Who's The Boss?

Motherhood is a pain

I apparently was living under rock this weekend when a firestorm of Moms Who Twitter attacked Motrin and their latest ad campaign about motherhood.  Or more specifically about how "baby wearing" is pain in the... back. 

If you were also living under a rock, you can watch the ad on YouTube.  Thank heavens for YouTube - Motrin has already pulled the ad online.

I've watched the ad a couple of times now.  And for the most part, I get the sarcastic tone of ad.  Sort of reminds me of the weird VW commercials with Brooke Shields.  Alright, I'll agree that it makes babywearers out to be superficial pains and is borderline condescending.  And I'm positive that Motrin and other companies will be taking a closer look at the power of social media. 

But there was also some truth to the ad.  No, I'm not talking about the part where you are an "official mom" when you "bjorn" your baby.  Motherhood is a pain.

Yes, it's a joy and a miracle and rewarding and blah blah blah.  It's also a life of headaches from listening to all those annoying toys where the batteries just never seen to run out.  It's an eternity of backaches from carrying a 22lb toddler.   I swear I have done permanent damage to my knees from all those pony rides on our hardwood floors. 

I'm sure that there were many who were pleased with Motrin's action to issue an apology and remove the ad.   While I always think that saying sorry is the best policy, I'm not sure that Motrin needed to pull the ad entirely from online and print (in their apology, they did state that getting the print ads out of circulation would take time).  Once the weekend had passed, the Twittering Moms were moving on to new tweets and there even was a the start of a backlash against those who attacked Motrin.  Was the ad in bad taste?  Yes.  Was the "offense" blown out of proportion?  Yes, I think so.

I hope that the debacle with Motrin's ad proves the power of online social media.  I would think that advertisers and marketers will now take more time to reach out to their target audience.  I would also think that mommybloggers would learn to say something more constructive than "That's offense, I'm never buying Motrin again!" 

If social media is powerful, if mommybloggers are powerful... then let's act like leaders.  Let's engage in a conversation with businesses and marketing agencies.  And let's not get our feelings hurt so darn easily.

Because, really, all this noise is just giving me a headache.

Google Analytics - Fall Edition

It has been far too long since I shared with you the keyword searches I get from Google Analytics.  Personally, I feel like if people are really searching for answers (that's the reason you google something, right?  to get answers), then it is my duty as a blogger to provide those answers.  Nothing sucks more than trying to search for something on the internet and getting 10 million hits that don't actually give you the information you need.  I feel your pain. 

Legend: Keywords are in orange.  My answers are in italics.

good-bye letter to the boss.  Copy and paste this into a word document... "Dear <Bosses Name>, I regret to inform you that I am resigning as <Job Title> from <Company Name>.  My last day is <Date>.  Best Regards, <Your Name>"  Really, you do not need to say anything else in a resignation letter not matter how nice or how nasty your boss may be. 

who is googling my name? Could be anyone from an old friend to a stalker ex-boy-friend, to a potential employer.  If it is the latter, then make sure your MySpace page doesn't show pictures of your boobs and talk about your sexual escapades, alrighty?  As a matter of fact, there really is no reason to show your body parts on the internet.

dooce is a mythical hobbit.  For the record, dooce is not a mythical hobbit.  She's just a person. I know people like to think of her as the Tom Cruise of the Blogging World - famous, crazy religion, small ass and all.  All she needed to do was jump up on the couch at BlogHer and maybe she'd be friends with Oprah right now. On a serious note, I think she's still trying to find her way through all the new celebrity.  So be nice to her.  Or at least tell her she's a really pretty hobbit with a cool blog.

i never wear pants when i hunt bosses.  okay, I need help with this one.  Is "bosses" like a code-word for some sort of animal or fish or endangered species.  And why don't you wear pants?  Are "bosses" afraid of pants?  Do you pants make that swish-swishing noise when you walk which scares of the "bosses?"

my job responsibilities don't include going to the bar.  Unless you are a bartender, cocktail waitress, or a bouncer, that's probably true.  But if your networking opportunities are happening at the bar, you should try to make it there at least some of the time.  Professional networking happens both during the office hours when you meet and work with different people and during social times.  You have to have both.  So go have one drink with the boss every now and again.  It's not gonna kill you to have one drink. 

my boss acts like a baby.  Then treat him like a baby.  Tell him his behavior isn't appropriate, to use his words, and that this isn't how he can get what he wants.  Oh, and bring him a snack.  Maybe he just needs to eat and then take a little nap.  That's what always works on my kid.

