I love and feel should get a little linky love.  If they want to send me truck loads of their product, however, you can bet your ass I'll be forwarding my mailing address immediately.

My blog on the D-list

No, I'm not taking over for Kathy Griffin. But I think that some of us bloggers can learn something from her. Or not.

Kathy is all about upping her celebrity status and shamelessly recording it for the rest of us to see.  Frankly I love her and the show.  Because really, if you can't laugh at a celebrity wanting to be a bigger celebrity than clearly you have no sense of humor.

In the blogging world, there are a ton of Kathy Griffin type bloggers.  You know the ones that want to get invited to every party, get their feelings hurt when they aren't, and keep referring to blogging as "high-school" because they still feel like they can't sit at the popular table. 

hold your babies close

I sometimes just stare at Darius, my beautiful son.  I stare at him in wonder.  I must have been a pretty good person for God to give me such a glorious gift.

And then I knock on wood or spit or do something equally superstitious for fear that if I relish too long in the joy of my son that I am somehow increasing my odds of having him ripped from my arms.

Because in this world, not all children grow up.  And it breaks my heart.  And it makes me so afraid for my own child that I can barely let him out of my sight.  As if somehow I have the power to make sure that he's always okay.

Hint or Else

I saw this commercial this week and can't stop laughing.  Darius is still way too young for me to find contraband in his bedroom.  But for those with teenagers, consider yourself warned. 

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Motherhood is a pain

I apparently was living under rock this weekend when a firestorm of Moms Who Twitter attacked Motrin and their latest ad campaign about motherhood.  Or more specifically about how "baby wearing" is pain in the... back. 

If you were also living under a rock, you can watch the ad on YouTube.  Thank heavens for YouTube - Motrin has already pulled the ad online.

I've watched the ad a couple of times now.  And for the most part, I get the sarcastic tone of ad.  Sort of reminds me of the weird VW commercials with Brooke Shields.  Alright, I'll agree that it makes babywearers out to be superficial pains and is borderline condescending.  And I'm positive that Motrin and other companies will be taking a closer look at the power of social media. 

But there was also some truth to the ad.  No, I'm not talking about the part where you are an "official mom" when you "bjorn" your baby.  Motherhood is a pain.

Yes, it's a joy and a miracle and rewarding and blah blah blah.  It's also a life of headaches from listening to all those annoying toys where the batteries just never seen to run out.  It's an eternity of backaches from carrying a 22lb toddler.   I swear I have done permanent damage to my knees from all those pony rides on our hardwood floors. 

I'm sure that there were many who were pleased with Motrin's action to issue an apology and remove the ad.   While I always think that saying sorry is the best policy, I'm not sure that Motrin needed to pull the ad entirely from online and print (in their apology, they did state that getting the print ads out of circulation would take time).  Once the weekend had passed, the Twittering Moms were moving on to new tweets and there even was a the start of a backlash against those who attacked Motrin.  Was the ad in bad taste?  Yes.  Was the "offense" blown out of proportion?  Yes, I think so.

I hope that the debacle with Motrin's ad proves the power of online social media.  I would think that advertisers and marketers will now take more time to reach out to their target audience.  I would also think that mommybloggers would learn to say something more constructive than "That's offense, I'm never buying Motrin again!" 

If social media is powerful, if mommybloggers are powerful... then let's act like leaders.  Let's engage in a conversation with businesses and marketing agencies.  And let's not get our feelings hurt so darn easily.

Because, really, all this noise is just giving me a headache.

Google Analytics - Fall Edition

It has been far too long since I shared with you the keyword searches I get from Google Analytics.  Personally, I feel like if people are really searching for answers (that's the reason you google something, right?  to get answers), then it is my duty as a blogger to provide those answers.  Nothing sucks more than trying to search for something on the internet and getting 10 million hits that don't actually give you the information you need.  I feel your pain. 

Legend: Keywords are in orange.  My answers are in italics.

good-bye letter to the boss.  Copy and paste this into a word document... "Dear <Bosses Name>, I regret to inform you that I am resigning as <Job Title> from <Company Name>.  My last day is <Date>.  Best Regards, <Your Name>"  Really, you do not need to say anything else in a resignation letter not matter how nice or how nasty your boss may be. 

who is googling my name? Could be anyone from an old friend to a stalker ex-boy-friend, to a potential employer.  If it is the latter, then make sure your MySpace page doesn't show pictures of your boobs and talk about your sexual escapades, alrighty?  As a matter of fact, there really is no reason to show your body parts on the internet.

dooce is a mythical hobbit.  For the record, dooce is not a mythical hobbit.  She's just a person. I know people like to think of her as the Tom Cruise of the Blogging World - famous, crazy religion, small ass and all.  All she needed to do was jump up on the couch at BlogHer and maybe she'd be friends with Oprah right now. On a serious note, I think she's still trying to find her way through all the new celebrity.  So be nice to her.  Or at least tell her she's a really pretty hobbit with a cool blog.

i never wear pants when i hunt bosses.  okay, I need help with this one.  Is "bosses" like a code-word for some sort of animal or fish or endangered species.  And why don't you wear pants?  Are "bosses" afraid of pants?  Do you pants make that swish-swishing noise when you walk which scares of the "bosses?"

my job responsibilities don't include going to the bar.  Unless you are a bartender, cocktail waitress, or a bouncer, that's probably true.  But if your networking opportunities are happening at the bar, you should try to make it there at least some of the time.  Professional networking happens both during the office hours when you meet and work with different people and during social times.  You have to have both.  So go have one drink with the boss every now and again.  It's not gonna kill you to have one drink. 

my boss acts like a baby.  Then treat him like a baby.  Tell him his behavior isn't appropriate, to use his words, and that this isn't how he can get what he wants.  Oh, and bring him a snack.  Maybe he just needs to eat and then take a little nap.  That's what always works on my kid.

This is How You Connect with Mommy Bloggers

On Sunday night, I attended a special event for Silicon Valley Mom's Group.  Yes, I've said it before and I'll say it again, SV Moms is the BEST community to be included in (and no, it isn't just because of the fun events and the awesome swag).  This event was put on by LeapFrog. 

Except for one request to get us to check out their new community site, there was no product pushing.  Sure, LeapFrog had a slew of products in the back of room - everything from Fridge Farm to Leapsters to Tag Reading System to the brand new Didj.  But that wasn't the focus of the night.  LeapFrog recognized that they way to reach moms (and we all know we control the spending in nearly every household) was to SHOW us WHY LeapFrog CARES about EDUCATION.

Instead, LeapFrog invited Dr. Anne Cunnigham lead a discussion on the importance of reading.  I twittered some of the big points of the night, but the gist of the talk was about exposing your child to rich language to improve their reading skills.  What that means for pre-K kids and younger is reading at least 30 minutes a day with a variety of books.  And if you're thinking "there is no way my three year old will still for 30 minutes." No worries.  Dr. Cunnigham suggested books on CD in the car or background at home, reading to them while the kids play, and getting older kids to read to the younger kids (double whammy, people!).  If you have older kids, read to your kids  one or two grade-levels ahead of them.  That way, they continue to get exposed to new words. 

We had a great discussion talking about everything from kids who started reading early, to bilingual kids who seem to be falling behind their single-language friends (don't worry, they will catch up), to the importance of the 3rd grade.  I didn't even know the 3rd grade was important.  But apparently (and this was backed-up  by the two 3rd grade teachers in the room), Third Grade is when reading curriculum moves away from phonics and focuses on vocabulary.  Children who haven't been exposed to a diverse vocabulary can easily fall behind.  As early as the fourth grade, children basically decide if they will be lifeline readers based on their confidence level in reading.  So the more you expose your kids to rich vocabulary, the better readers they will become. 

And this is where LeapFrog comes into play.  Without ever pushing a product down our throats, we learned about the importance of reading.   LeapFrog is committed to creating products that challenge kids to read in a fun, interactive way.  For me, the night wasn't about the products.  It wasn't about LeapFrog.  It was about getting a group of moms together to discuss a topic that is important to us (educating our children)... and just so happens to be important to LeapFrog. 

At the end of the discussion, LeapFrog passed out goody bags for all the moms with toys appropriate to the ages of our children.  How cool is that?  I asked more questions about products and was more willing to give my opinion on products we already owned (like the fab Word Whammer) because I knew that the night wasn't about selling us on LeapFrog.  It was about showing us LeapFrog's passion for getting children exposed to reading skills. 

When I arrived home, I was giddy with excitement about the new LeapFrog toys that "Santa" will be bringing to our house this year.  I know that Darius is going to love them.  Now if only I can hold out until then.  We were a LeapFrog family before this event, but we are for sure die-hard supporters now. 

Talking About What is on Everybody's Minds

And no, for once, that wouldn't be S-E-X.  We are in a financial crisis, people! Get your head out of the gutter.

I'm over at the Silicon Valley Mom's Blog today, writing about this economic situation.  What are we doing in my family to ride out the storm?  Basically what your parents should have taught you about money.  That's save more, spend less, and don't buy on credit.  I say should because apparently not enough people, including CEOs of many banks, seemed to understand that lesson. 

Come on over and join other moms in the discussion.

What if you could change the world for the price of a latte?

What if you could do more than just change the world?  What if you could change the world of those living in your own neighborhood?

Well, you can change the world.  Education has been proven to be the most powerful tool to end poverty. 

The Silicon Valley Mom's Blog is participating in this year's Blogger's Challenge with Donors Choose.  The organization works directly with teacher's to fund projects in their classroom.  Most of the projects center around giving children the basics like a classroom library, art supplies, and equipment for PE. 

Considering donating your daily latte to a school in your area that needs help.  How can a $5 donation change the world?  Because it will help to change the educational experience of a child. 

I gave up a month's worth of lattes.  How about you?

Bongo Drums Included

When I was pregnant, I was adamant that the only people in the delivery room would be Neville, the midewife, and me.   No cameras.  No flash photography.  Some things just don't need to be captured forever. 

That said, I nearly fell of my chair from laughing so hard when I watched this spoof on Matthew McConaughey's delivery room footage.   Sorry Matthew but even for you I couldn't tape my "copacabana."

See more Joey Kern videos at Funny or Die

Mommyblogging in the Media

Are blogging moms writing an Internet love letter to their kids, or just violating their children's privacy?

Should Non-Moms be lumped into to Mommyblogging?

Go read today.  I'll weigh in with my opinion tomorrow.

Take-away from BlogHer08: Bloggers are People, too

When I attended BlogHer last year, I was taken aback by the undercurrent theme of monetizing your blog.  Many of the sessions I attended would quickly take a turn towards the business side of the blog.  As in how to become the next Dooce. 

This year, there was an underlying theme around playing nice on the blog-yard.  Many sessions turned into forums about how to deal with trolls, unwelcoming comments, your mother finding your blog and your not-so-nice story of her.  Ok, so I only actually attended two sessions plus the closing keynote at BlogHer, but I had many friends in many sessions so that makes me so in “the know” about what went down.  I think the turning point of this "can't we all get along" theme was during the closing keynote when Dooce called out another blogger (who happened to be in the room) about making Dooce not a real person but a mythical hobbit.  The blogger then stood up and called Dooce out about it being a compliment and not a trash comment.  FYI… You can hear the response from Jen and more on the backstory over at Gwendomama who, I might add, was my son’s first music teacher and who explains the whole issue very thoughtfully.  Dooce gave a sort-of response here, if you read between the lines. 

I suppose the hard part to blogging is that there are real people behind each blog.  I don’t think that when most people started a personal blog, they were really expecting a large audience (well, at least that’s what a lot of the more well known bloggers say).  I don’t entirely believe it since it was only about the writing, you’d be keeping a personal journal that only you had access if it was just the “writing” you cared about.  There is something intriguing about writing online.  About having an audience.  I doubt most writer’s intentions when starting a blog is to become famous.  But I’m sure that when they started writing online it was to connect with an audience.  Yes, the audience may have first started out as your best friends, your mom, and your Aunt who lives in Alaska.  Or maybe you started writing online because you were feeling things that were so raw and you felt lonely and you just needed to know that somewhere in the world there was someone who felt the same feelings. 

I started writing when Jill, one of the SV Moms Group founders, put out an email over two years ago to her entire network about starting a collaborative blog.  I was a full-time working mom in an affluent mother’s club that struggled with including working mothers.  I wanted to make sure that there was a voice for working mom’s on the blog.  So I signed up.  The blog was so brand new that my response to Jill in saying “I’m interested” was all it took to be a writer.  A year after joining SV Moms, I decided that I had more to say and created my own blog.  A year after that, Nataly contacted me to start writing for Work It, Mom. 

Honestly, I’ve never had the expectation that I’ll strike it rich, write a book based on the writings of my blog, or become a blog-ebrity like Dooce.  I write because there are a million voices out there and I want mine to be one of them.  I don't ever expect to make in blogging what I make in the high-tech industry. 

Rita Hayworth used to say "They go to bed with Gilda, they wake up with me."  I think that is same for the new celebrities of the blogging world.  We can forget that they are real people too.  It's easy to see our writings as stories, to see the blogger as a character, to forget that we are real people.   Perhaps what Heather is trying to say is that we forget she is more than Dooce.  She's a real person with real feelings that get hurt when people send her nasty emails.