This is How You Connect with Mommy Bloggers

On Sunday night, I attended a special event for Silicon Valley Mom's Group.  Yes, I've said it before and I'll say it again, SV Moms is the BEST community to be included in (and no, it isn't just because of the fun events and the awesome swag).  This event was put on by LeapFrog. 

Except for one request to get us to check out their new community site, there was no product pushing.  Sure, LeapFrog had a slew of products in the back of room - everything from Fridge Farm to Leapsters to Tag Reading System to the brand new Didj.  But that wasn't the focus of the night.  LeapFrog recognized that they way to reach moms (and we all know we control the spending in nearly every household) was to SHOW us WHY LeapFrog CARES about EDUCATION.

Instead, LeapFrog invited Dr. Anne Cunnigham lead a discussion on the importance of reading.  I twittered some of the big points of the night, but the gist of the talk was about exposing your child to rich language to improve their reading skills.  What that means for pre-K kids and younger is reading at least 30 minutes a day with a variety of books.  And if you're thinking "there is no way my three year old will still for 30 minutes." No worries.  Dr. Cunnigham suggested books on CD in the car or background at home, reading to them while the kids play, and getting older kids to read to the younger kids (double whammy, people!).  If you have older kids, read to your kids  one or two grade-levels ahead of them.  That way, they continue to get exposed to new words. 

We had a great discussion talking about everything from kids who started reading early, to bilingual kids who seem to be falling behind their single-language friends (don't worry, they will catch up), to the importance of the 3rd grade.  I didn't even know the 3rd grade was important.  But apparently (and this was backed-up  by the two 3rd grade teachers in the room), Third Grade is when reading curriculum moves away from phonics and focuses on vocabulary.  Children who haven't been exposed to a diverse vocabulary can easily fall behind.  As early as the fourth grade, children basically decide if they will be lifeline readers based on their confidence level in reading.  So the more you expose your kids to rich vocabulary, the better readers they will become. 

And this is where LeapFrog comes into play.  Without ever pushing a product down our throats, we learned about the importance of reading.   LeapFrog is committed to creating products that challenge kids to read in a fun, interactive way.  For me, the night wasn't about the products.  It wasn't about LeapFrog.  It was about getting a group of moms together to discuss a topic that is important to us (educating our children)... and just so happens to be important to LeapFrog. 

At the end of the discussion, LeapFrog passed out goody bags for all the moms with toys appropriate to the ages of our children.  How cool is that?  I asked more questions about products and was more willing to give my opinion on products we already owned (like the fab Word Whammer) because I knew that the night wasn't about selling us on LeapFrog.  It was about showing us LeapFrog's passion for getting children exposed to reading skills. 

When I arrived home, I was giddy with excitement about the new LeapFrog toys that "Santa" will be bringing to our house this year.  I know that Darius is going to love them.  Now if only I can hold out until then.  We were a LeapFrog family before this event, but we are for sure die-hard supporters now. 

Talking About What is on Everybody's Minds

And no, for once, that wouldn't be S-E-X.  We are in a financial crisis, people! Get your head out of the gutter.

I'm over at the Silicon Valley Mom's Blog today, writing about this economic situation.  What are we doing in my family to ride out the storm?  Basically what your parents should have taught you about money.  That's save more, spend less, and don't buy on credit.  I say should because apparently not enough people, including CEOs of many banks, seemed to understand that lesson. 

Come on over and join other moms in the discussion.

What if you could change the world for the price of a latte?

What if you could do more than just change the world?  What if you could change the world of those living in your own neighborhood?

Well, you can change the world.  Education has been proven to be the most powerful tool to end poverty. 

The Silicon Valley Mom's Blog is participating in this year's Blogger's Challenge with Donors Choose.  The organization works directly with teacher's to fund projects in their classroom.  Most of the projects center around giving children the basics like a classroom library, art supplies, and equipment for PE. 

Considering donating your daily latte to a school in your area that needs help.  How can a $5 donation change the world?  Because it will help to change the educational experience of a child. 

I gave up a month's worth of lattes.  How about you?

Bongo Drums Included

When I was pregnant, I was adamant that the only people in the delivery room would be Neville, the midewife, and me.   No cameras.  No flash photography.  Some things just don't need to be captured forever. 

That said, I nearly fell of my chair from laughing so hard when I watched this spoof on Matthew McConaughey's delivery room footage.   Sorry Matthew but even for you I couldn't tape my "copacabana."