Personally, I don't mind getting called an entitled bitch for asking for a replacement scoop of ice cream at Baskin Robbins.   But I don't get death threats or people telling me I'm going to hell or how they want to throw acid on me to reveal the robot under my flesh.  I guess I'm just not that popular to get the really nasty trolls.  I can see how it could be hard to distinguish the positive from the negative, the supportive reader from the uber-stalker, santa claus from the devil. 

Or maybe these new blog-ebrities need to take a healthy does of a chill pill.  There is something fantastic in getting tons of comments and having millions of hits per month.   I love getting comments.   It's fun.  I won't deny it - it's a nice stroke on my ego.   I can't even imagine the ego boost one who get when they get hundreds of comments a day.   Death threats aside (which I doubt the majority of commentors are vitriolly trolls), I think some of us can get a little too sensitive about comments.  I'm not talking about the serious, "i'm going to hurt you or members of your family" comments - people who leave comments like that need to simply be expelled from the blogging community. 

If you don't like, delete it.  If you can't stand the personal attacks, don't write in a public forum.  And if you plan on calling anyone a mythical hobbit, remember that person may be uber-sensitive and take it the wrong way.

Except for me.  You can always call me a mythical hobbit.  A skinny-bitch, mythical hobbit with really fantastic hair.   Got it? 

Where I pimp out that other blog of mine

It's been a busy week over at Who's the Boss? Review Blog.  Seriously.   Check out my latest reviews on:

Orville Redenbacher Smart Pop popcorn

Journey to the Center of Earth movie

FritoLay's new brand of Pinch of Salt Chips

An old school magic show by an up and coming Magician

Please go over and check it out.  I ate an entire bag of chips for you people - the least you can do is check out my review.  :)  Pretty puh-lease. 

Google Analytics - Summer Edition

It's been a while since I checked out my Google Analytics.  I went on today and had a good laugh over the insanity of keywords.  Really, who in their right mind enters "Me Feet are like Ice" in a google search??? Here are a few of my new favorites (my commentary is in italics)...

Made him smell my    your WHAT??? what did you make him smell?  I must know. 

Goodbye letter to children workers would this be like sweat shop child workers?  Do they know how to read?  What are they getting paid?  Are they getting fired? 

Horny boss yeah um all of my male bosses have been, hmm, how do I say this... not easy on the eyes.  There is no way in hell I'd ever want to know if my boss was horny.  Although Neville was fascinated by a former female boss that had breast implants. I still like to make fun of him about his boob-crush. 

how much do i miss robyn tell me, how much do you miss me?  A lot?  Are you crying?  Do you have a sad face? 

I want to write a gud bye letter you may want to start by googling how to spell "good."  I'd say that would be a gud start.

Pedicure extremely ticklish I can barely stand the foot scrub part of the pedicure.  but the pretty outweighs the pain. 

should i tell my boss i'm having a tummy tuck I saw this show on TLC where a lady had 36 pounds of flesh removed during a tummy tuck.  That's the same weight as my four year old! So if you are having a four year old removed, I'd say you probably want to tell.  But if are just being stretched a little, I'd leave the info to yourself.

ugliest ass boss now is this the boss with the ugliest butt?  Or is this the boss who acts like an ugly ass?  If it is the former, did you actually see the butt?  What made it so ugly?  Hair?  Pimples?  Cellulite?  Share the details!

When bad singing happens to good actors

Just Shoot Me

Which one is your favorite?

Thanks for taking a chance on me

For the last two years, I've been a fairly closeted blogger.  While I've never written under a pen name, I haven't been fully upfront with all of my friends and family about blogging.  It's not that I haven't wanted to have my own blog launch party (any takers on sponsoring that one?).  I just haven't wanted to censor myself knowing that my grandma is reading. 

How most of you fab readers have found this blog is a mystery.  I'm assuming I had a loyal following from the Silicon Valley Mom's Blog that joined me on this journey to my own blog nearly a year ago.  I've let a few of my closest co-workers and friends in on the secret.  And I've started to tell my family that I blog - but I've never sent out the URL.  If you google my name, you'll find me here.

But I'm not totally convinced my mother fully understands what "google it" actually entails. 

Robin (no, a different one - I'm with a "y") at  The Other Mother has called for a Reader Appreciation Day.  She had me at her shot of Madonna.  And so this post is dedicated to all of you. 

You guys are the best.  I've never had a trolly remark.  I've never had anything but the upmost support and love and bloggy goodness.  I'm having trouble putting into words my appreciation to you dawlin'.  And so wrap up my thank you to the words of ABBA.

Come on, admit you never saw that one coming.

Those of you who know me in real life know that I am not a very touchy feely person.  I'm not much of a cuddler and hugger.  But today...  Today I open up my arms and fully embrace all of you in a warm hug from the bottom of my heart.

Doesn't that feel good?

Link love Friday - Send some to my dad!

My dad wrote a post over at the Silicon Valley Mom's Blog about what it is like being an Art Teacher in a Public School. 

"I began teaching art in high school in the mid 1970's, left in the 1980's [due to Prop 13] and returned to teaching in 1994. When I began in the 70's, I received about $2000 in budget money to be used for the 28 students in each of my five classes, and my curriculum gave my students a sampling of experiences in drawing, painting, and crafts. When I returned to teaching in the mid 90's I was surprised to find that not only had my class sizes grown to 33+, but my budget had been reduced to $800. That's right, $800 is my entire budget to keep my 160+ students actively engaged for an entire school year."

Please go over and leave a comment.  He's a blogging virgin and I would love to encourage him to continue to write.

Wanna be on top?

Nicole - my blogging twin that joined SV Moms at nearly the same time I did and created our own blog within a week of each other - nominated referred this wee blog to Alltop.com.

Whoever is in charge of approving new blogs to the list just may get fired when Guy Kawasaki realizes that they've allowed riff raff in with the likes of Dooce, CityMama, Izzy, and Crazedparent.  So I took a snapshot just in case I get 86'ed from this joint.

  If you have been living under a rock, Alltop.com the mother of all media sites.  You best be going and checking it out now. 

Now, I say! 

Google Analytics + Keywords = Fun Time

Remember when I looked up my set of devoted readers?  Well since I fell in love with SiteMeter, I decided to venture even further out into the tecnological world of blogging.  This time to Google Analytics.  The tool seriously has WAY more stuff than I really care to know about.  In fact its a wee bit intimidating for a gal like me who likes to pretend that I am not technical.  Or as my old working bud Dror used to always tell me "You are more technical than you think" after I always responded to a question with "That's easy. Let me show you."  I may be a bitch and require people to be accountable for the work they do; however, all of my co-workers will tell you that I am a helpful bee-yatch.