See more Joey Kern videos at Funny or Die

Mommyblogging in the Media

Are blogging moms writing an Internet love letter to their kids, or just violating their children's privacy?

Should Non-Moms be lumped into to Mommyblogging?

Go read today.  I'll weigh in with my opinion tomorrow.

Take-away from BlogHer08: Bloggers are People, too

When I attended BlogHer last year, I was taken aback by the undercurrent theme of monetizing your blog.  Many of the sessions I attended would quickly take a turn towards the business side of the blog.  As in how to become the next Dooce. 

This year, there was an underlying theme around playing nice on the blog-yard.  Many sessions turned into forums about how to deal with trolls, unwelcoming comments, your mother finding your blog and your not-so-nice story of her.  Ok, so I only actually attended two sessions plus the closing keynote at BlogHer, but I had many friends in many sessions so that makes me so in “the know” about what went down.  I think the turning point of this "can't we all get along" theme was during the closing keynote when Dooce called out another blogger (who happened to be in the room) about making Dooce not a real person but a mythical hobbit.  The blogger then stood up and called Dooce out about it being a compliment and not a trash comment.  FYI… You can hear the response from Jen and more on the backstory over at Gwendomama who, I might add, was my son’s first music teacher and who explains the whole issue very thoughtfully.  Dooce gave a sort-of response here, if you read between the lines. 

I suppose the hard part to blogging is that there are real people behind each blog.  I don’t think that when most people started a personal blog, they were really expecting a large audience (well, at least that’s what a lot of the more well known bloggers say).  I don’t entirely believe it since it was only about the writing, you’d be keeping a personal journal that only you had access if it was just the “writing” you cared about.  There is something intriguing about writing online.  About having an audience.  I doubt most writer’s intentions when starting a blog is to become famous.  But I’m sure that when they started writing online it was to connect with an audience.  Yes, the audience may have first started out as your best friends, your mom, and your Aunt who lives in Alaska.  Or maybe you started writing online because you were feeling things that were so raw and you felt lonely and you just needed to know that somewhere in the world there was someone who felt the same feelings. 

I started writing when Jill, one of the SV Moms Group founders, put out an email over two years ago to her entire network about starting a collaborative blog.  I was a full-time working mom in an affluent mother’s club that struggled with including working mothers.  I wanted to make sure that there was a voice for working mom’s on the blog.  So I signed up.  The blog was so brand new that my response to Jill in saying “I’m interested” was all it took to be a writer.  A year after joining SV Moms, I decided that I had more to say and created my own blog.  A year after that, Nataly contacted me to start writing for Work It, Mom. 

Honestly, I’ve never had the expectation that I’ll strike it rich, write a book based on the writings of my blog, or become a blog-ebrity like Dooce.  I write because there are a million voices out there and I want mine to be one of them.  I don't ever expect to make in blogging what I make in the high-tech industry. 

Rita Hayworth used to say "They go to bed with Gilda, they wake up with me."  I think that is same for the new celebrities of the blogging world.  We can forget that they are real people too.  It's easy to see our writings as stories, to see the blogger as a character, to forget that we are real people.   Perhaps what Heather is trying to say is that we forget she is more than Dooce.  She's a real person with real feelings that get hurt when people send her nasty emails.

Personally, I don't mind getting called an entitled bitch for asking for a replacement scoop of ice cream at Baskin Robbins.   But I don't get death threats or people telling me I'm going to hell or how they want to throw acid on me to reveal the robot under my flesh.  I guess I'm just not that popular to get the really nasty trolls.  I can see how it could be hard to distinguish the positive from the negative, the supportive reader from the uber-stalker, santa claus from the devil. 

Or maybe these new blog-ebrities need to take a healthy does of a chill pill.  There is something fantastic in getting tons of comments and having millions of hits per month.   I love getting comments.   It's fun.  I won't deny it - it's a nice stroke on my ego.   I can't even imagine the ego boost one who get when they get hundreds of comments a day.   Death threats aside (which I doubt the majority of commentors are vitriolly trolls), I think some of us can get a little too sensitive about comments.  I'm not talking about the serious, "i'm going to hurt you or members of your family" comments - people who leave comments like that need to simply be expelled from the blogging community. 

If you don't like, delete it.  If you can't stand the personal attacks, don't write in a public forum.  And if you plan on calling anyone a mythical hobbit, remember that person may be uber-sensitive and take it the wrong way.

Except for me.  You can always call me a mythical hobbit.  A skinny-bitch, mythical hobbit with really fantastic hair.   Got it? 

Where I pimp out that other blog of mine

It's been a busy week over at Who's the Boss? Review Blog.  Seriously.   Check out my latest reviews on:

Orville Redenbacher Smart Pop popcorn

Journey to the Center of Earth movie

FritoLay's new brand of Pinch of Salt Chips

An old school magic show by an up and coming Magician

Please go over and check it out.  I ate an entire bag of chips for you people - the least you can do is check out my review.  :)  Pretty puh-lease. 

Google Analytics - Summer Edition

It's been a while since I checked out my Google Analytics.  I went on today and had a good laugh over the insanity of keywords.  Really, who in their right mind enters "Me Feet are like Ice" in a google search??? Here are a few of my new favorites (my commentary is in italics)...

Made him smell my    your WHAT??? what did you make him smell?  I must know. 

Goodbye letter to children workers would this be like sweat shop child workers?  Do they know how to read?  What are they getting paid?  Are they getting fired? 

Horny boss yeah um all of my male bosses have been, hmm, how do I say this... not easy on the eyes.  There is no way in hell I'd ever want to know if my boss was horny.  Although Neville was fascinated by a former female boss that had breast implants. I still like to make fun of him about his boob-crush. 

how much do i miss robyn tell me, how much do you miss me?  A lot?  Are you crying?  Do you have a sad face? 

I want to write a gud bye letter you may want to start by googling how to spell "good."  I'd say that would be a gud start.

Pedicure extremely ticklish I can barely stand the foot scrub part of the pedicure.  but the pretty outweighs the pain. 

should i tell my boss i'm having a tummy tuck I saw this show on TLC where a lady had 36 pounds of flesh removed during a tummy tuck.  That's the same weight as my four year old! So if you are having a four year old removed, I'd say you probably want to tell.  But if are just being stretched a little, I'd leave the info to yourself.

ugliest ass boss now is this the boss with the ugliest butt?  Or is this the boss who acts like an ugly ass?  If it is the former, did you actually see the butt?  What made it so ugly?  Hair?  Pimples?  Cellulite?  Share the details!

When bad singing happens to good actors

Just Shoot Me

Which one is your favorite?

Thanks for taking a chance on me

For the last two years, I've been a fairly closeted blogger.  While I've never written under a pen name, I haven't been fully upfront with all of my friends and family about blogging.  It's not that I haven't wanted to have my own blog launch party (any takers on sponsoring that one?).  I just haven't wanted to censor myself knowing that my grandma is reading. 

How most of you fab readers have found this blog is a mystery.  I'm assuming I had a loyal following from the Silicon Valley Mom's Blog that joined me on this journey to my own blog nearly a year ago.  I've let a few of my closest co-workers and friends in on the secret.  And I've started to tell my family that I blog - but I've never sent out the URL.  If you google my name, you'll find me here.

But I'm not totally convinced my mother fully understands what "google it" actually entails. 

Robin (no, a different one - I'm with a "y") at  The Other Mother has called for a Reader Appreciation Day.  She had me at her shot of Madonna.  And so this post is dedicated to all of you. 

You guys are the best.  I've never had a trolly remark.  I've never had anything but the upmost support and love and bloggy goodness.  I'm having trouble putting into words my appreciation to you dawlin'.  And so wrap up my thank you to the words of ABBA.

Come on, admit you never saw that one coming.

Those of you who know me in real life know that I am not a very touchy feely person.  I'm not much of a cuddler and hugger.  But today...  Today I open up my arms and fully embrace all of you in a warm hug from the bottom of my heart.

Doesn't that feel good?

Link love Friday - Send some to my dad!

My dad wrote a post over at the Silicon Valley Mom's Blog about what it is like being an Art Teacher in a Public School. 

"I began teaching art in high school in the mid 1970's, left in the 1980's [due to Prop 13] and returned to teaching in 1994. When I began in the 70's, I received about $2000 in budget money to be used for the 28 students in each of my five classes, and my curriculum gave my students a sampling of experiences in drawing, painting, and crafts. When I returned to teaching in the mid 90's I was surprised to find that not only had my class sizes grown to 33+, but my budget had been reduced to $800. That's right, $800 is my entire budget to keep my 160+ students actively engaged for an entire school year."

Please go over and leave a comment.  He's a blogging virgin and I would love to encourage him to continue to write.

Wanna be on top?

Nicole - my blogging twin that joined SV Moms at nearly the same time I did and created our own blog within a week of each other - nominated referred this wee blog to Alltop.com.