While I was on a boring important call this morning, instead of playing Solitaire on the computer I decided to check out my blog's analytics.  Whatever that means.  And I found out what prospective readers use as keywords in Google and then stumble on my blog.  And boy, what a refreshing weird thing to read in the morning.  Almost as good as that first cup of coffee.

And since I can only assume that those who are googling are looking for answers, I've decided to play a Dear Abby role.  You googled, you clicked on over to this little blog, and you may or may not have received the answers you were looking for.

coworker goodbye letter (or some variation such as good-bye letter to boss).  My advice: keep it short and sweet, only send it to people who would actually care that you are leaving, and don't bass the company/boss/or whomever else you feel should be subject of your disdain.  Bitterness will be chalked up to you leaving and will bounce right off them and stick to you.   Since the corporate world is smaller than you think, stay nice and professional in your good-bye letter. 

the need to pee whilst in a meeting. Ooh that's a bummer.  Not sure you got the answer you were looking for before on this blog.  The way I see it, you've got two choices:  Excuse yourself when the moment is right.  Or if a member of your senior management team is in the meeting, plan on holding it.

Whose the boss - parents or children? This one is easy.  I am always the boss.  If you don't manage your kids, your kids will manage you.  And then you'll be one of those parents.  And, frankly, then I'll have to talk about you behind your back.

an affair with the boss. I'd recommend to not dip your pen in company ink, if you know what I mean.  I've never been lucky enough to have a boss of my same sexual orientation that was even remotely hot enough to consider such a proposition. 

toasts for boss who is leaving.  Well that depends.  Do you like the boss?  Is the boss a good boss?  Is the boss going to be at the party in which you celebrate the boss' departure?  Because all have very different options for toasts. 

Wasn't that fun, kids?

Shut up, it was totally fun.

Can't wait to see what writing about dickheads will do to my blog traffic!

Cutting social time at work can hurt your career

Any successful corporate mogul will tell you that you don't get to the top level by merely doing a good job.  Yes, work performance is necessary to build a solid reputation.  However, it takes more than just doing your job to get ahead.  For many of us, finding the next opportunity typically happens by searching for positions that match your current skillset.  You may be looking to add Senior in front of that title.  You may be trying to break into your first management position.  You may just be looking for a job with better pay regardless of the title.  It's all very tactical.

Moving up the corporate ladder should be much more strategic.  Look at the successful folks in Senior Management at your company.  It's not unheard of that many of them have worked together in the past and/or brought in their own management team when switching companies.  These folks use their network to their advantage.  That's how you get to the top.  It's a winning combination of what and who you know.

I've seen, first hand, too many working mothers think that by cutting out the social time at work that they'll get more work done.  And on some levels it may be true.  You may feel like you accomplished more in that day since you cut out lunches and stopped going to the happy hour.  Investing in the face time or, as my buddy Susan calls it, social capital at work can get you a lot further than just pounding the keystrokes at your cubical.

Up until this point, sitting across from my agency’s fearless leader, I had not given much thought to the fact that my social-butterfly ways could actually help me succeed in my career. I certainly hadn’t realized that overriding my personality to be more “efficient” could hinder my professional growth—maybe even prevent a future promotion or other opportunities.

I realize that this is easier said than done.  The mommy guilt of spending even more time away from home can rear its ugly head.  And that feeling can be overwhelming.  Yet I'm assuming that most women, regardless of whether they have kids or not, want to continue on a career path. Now, the intensity of the drive on the path may change.  But I'd like to think that most of us don't want to be in the same role for the rest of our working lives. By making a few changes in how you go about your professional life can reap major rewards.  The more people you know, the more opportunities you can make.

Start saying yes.  You don't have to attend every happy hour or accept every lunch.  But if your VP plans an outing for the team, make sure you attend.  Casually invite your manager to lunch one day. If there is a lunch for a new hire or a soon-to-be ex-worker, do your darndest to make it.  Stop complaining about yet another social event outside of work hours.  Instead start saying "Let me check my calendar."  And then work with your spouse, friends, or babysitter, to get the time to be able to attend. Again, you don't have to go to every single outing.  Pick the ones that are strategic (ie. managers, executives, people of interest in attendance).  And don't forget to work the room when you do attend. 

Be visible. If you work in an office, take the "long way" back to your desk.  You don't have to spend 30 minutes at the water cooler.  Stop and chat with one person for a few minutes a day.  If you work remotely, make sure that you are online and available.  Use instant messenger to communicate with your team.  Oh, and if you happen to get into work at 6am or stay until midnight, subtly make sure that the team (and your boss) finds out.  Don't loudly announce it in a meeting that you've been up since 5am.  Just send an email out at that time. 

Investing in your social capital does not mean making friends.  In other words, work is not an opportunity to find a new BFF.  Among the things to keep to yourself are: details of an illness, details of your arguments with your spouse, details of your financial problems, details of your vacation, details of your monthly cycles, details of romantic conquests, involvement with what your child is selling from school. Whatever you share will be included in your reputation - whether it's work related or not. So keep the details to yourself.  Or share it with your true BFF.  After all, you were hired to work.  Not to use your boss as a free therapist.

Lastly, get a mentor.  I think a lot of women are afraid of having a mentor. Or at least asking someone to be a mentor.  But it is a great way to build up your network and utilize someone who has the knowledge/skills/resources/attitude that you need to get yourself to the next step.  Find an expert in your field, in a position that you one day want to occupy, or someone in another field that you want to break into.  Mentors can help you mold yourself into more successful you. 

It is naive to think that all that matters in your career is your work performance.  In fact, it’s harmful to operate accordingly. So ditch the illusion.  The office is a place where perception can be as important as results. The quicker you act accordingly, the sooner you’ll see success. 

Cross posted at Work It! Mom.

Speechless

Just when I think that the "working momma saga" has peaked, someone has to go and write about it.  Literally.  About working moms not having the time, um, how do I say this on a mommy blog... ff uh hmm, have self induced pleasure.  Whoa that was harder than I thought.

Take a read for yourself.  And then come back here (hee hee a sex pun) and comment. 

I really don't know what to say.  I'm speechless.  I'm all for mom's to open up about their lives.  But really? 

We interrupt our regularly scheduled programming...

Want a chance to get a Free Pass to BlogHer?  Come on, you know you want it. 

Me swears it won't take much of your time.   

Ok, even if you don't want the pass and you don't care a smidgen about me, take the darn survey anyways.

Sincerely,

The Boss

Guilty as charged

All mothers feel some sort of guilt.  I swear that the capacity for guilt grows once you become a mom.   

So go on over the Silicon Valley Mom's Blog today to read all about mommy guilt and what this group of mommy bloggers is doing about it. 

And don't make me give you a guilt trip for not checking out my post over there too.

Are Working Moms Happier?

According to Leslie Bennetts, we working mommas are happier than our stay at home counterparts.