Whoever is in charge of approving new blogs to the list just may get fired when Guy Kawasaki realizes that they've allowed riff raff in with the likes of Dooce, CityMama, Izzy, and Crazedparent.  So I took a snapshot just in case I get 86'ed from this joint.

  If you have been living under a rock, Alltop.com the mother of all media sites.  You best be going and checking it out now. 

Now, I say! 

Google Analytics + Keywords = Fun Time

Remember when I looked up my set of devoted readers?  Well since I fell in love with SiteMeter, I decided to venture even further out into the tecnological world of blogging.  This time to Google Analytics.  The tool seriously has WAY more stuff than I really care to know about.  In fact its a wee bit intimidating for a gal like me who likes to pretend that I am not technical.  Or as my old working bud Dror used to always tell me "You are more technical than you think" after I always responded to a question with "That's easy. Let me show you."  I may be a bitch and require people to be accountable for the work they do; however, all of my co-workers will tell you that I am a helpful bee-yatch.

While I was on a boring important call this morning, instead of playing Solitaire on the computer I decided to check out my blog's analytics.  Whatever that means.  And I found out what prospective readers use as keywords in Google and then stumble on my blog.  And boy, what a refreshing weird thing to read in the morning.  Almost as good as that first cup of coffee.

And since I can only assume that those who are googling are looking for answers, I've decided to play a Dear Abby role.  You googled, you clicked on over to this little blog, and you may or may not have received the answers you were looking for.

coworker goodbye letter (or some variation such as good-bye letter to boss).  My advice: keep it short and sweet, only send it to people who would actually care that you are leaving, and don't bass the company/boss/or whomever else you feel should be subject of your disdain.  Bitterness will be chalked up to you leaving and will bounce right off them and stick to you.   Since the corporate world is smaller than you think, stay nice and professional in your good-bye letter. 

the need to pee whilst in a meeting. Ooh that's a bummer.  Not sure you got the answer you were looking for before on this blog.  The way I see it, you've got two choices:  Excuse yourself when the moment is right.  Or if a member of your senior management team is in the meeting, plan on holding it.

Whose the boss - parents or children? This one is easy.  I am always the boss.  If you don't manage your kids, your kids will manage you.  And then you'll be one of those parents.  And, frankly, then I'll have to talk about you behind your back.

an affair with the boss. I'd recommend to not dip your pen in company ink, if you know what I mean.  I've never been lucky enough to have a boss of my same sexual orientation that was even remotely hot enough to consider such a proposition. 

toasts for boss who is leaving.  Well that depends.  Do you like the boss?  Is the boss a good boss?  Is the boss going to be at the party in which you celebrate the boss' departure?  Because all have very different options for toasts. 

Wasn't that fun, kids?

Shut up, it was totally fun.

Can't wait to see what writing about dickheads will do to my blog traffic!

Cutting social time at work can hurt your career

Any successful corporate mogul will tell you that you don't get to the top level by merely doing a good job.  Yes, work performance is necessary to build a solid reputation.  However, it takes more than just doing your job to get ahead.  For many of us, finding the next opportunity typically happens by searching for positions that match your current skillset.  You may be looking to add Senior in front of that title.  You may be trying to break into your first management position.  You may just be looking for a job with better pay regardless of the title.  It's all very tactical.

Moving up the corporate ladder should be much more strategic.  Look at the successful folks in Senior Management at your company.  It's not unheard of that many of them have worked together in the past and/or brought in their own management team when switching companies.  These folks use their network to their advantage.  That's how you get to the top.  It's a winning combination of what and who you know.

I've seen, first hand, too many working mothers think that by cutting out the social time at work that they'll get more work done.  And on some levels it may be true.  You may feel like you accomplished more in that day since you cut out lunches and stopped going to the happy hour.  Investing in the face time or, as my buddy Susan calls it, social capital at work can get you a lot further than just pounding the keystrokes at your cubical.

Up until this point, sitting across from my agency’s fearless leader, I had not given much thought to the fact that my social-butterfly ways could actually help me succeed in my career. I certainly hadn’t realized that overriding my personality to be more “efficient” could hinder my professional growth—maybe even prevent a future promotion or other opportunities.

I realize that this is easier said than done.  The mommy guilt of spending even more time away from home can rear its ugly head.  And that feeling can be overwhelming.  Yet I'm assuming that most women, regardless of whether they have kids or not, want to continue on a career path. Now, the intensity of the drive on the path may change.  But I'd like to think that most of us don't want to be in the same role for the rest of our working lives. By making a few changes in how you go about your professional life can reap major rewards.  The more people you know, the more opportunities you can make.

Start saying yes.  You don't have to attend every happy hour or accept every lunch.  But if your VP plans an outing for the team, make sure you attend.  Casually invite your manager to lunch one day. If there is a lunch for a new hire or a soon-to-be ex-worker, do your darndest to make it.  Stop complaining about yet another social event outside of work hours.  Instead start saying "Let me check my calendar."  And then work with your spouse, friends, or babysitter, to get the time to be able to attend. Again, you don't have to go to every single outing.  Pick the ones that are strategic (ie. managers, executives, people of interest in attendance).  And don't forget to work the room when you do attend. 

Be visible. If you work in an office, take the "long way" back to your desk.  You don't have to spend 30 minutes at the water cooler.  Stop and chat with one person for a few minutes a day.  If you work remotely, make sure that you are online and available.  Use instant messenger to communicate with your team.  Oh, and if you happen to get into work at 6am or stay until midnight, subtly make sure that the team (and your boss) finds out.  Don't loudly announce it in a meeting that you've been up since 5am.  Just send an email out at that time. 

Investing in your social capital does not mean making friends.  In other words, work is not an opportunity to find a new BFF.  Among the things to keep to yourself are: details of an illness, details of your arguments with your spouse, details of your financial problems, details of your vacation, details of your monthly cycles, details of romantic conquests, involvement with what your child is selling from school. Whatever you share will be included in your reputation - whether it's work related or not. So keep the details to yourself.  Or share it with your true BFF.  After all, you were hired to work.  Not to use your boss as a free therapist.

Lastly, get a mentor.  I think a lot of women are afraid of having a mentor. Or at least asking someone to be a mentor.  But it is a great way to build up your network and utilize someone who has the knowledge/skills/resources/attitude that you need to get yourself to the next step.  Find an expert in your field, in a position that you one day want to occupy, or someone in another field that you want to break into.  Mentors can help you mold yourself into more successful you. 

It is naive to think that all that matters in your career is your work performance.  In fact, it’s harmful to operate accordingly. So ditch the illusion.  The office is a place where perception can be as important as results. The quicker you act accordingly, the sooner you’ll see success. 

Cross posted at Work It! Mom.

Speechless

Just when I think that the "working momma saga" has peaked, someone has to go and write about it.  Literally.  About working moms not having the time, um, how do I say this on a mommy blog... ff uh hmm, have self induced pleasure.  Whoa that was harder than I thought.

Take a read for yourself.  And then come back here (hee hee a sex pun) and comment. 

I really don't know what to say.  I'm speechless.  I'm all for mom's to open up about their lives.  But really? 

We interrupt our regularly scheduled programming...

Want a chance to get a Free Pass to BlogHer?  Come on, you know you want it. 

Me swears it won't take much of your time.   

Ok, even if you don't want the pass and you don't care a smidgen about me, take the darn survey anyways.

Sincerely,

The Boss

Guilty as charged

All mothers feel some sort of guilt.  I swear that the capacity for guilt grows once you become a mom.   

So go on over the Silicon Valley Mom's Blog today to read all about mommy guilt and what this group of mommy bloggers is doing about it. 

And don't make me give you a guilt trip for not checking out my post over there too.

Are Working Moms Happier?

According to Leslie Bennetts, we working mommas are happier than our stay at home counterparts.

Contrary to popular mythology, decades of social science research have consistently shown that working mothers are happier and less anxious than stay-at-home moms; those cliches about desperate housewives fighting depression and substance abuse turn out to contain a good deal of truth. Moreover, when full-time homemakers return to paid work outside the home, their mental and emotional health improves significantly.

I know for me, personally, I like to work.  I want to work.  And I continue to be career focused.  But I also want to be home.  I want to be the sole caregiver of my child.  And I wish that I could get over the loss of earning power and career identity to be able to stay home.

But staying at home has never been an option for me.  And even with Darius' care subsidized by his grandparents (who watch him two days a week for free), we still cannot afford to have one of stay at home.

Unless we stop saving for retirement, stop planning for his college, move into a shady part of town, get rid of the car, and eat Top Ramen for dinner.   And I'm not willing to do any of those things.   (and before you think  I am over the top, we've done the research at it would take MAJOR sacrifices to SAH and even then it would only be possible for a mere months - not the years that many choose to opt-out).