Contrary to popular mythology, decades of social science research have consistently shown that working mothers are happier and less anxious than stay-at-home moms; those cliches about desperate housewives fighting depression and substance abuse turn out to contain a good deal of truth. Moreover, when full-time homemakers return to paid work outside the home, their mental and emotional health improves significantly.

I know for me, personally, I like to work.  I want to work.  And I continue to be career focused.  But I also want to be home.  I want to be the sole caregiver of my child.  And I wish that I could get over the loss of earning power and career identity to be able to stay home.

But staying at home has never been an option for me.  And even with Darius' care subsidized by his grandparents (who watch him two days a week for free), we still cannot afford to have one of stay at home.

Unless we stop saving for retirement, stop planning for his college, move into a shady part of town, get rid of the car, and eat Top Ramen for dinner.   And I'm not willing to do any of those things.   (and before you think  I am over the top, we've done the research at it would take MAJOR sacrifices to SAH and even then it would only be possible for a mere months - not the years that many choose to opt-out).

I don't know if I am any happier than my SAHM friends.  There are days that I wish that I truly had the option to not work without sacrificing mine and my son's futures.  But most days, I'm too busy to think about anything other than getting D to school on time, getting to work on time, getting to my meetings on time, picking up D from school on time, getting dinner on the table, and getting to bed before midnight.  And somewhere in between all that still finding time to do a load of laundry, go to the bathroom in peace, and maybe even gasp sex with my partner in crime.

I don't have time to compare my happiness to others.  Hell, most days I'm too tired to even think about if I am happy or not.

So am I happier?  I don't know, you tell me.

I am Veronica Mars

Which TV Heroine Are You?

More on Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. Created by BuddyTV

Working from home without childcare - a typical working mom's dilemma

Last week, a writer for The Juggle wrote about her recent experience in working from home without childcare. 

For the first three years of returning to work, I demanded that I work from home at least one day a week.  Friday was the planned day.  The entire office knew that I would be working from home and so the volume of issues that I dealt with turned to Monday through Thursday.  Friday became my light day.  I'd have one or two conference calls that I could strategically place during Sesame Street hour or nap time.  I purposely made my workload more administrative for Fridays.  Status reports on projects, submitting expense reports for reimbursement, catching up on the insane amount of email that I received the rest of the week, sending out meeting requests to the team for the following week.  If I didn't get to it on Friday, I could put in a couple hours of work on Sunday night. 

I also learned that TV really isn't the best babysitter.  Sure, Darius religiously watched Sesame Street for the full hour on Friday mornings.  And on hairy days where an emergency did come up, he'd get lucky and get a 30 minute show in the afternoon.  But the bulk of the day was fairly balanced between working remotely, spending quality time with Darius, and encouraging Darius to play on his own.  Mind you, I only have one kiddo to contend with so the journey to "working from home bliss" was probably a million times easier for mom's with 2 or more.

What I learned from those three years:

Carve out time on your calendar for spending 1:1 time with your child.  Afterall, you are working from home for a reason.  And that reason probably includes getting to be around your children.  So actually block out the time.  Darius and I enrolled in a Music Together class on Friday mornings.  It took a hour out of my work day and it was totally worth it to do something special with my son.  By marking it on my calendar, the time was less likely to get hijacked by a meeting or other work activity.

If you want dinner on the table, use a crock pot.  Nothing like throwing a few ingredients into a crock pot at 8am and having dinner ready at 5.  I pulled out the crockpot almost every Friday.  I'd make chili, roasts, pull pork for sandwiches, curry chicken, soups, stews, you name it.  It takes the pressure off of feeling like you've spent the whole day at home and having nothing to show for it.

Plan your work ahead.  My saving grace was that everyone knew I was working from home.  It helped to keep the workload manageable.  At work, I always kept one eye focused on the horizon.  A two to four week forecast to make sure that project deadlines and schedules were not going to impact my Friday with Darius.  Sometimes it did.  But having the unexpected crisis became rare.  In addition, I think I became a better Project Manager by keeping one focus on what happening today and the other on what was coming down the pipe. 

Encourage your child to play on their own.  You may have to work up to this slowly, but if you are working from home it's a must.  I'll admit that I had to let go of my own anxiety about not watching him for every single minute.  But I set up shop in our playroom.  Darius could play with trains, the little kitchen set, have wrestling matches with his stuffed animals.  All on his own.  I was there, but kept a distance.  I started working in 15 minute chunks.  15 min with Darius playing on his own, 15 min with me playing with him.  Every week, I extended his free play by 5 minutes.  20 minutes, then 25, then 30.  I kept my 15 minutes of quality play time the same. 

Don't fall into the trap of doing it all.  You cannot work, be with your kids, and do everything else.  Dishes won't get done.  Laundry will stay unsorted.  And that's ok.  Your priority on those days is literally be a working momma.  That's what you are balancing.  Not trying to fit everything into the day's schedule.

And finally, fake it. No one in the office needs to know that you are wearing sweats with smooshed bananas on them.  Don't make any excuses for working from home. You are just as professional and fabulous as you are when you are in the office. 

Oh, and don't forget to use the mute button when ever you're on a call. 

replacement

Since leaving ye old company, a few of my co-workers have made it their mission to replace me.  And probably not in the way that you think...

Go read about the open requisition in the Lunch Club.

Neil says that he's offering 10grand as a finder's fee.  But I wouldn't trust him.  The man can never remember if you owe him money or if he owe's you. 

On being nice and successful

I'm under crazy deadlines this week.  Partly from having WAY TOO MUCH on my plate. Partly because I have been having motivational issues due to fact that I'll be in Cabo San Lucas for 5 days - leaving on Saturday, thank you very much.

So while I work on whipping my own ass into shape before I am sitting on a beach drinking Sangria, please check out the best post ever that answers the question, "Can a woman be nice and still get ahead?"

I just find it really hard to believe that women REALLY believe that they can’t be successful because they are too nice. I have zero desire to be hated by my co-workers. Being a bitch is not a label I really want pinned on me by people I spend 40 hours a week with. I hope and pray that my work in the office meets or exceeds the expectations of my management team and maybe I am an odd duck for believing that I can be liked and respected by my co-workers. I don’t believe it is impossible to address office events directly, aggressively and kindly.

Playborhood

I'm participating in a new project - Playborhood.com which just launched a month ago. Founded by a Palo Alto dad, the goal is to reach out to people who seek better play-based communities and neighborhoods for their children.

So many families now have structured play all the time and neighborhoods where they don't feel safe letting their kids just go out and play.  We've certainly done more of the structured play or organized "free play" dates than allowing our kid to hang out in the front yard.  But I often think about how different my son's childhood experience will be without the fun, parent-free, neighborhood play I experienced in my youth.  And I want to take steps as a community to change for the better.