I don't know if I am any happier than my SAHM friends.  There are days that I wish that I truly had the option to not work without sacrificing mine and my son's futures.  But most days, I'm too busy to think about anything other than getting D to school on time, getting to work on time, getting to my meetings on time, picking up D from school on time, getting dinner on the table, and getting to bed before midnight.  And somewhere in between all that still finding time to do a load of laundry, go to the bathroom in peace, and maybe even gasp sex with my partner in crime.

I don't have time to compare my happiness to others.  Hell, most days I'm too tired to even think about if I am happy or not.

So am I happier?  I don't know, you tell me.

I am Veronica Mars

Which TV Heroine Are You?

More on Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. Created by BuddyTV

Working from home without childcare - a typical working mom's dilemma

Last week, a writer for The Juggle wrote about her recent experience in working from home without childcare. 

For the first three years of returning to work, I demanded that I work from home at least one day a week.  Friday was the planned day.  The entire office knew that I would be working from home and so the volume of issues that I dealt with turned to Monday through Thursday.  Friday became my light day.  I'd have one or two conference calls that I could strategically place during Sesame Street hour or nap time.  I purposely made my workload more administrative for Fridays.  Status reports on projects, submitting expense reports for reimbursement, catching up on the insane amount of email that I received the rest of the week, sending out meeting requests to the team for the following week.  If I didn't get to it on Friday, I could put in a couple hours of work on Sunday night. 

I also learned that TV really isn't the best babysitter.  Sure, Darius religiously watched Sesame Street for the full hour on Friday mornings.  And on hairy days where an emergency did come up, he'd get lucky and get a 30 minute show in the afternoon.  But the bulk of the day was fairly balanced between working remotely, spending quality time with Darius, and encouraging Darius to play on his own.  Mind you, I only have one kiddo to contend with so the journey to "working from home bliss" was probably a million times easier for mom's with 2 or more.

What I learned from those three years:

Carve out time on your calendar for spending 1:1 time with your child.  Afterall, you are working from home for a reason.  And that reason probably includes getting to be around your children.  So actually block out the time.  Darius and I enrolled in a Music Together class on Friday mornings.  It took a hour out of my work day and it was totally worth it to do something special with my son.  By marking it on my calendar, the time was less likely to get hijacked by a meeting or other work activity.

If you want dinner on the table, use a crock pot.  Nothing like throwing a few ingredients into a crock pot at 8am and having dinner ready at 5.  I pulled out the crockpot almost every Friday.  I'd make chili, roasts, pull pork for sandwiches, curry chicken, soups, stews, you name it.  It takes the pressure off of feeling like you've spent the whole day at home and having nothing to show for it.

Plan your work ahead.  My saving grace was that everyone knew I was working from home.  It helped to keep the workload manageable.  At work, I always kept one eye focused on the horizon.  A two to four week forecast to make sure that project deadlines and schedules were not going to impact my Friday with Darius.  Sometimes it did.  But having the unexpected crisis became rare.  In addition, I think I became a better Project Manager by keeping one focus on what happening today and the other on what was coming down the pipe. 

Encourage your child to play on their own.  You may have to work up to this slowly, but if you are working from home it's a must.  I'll admit that I had to let go of my own anxiety about not watching him for every single minute.  But I set up shop in our playroom.  Darius could play with trains, the little kitchen set, have wrestling matches with his stuffed animals.  All on his own.  I was there, but kept a distance.  I started working in 15 minute chunks.  15 min with Darius playing on his own, 15 min with me playing with him.  Every week, I extended his free play by 5 minutes.  20 minutes, then 25, then 30.  I kept my 15 minutes of quality play time the same. 

Don't fall into the trap of doing it all.  You cannot work, be with your kids, and do everything else.  Dishes won't get done.  Laundry will stay unsorted.  And that's ok.  Your priority on those days is literally be a working momma.  That's what you are balancing.  Not trying to fit everything into the day's schedule.

And finally, fake it. No one in the office needs to know that you are wearing sweats with smooshed bananas on them.  Don't make any excuses for working from home. You are just as professional and fabulous as you are when you are in the office. 

Oh, and don't forget to use the mute button when ever you're on a call. 

replacement

Since leaving ye old company, a few of my co-workers have made it their mission to replace me.  And probably not in the way that you think...

Go read about the open requisition in the Lunch Club.

Neil says that he's offering 10grand as a finder's fee.  But I wouldn't trust him.  The man can never remember if you owe him money or if he owe's you. 

On being nice and successful

I'm under crazy deadlines this week.  Partly from having WAY TOO MUCH on my plate. Partly because I have been having motivational issues due to fact that I'll be in Cabo San Lucas for 5 days - leaving on Saturday, thank you very much.