Please check out my first article and stay over there a while to see what the site has to offer. 

I'm running for "co-worker of the year"

My office buddy, Neil, just started his own blog.  Neil is part work-BFF, part big brother, part co-conspirator.  He's the only person at work that I implicitly trust.  We have a virtual vault where I can vent about work stuff and know that it is safe and will never be repeated.

So when he told about me about his new blog this morning and then brought me lunch after I blew off our lunch plans, I felt compelled to shamelessly plug his new glob (no that's not a typo - read his first post to know why). 

When I think about leaving this company, my biggest pain point is to know that I won't get to hang out with Neil everyday.    So dear readers, go give some link-lovies to my bud.

I rock. Really, I'm rockin'

And it's not just me that thinks so.  Glennia, who writes on a bazillion blogs (ok, only 5 but I still find that incredibly impressive), has awarded me with the Rockin' Blogger award.  Basically, it means I'm too cool for school.  But I think the real reason is that she was shocked I remembered to pay her back when she so generously covered me at the Mommy Track'd conference. 

As a part of the honor, I am supposed to pass on the award to fellow bloggers that I think rock.  Even though I've been doing this blogging thingy for nearly 18 months (starting first at Silicon Valley Mom's Blog before launching my own blog seven months ago), I still feel like a complete newbie.  All I know is that I feel like I have something to say.  And I love reading from other writers who have something to say too. 

I know, enough with the Kumbaya.  And onto the awards. 

Xiaolin Mama - partly because she's the only blogger I know that lives in my neighborhood.  And partly because she is just cool. 

Susan who writes at Working Mom's Against Guilt.  First of all, I am still jealous that I didn't come up with that blog name myself.  Genius!  Second, the site is a collaborative site of working moms that keep it real in their writing from everything from a fast, healthy meal to how they dealt with missing the preschool Halloween party. 

Heidi who writes at Viking Conquest.  She's my token international reader.  But more than that, this momma can write.  Go check out her blog as she writes about her family's adventures spending a year abroad in Norway.

Me and Mine Meme 100

1) State the name of your blog, your online name, and your about page.

• Who's the Boss?
• BirdieRoark (my real name is Robyn)
• About page (gosh, I feel like I need to gussy up the page now)

2) Yes, I want to be profiled on BlogHer as a family blogger.

3) How long have I been blogging? 

• Since the Summer of 2006 as a contributing writer on the Silicon Valley Mom's Blog (18 months)
• I launched my own blog in May on 2007 (7 months)

4) Three others that I think should be profiled:

• Susan
• Bongga Mom
• Lia

NoNaBloPoMoFoDisMa

Ok, if you aren’t into National Blog Posting Month, that reads “No National Blog Posting Month For This Momma.”  It’s not that I don’t want to do it.  Ok, it is just a bit too intimidating for me.  But honestly, I posted my rules which include no/limited blogging on the weekend. So really, I just had bad timing.

Although, I am thrilled that some of my favorite bloggers are participating.  So I’ll be reading lots and trying to comment more than usual (to make up for the lack of comments that are related to the fact that so many bloggers are writing every day).

Maybe Plain Jane Mom (another NoNaBloPoMoFoDisMa) and I can meet up for a cocktail or go shopping or frolic in fields of clovers while the rest of the blogging world is stuck in front of their computer.

It feels quite liberating to be a rebel. 

In case you're afraid of getting dooced

Check out the sister site of True Mom Confessions, True Office Confessions.  It is an anonymous sounding board.  Some of my favorites (no, I didn't write these!):

• I deserve an Academy award for best performance in a comedy. My boss thinks I care.
• The boss won't be in for next 2 days.... WOO HOO!!!
• This isn't an office. Its Hell with fluorescent lighting
• I bet whoever started that whole "live in the moment" thing didn't spend too many of his moments entering data.

Mom's Night Out with Mommy Track'd

Yesterday, I had the great fortune to get out of work by 4pm to get mee-self to a Working's Mom's Night Out in the city.  The event was put on by Mommy Track'd and Flexperience with a panel of delicious working mommas (one of them, my fave Sarah from the Sarah and No-Name Morning Show).    The idea:  Mothers + Professional = New formulas for Success.

Besides having to enter 12 reminders into my calendar to make sure that I left the office in time and having to bum seven bucks off Glennia to buy a glass of wine, I had a great time hearing about the lives of the professional women.    I even managed to swipe an extra swag bag (giveaway details will be up soon). 

What I loved about the event was that there was no ONE way to get it done.  There were women with flexible arrangments, women who worked part-time, women who worked from home, women who worked full-time, women who customized their career path.  It was great to hear from the 7 panelists and moderator Leslie Morgan Steiner that there are lots of ways to create a professional arrangement that can work with your personal life.  And it felt good to know that even though the may appear to have it all, they still struggle with getting dinner on the table or having sex more than once a month like the rest of us. 

The key take-away from me was that all the panelists were driving their changes to balance work and life.  They didn't wait for their manager to bring it up.  They didn't complain and complain and never actually do anything about it.  As I take a break from writing my performance review, I'm using this as my insipiration.  No one else can change me.  No one else can change my situation.  So I'm crafting a plan, a vision really, of what would be ideal for me.  And then I'm going to execute my plan.  It's what I get paid to do in my professional life and I'm going to use the same principles to transform it.

The event was over before it really started and some moms had to usher out before everything was wrapped up.  Getting nearly 600 working women to arrange for babysitters or husbands or grandmas (like I did) to watch the kids was an example of how working mommas know how to get things done.

Are you fed up with the state of healthcare in this nation?

If so, then head over to the Silicon Valley Moms Blog, the Chicago Moms Blog, or the DC Metro Moms Blog where mom are taking a stand and making the personal political. 

And if you love me (come on, admit it), my post will be up later today at the SV Moms Blog about how my company provides health insurance, but the rising costs that keep getting past to the employees hardly make it a benefit at all.  (Edited to add: here's the link to my post: This is Healthcare Coverage?)

So while I focus on my work deadline and fill out the insurance forms for Neville's sprained ankle, you can spread some bloggy love over to my mom friends.

Oh, and be sure to comment at the SVMB, CMB, or DCMB.  We've already have the attention of John Edwards and his wife, Elizabeth Edwards.  It's time for the other candidates to start stepping up and reaching out to the mommy-bloggers.

Love and Hate

Loving...

The commute to the new office.  I shaved off 15 minutes in the morning and 25 in the afternoon.  My commute is now manageable. 

Cuisine at Home's weeknight cooking magazine.  It's kinda pricey (10 buckaroos) but we have loved every single recipe.  All meals can be prepared in 15 -45 minutes which is a working-mother-who-wants-a family-meal-on-the-table-every-night's dream.

Having Neville's extended family from all over the US and India here.  N's brother is getting married on Saturday and our house has become the hub (and I love being the hub).

Top Ramen Curry Smoodles.  Yes, it has a life-time's worth of Sodium, but it's freakin' tasty.  (You can find it at your local Indian or Middle Eastern grocery).

Hating....

The new office only offers POWDERED CREAMER.  Seriously.  I'm not a coffee snob, but I do expect real half and half or at least those little creamers that you get at a Diner.   I'm not sure if I can continue to work at a company that only offers powdered creamer.  It takes corporate cost cut-backs to a whole new level.

Having to do an entire house scrub-down for the 50+ person Mendhi party we are having on Thursday.  I should have budgetted for Merry Maids or someone other than me to clean my house before and after this party. 

SPEAK OUT to Bush - and get the lead out of our toys

According to Rueters, the Bush Administration will conduct a meeting October 1 to hear our voice on how to "stem a wave of unsafe imports from China and other countries."   The panel is head by the Health and Human Services Secretary Michael Leavitt and includes officials from the Department of Homeland Security, the Food and Drug Administration, the Agriculture Department, and other various agencies not listed in the article. They will present two reports on their findings this fall.

Comments that we (that's a collective "we" - the only way to be included is to speak out) make will be included in the second report which will "set out specific actions the government can take to safeguard against perilous products."

Many, many of us have already spoken out about these "perilous products" on our own blogs, through email, and at the swimming pools and playgrounds.  Now is the time to collect those comments and speak to the masses.

To SPEAK OUT:
1. If you live in the DC Metro area, you can actually attend the meeting (register by emailing Erik Mettler at Erik.Mettler@fda.hhs.gov by September 17). The public meeting will be held from 8 a.m. to 6 p.m. on Monday, Oct. 1, 2007, in the Jefferson Auditorium, South Building, U.S. Department of Agriculture, 1400 Independence Ave., SW., Washington, D.C. 20250. 

2. Register your comments regarding our current policies at either http://www.fda.gov/dockets/ecomments or http://www.regulations.gov. All comments should be identified with Docket No. 2009N-0330.

3. You can also send written comments to Division of Dockets Management (HFA-305), Food and Drug Administration, 5630 Fishers Lane, Room 1061, Rockville, MD 20852 by October 1. All comments should be identified with Docket No. 2009N-0330. 

4. If you have a blog, please write a post about this on your blog . You can link back to the original post at the Silicon Valley Mom's Blog so that everyone else will know that we are doing SPEAKING OUT about this.

Scattergories

Meeyauw tagged me for the Scattergories meme.  And yes, I will be tagging others - read below to find out who is so very, very lucky.

The rules: Just like the real Scattergories game.  Use the 1st letter of your name to answer each of the questions. They must be real places, names, things!  If  you can't think of anything, skip it. You cannot use your name for the boy/girl name question.

I'm using my real name "R".  I know, I'm a Rockstar.  hee hee

   Famous Singer: Roy Orbison
   Four letter word: Rule
   Street: Redmond Ave
   Color:  Red
  Gifts/Presents: Rainbow Bright
   Vehicle:  Rolls Royce
   Things in a Souvenir Shop:   Rain slicker   
  Boy's Name:  Ruben
   Girl's Name: Rhianna
   Movie Title: Road Trip
   Drink: Ruby Red Grapefruit
   Occupation:  Royal Guard 
   Celebrity:  Rene Russo
   Magazine: Real Simple
   U.S. City:  Redding, CA
   Pro Sports: Rowing
   Fruit:   Raspberries
   Reason for Being Late for:   Rockstar night
   Something You Throw Away:     Rubbish   
   Things You Shout: No Running!
   Cartoon Character: Road Runner

 

Onto the the spreading of  Scattergory love...

1. Not Just A Working Mom - my blogging friend and MNO drinking buddy

2. Self Made Mom - my new BFF since BlogHer (who better visit when she's here on business or I'm kick her skinny ass)

3. Beth from TechMamas.  Scary-smart lady who knows more about technology that anyone I know. 

Blog Day

This is the Third Annual Blog Day where bloggers introduce other bloggers from different countries or areas of interest.  Find out more at www.blogday.org

My five blog picks are:

1.  Have you checked out the DC Metro Mom's Blog.  It is a sister site of the Silicon Valley Mom's Blog where I am a contributing writer.  The blog is brand spanking new and is all about living in the DC area with kids.  Check it out.

2. Go read Kimchi Mamas for a dose of living in the US as a Korean Mama.   Having a mixed race child, I frequently read this collaborative blog for views on racism, diversity, kindness, and difference.  It is a fabulous blog where my fabulous bloggy friends CityMama, and The Silent I  (and many other fabulous women) write fabulous posts.

3.  I just stumbled upon this mommy-blogger, A Mother in Israel.  I am taking a trip to Tel Aviv in September and I already feel like I know Israel from reading her posts.   What I love the most is that even though we live half the world apart, we've got a lot in common.  Teaching tradition and customs, intense love for our children, and the ability to constantly make fun of ourselves (and others around us). 

4. This woman's journey to financial freedom reminds me so much of my own.  Financial Confessions of a College Graduate is a liberating blog about a woman living in Japan and trying to break the cycle of over-spending.  I've been there, done that.  I won't say how much debt I was in after graduating college and landing my first real job - but it took yearS to become debt free and learn from some pretty big mistakes.   I'm still working on the bringing my lunch to work instead of paying $15 a day to eat out.  But hey, at least I budget for it, right?

5. Anyone who knows me knows that I have a serious coffee habit.  I don't need the fancy stuff - I'll take the motor-oil like coffee that gets served in Denny's across America.  Starbucks isn't for me.  Just give me coffee with a little creamer and I'm a happy girl.  So to read from Jurgen Nation, a self proclaimed a non-coffee drinker get turned into a coffee junkie (or at least tolerator), I have to say "Welcome to the Club!"

Check out my latest post on Silicon Valley Mom's Blog

Please give me a little link love over to the Silicon Valley Mom's Blog and read my latest post about my worst nightmare - losing my three year old son.

I reached for my phone and did something I never thought I would ever have to do.  I called 911 to report a missing child.  My missing child.  The worst experience of my life was giving his description to the 911 Operator.  “He is 38 inches tall, weighs 33 lbs, with brown hair and brown eyes.  He is wearing a white shirt that says ‘If you think I’m cute, you should see my mom’ and blue pants with light blue stripes running down each pant leg.  He has new white shoes with blue trim.”

On promoting breastfeeding

There's been controversy swarming over the new government program in NYC that is promoting breastfeeding by eliminating the formula swag bag you get in the hospital. I'm not even going to discuss the marketing ploy by the formula companies that so many people seem to be rallying behind as the reason.  Let's focus on actually promoting breastfeeding.  'Cause really - we all know when we are getting free stuff in hopes for brand loyalty down the road.  We all get that.