So while I work on whipping my own ass into shape before I am sitting on a beach drinking Sangria, please check out the best post ever that answers the question, "Can a woman be nice and still get ahead?"

I just find it really hard to believe that women REALLY believe that they can’t be successful because they are too nice. I have zero desire to be hated by my co-workers. Being a bitch is not a label I really want pinned on me by people I spend 40 hours a week with. I hope and pray that my work in the office meets or exceeds the expectations of my management team and maybe I am an odd duck for believing that I can be liked and respected by my co-workers. I don’t believe it is impossible to address office events directly, aggressively and kindly.

Playborhood

I'm participating in a new project - Playborhood.com which just launched a month ago. Founded by a Palo Alto dad, the goal is to reach out to people who seek better play-based communities and neighborhoods for their children.

So many families now have structured play all the time and neighborhoods where they don't feel safe letting their kids just go out and play.  We've certainly done more of the structured play or organized "free play" dates than allowing our kid to hang out in the front yard.  But I often think about how different my son's childhood experience will be without the fun, parent-free, neighborhood play I experienced in my youth.  And I want to take steps as a community to change for the better.

Please check out my first article and stay over there a while to see what the site has to offer. 

I'm running for "co-worker of the year"

My office buddy, Neil, just started his own blog.  Neil is part work-BFF, part big brother, part co-conspirator.  He's the only person at work that I implicitly trust.  We have a virtual vault where I can vent about work stuff and know that it is safe and will never be repeated.

So when he told about me about his new blog this morning and then brought me lunch after I blew off our lunch plans, I felt compelled to shamelessly plug his new glob (no that's not a typo - read his first post to know why). 

When I think about leaving this company, my biggest pain point is to know that I won't get to hang out with Neil everyday.    So dear readers, go give some link-lovies to my bud.

I rock. Really, I'm rockin'

And it's not just me that thinks so.  Glennia, who writes on a bazillion blogs (ok, only 5 but I still find that incredibly impressive), has awarded me with the Rockin' Blogger award.  Basically, it means I'm too cool for school.  But I think the real reason is that she was shocked I remembered to pay her back when she so generously covered me at the Mommy Track'd conference. 

As a part of the honor, I am supposed to pass on the award to fellow bloggers that I think rock.  Even though I've been doing this blogging thingy for nearly 18 months (starting first at Silicon Valley Mom's Blog before launching my own blog seven months ago), I still feel like a complete newbie.  All I know is that I feel like I have something to say.  And I love reading from other writers who have something to say too. 

I know, enough with the Kumbaya.  And onto the awards. 

Xiaolin Mama - partly because she's the only blogger I know that lives in my neighborhood.  And partly because she is just cool. 

Susan who writes at Working Mom's Against Guilt.  First of all, I am still jealous that I didn't come up with that blog name myself.  Genius!  Second, the site is a collaborative site of working moms that keep it real in their writing from everything from a fast, healthy meal to how they dealt with missing the preschool Halloween party. 

Heidi who writes at Viking Conquest.  She's my token international reader.  But more than that, this momma can write.  Go check out her blog as she writes about her family's adventures spending a year abroad in Norway.

Me and Mine Meme 100

1) State the name of your blog, your online name, and your about page.

• Who's the Boss?
• BirdieRoark (my real name is Robyn)
• About page (gosh, I feel like I need to gussy up the page now)

2) Yes, I want to be profiled on BlogHer as a family blogger.

3) How long have I been blogging? 

• Since the Summer of 2006 as a contributing writer on the Silicon Valley Mom's Blog (18 months)
• I launched my own blog in May on 2007 (7 months)

4) Three others that I think should be profiled:

• Susan
• Bongga Mom
• Lia

NoNaBloPoMoFoDisMa

Ok, if you aren’t into National Blog Posting Month, that reads “No National Blog Posting Month For This Momma.”  It’s not that I don’t want to do it.  Ok, it is just a bit too intimidating for me.  But honestly, I posted my rules which include no/limited blogging on the weekend. So really, I just had bad timing.

Although, I am thrilled that some of my favorite bloggers are participating.  So I’ll be reading lots and trying to comment more than usual (to make up for the lack of comments that are related to the fact that so many bloggers are writing every day).

Maybe Plain Jane Mom (another NoNaBloPoMoFoDisMa) and I can meet up for a cocktail or go shopping or frolic in fields of clovers while the rest of the blogging world is stuck in front of their computer.

It feels quite liberating to be a rebel.