So let's talk about how we can really promote breastfeeding.  If the breast is truly best, then...

Why don't we have a PAID maternity leave in the good ole USofA?  I think that would be a great place to start.  Covering my job for 12 weeks of unpaid leave under FMLA - with easy loop holes for your employer to still can you - doesn't cut the mustard.  In California, mothers are covered for up to 4 week prior and up to 8 week post child birth under state disability.  But not all mothers qualify.  In 2004, California also launched the Paid Family Leave Act which gives another 6 weeks of disability for mothers (and fathers) but does not provide any job protection.  I have yet to meet a dad that participated because of it.

Why are lactation consultants not covered in insurance?  I never saw a lactation consultant.  The $70/hr fee was too much for me.  Thankfully, my mom (a public health nurse) stepped in and helped me every step of the way.  But if you want to promote breastfeeding, then you need to promote supporting mothers while they figure it out.  And having us shell out that kinda dough, well, that's pretty dumb.

Where is the support for working mothers?  In California, employers have to provide lactation rooms to their working mothers.  Most states don't have this policy.  But providing the room is really a joke if you work at a company that doesn't support families.  Breastfeeding and working are not an easy combination.  I was a perfect BF'ing mother until I returned to work.  And my expensive $300 pump didn't make things easier.  I had no support from my employer to breastfeed.  Four months after returning to work, I did not have a large enough milk supply to exclusively breastfeed and my child was not solely on solid foods.  The only choice was to supplent with formula. 

Where's the breastfeeding swag?  If you aren't gonna cover formula supplies, at least arm every woman with a nipple shield, ice packs, and some nursing pads.  Come on, breastfeeding supplies aren't cheap.  Oh, and it you throw in that $300 Pump In Style, I'm sure more moms would be really to give it a try.  Seriously folks.  If you think that giving formula is gonna sway women to supplement with it, why aren't we giving away stuff that makes breastfeeding easier?  Or at least more fun.

An introduction

A fun BlogHer meme.  I've got 1o seconds to introduce myself. 

Hi, I'm Robyn.  I write on SV Mom's Blog and have my own blog "Who's the Boss??" 

My personal blog has only been up for a little over a month, but writing for a year on SV Moms has given me some thick(er) skin and an addiction to write about my truths. 

I have an extremely loud voice and can talk over most crowds.  If you need to find someone in a crowded room, come find me and I can shout to Africa from Chicago.

I'm a coffee junkie.  I don't need Starbucks or fancy shzmancy gourmet beans.  Just give me a regualr coffee with a little cream, a little Splenda, and I'm a happy, happy girl. 

In my day job, I make decisions all day.  It's tiring.  So expect me at BlogHer to be much more go-with-the-flow.  I don't care where we go for dinner.  I'll drink what you're drinking.  I don't want to make decisions.  I just want to hang out and get to know the blogging world.

Oh, and where's the bathroom?

I'm a survivor, I'm not gonna give up...

When I think of survivor, I automatically think of my mother.  My mom and I have always had a tumultuous relationship.  We struggle with accepting one another.  I think it stems from each of us wanting to be the best that we can and wanting the same for the other.  It makes it hard to find a balance of supporting and encouraging without it feeling like judging or criticizing.  Last year, on the Silicon Valley Mom's Blog, I wrote a short piece about being my mother's daughter.   I'm republishing it here today to honor my mother again.

My Mother's Daughter

I've always admired my mother (although there were years that I would have adamantly denied that to the death).  She was raised in a most dysfunctional family; surviving alcoholic parents and a verbally abusive father.  Yet she did all that she could to be the best mom possible - doing a lot of "work" (and by work, I mean support groups and therapy and active living) to ensure that my childhood was leaps and bounds better than hers.  And she accomplished that.  While we had our up and downs in our mother/daughter relationship, we've made sure that we had true healing to leave forth a legacy that was loving and supportive. 

When I became a mom, I thought of all the things that my mother did right and all the things that, well frankly, I thought I could do better or at least different.  It's the cycle of parenting - you either conform to how you were raised or make a conscience decision to change it.  When I think about it, there's not a ton I would change.  I'm a lot like my mom - a more moderate version of her.  I like to think that my strengths are her strengths, only mine are more pronounced - mainly from the loving environment she created.  Her weaknesses are my weaknesses, only mine aren't as obvious.  She's very sensitive; I was lucky to learn her empathy but not her co-dependence.

So when my mother was over yesterday, I sat thinking all of this in my head, in my heart.  Thankful that she is my mother.  I'm grateful that I inherited her nature (although being able to cry if anyone is crying or at a touching commercial is not a trait that I really need).  I ran upstairs to change and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.  Whoa - I not only inherited her personality, but I also inherited her big butt.  I am truly my mother's daughter.

This survivor post is dedicated to Susan at Toddler Planet who has just been diagnosed with breast cancer.  I don't know her, but I'm sending my love, thoughts, prayers, good karma her way.  The road ahead may be tough, but I have a good feeling that Susan is going to come out one bad-ass survivor. 

I've always admired my mother (although there were years that I would have adamantly denied that to the death).  She was raised in a most dysfunctional family; surviving alcoholic parents and a verbally abusive father.  Yet she did all that she could to be the best mom possible - doing a lot of "work" (and by work, I mean support groups and therapy and active living) to ensure that my childhood was leaps and bounds better than hers.  And she accomplished that.  While we had our up and downs in our mother/daughter relationship, we've made sure that we had true healing to leave forth a legacy that was loving and supportive. 

When I became a mom, I thought of all the things that my mother did right and all the things that, well frankly, I thought I could do better or at least different.  It's the cycle of parenting - you either conform to how you were raised or make a conscience decision to change it.  When I think about it, there's not a ton I would change.  I'm a lot like my mom - a more moderate version of her.  I like to think that my strengths are her strengths, only mine are more pronounced - mainly from the loving environment she created.  Her weaknesses are my weaknesses, only mine aren't as obvious.  She's very sensitive; I was lucky to learn her empathy but not her co-dependence.

So when my mother was over yesterday, I sat thinking all of this in my head, in my heart.  Thankful that she is my mother.  I'm grateful that I inherited her nature (although being able to cry if anyone is crying or at a touching commercial is not a trait that I really need).  I ran upstairs to change and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.  Whoa - I not only inherited her personality, but I also inherited her big butt.  I am truly my mother's daughter.

This survivor post is dedicated to Susan at Toddler Planet who has just been diagnosed with breast cancer.  I don't know her, but I'm sending my love, thoughts, prayers, good karma her way.  The road ahead may be tough, but I have a good feeling that Susan is going to come out one bad-ass survivor.