Who's The Boss?

It's a man's world

Many generation Y'ers and whatever hip name we're giving people under 20 these days don't think we need feminism.  I mean, really, what did it ever do for women?  Besides give us some equal rights, a better chance at equal pay, and the ability to be more than a housewife if we "choose" it be more than that. 

But today, feminism is archaic. Right?  Wrong. 

Just today a lovely male co-worker told me that he wished he could be a woman in the corporate world "because you don't have to worry about a career and can just focus on a steady job that pays. The husband always has to think about his career."

Asshat.

If I just wanted a job that "pays" why would I continue to work here?  Why would women be going to college at record highs?  Why are there more of us in management positions?  Why do we continue to juggle work, life, and family?

Futhermore, not every working woman is a working wife.  And for those of us in marital partnership, well, many of us are making more money than our husbands.  Many working women are THE breadwinners.  And not only do we bring home the bacon, we fry it up in the pan, serve it to our children, wash the plate, bathe the kids, put them to bed, and do it all again the next day with little or no help. 

Nothing frustrates me more than realizing that I still work in a "man's world."  And no matter how much I give, there will always be idiots like this guy that think since I am a woman, I am somehow less than. 

And lucky me, I get to work with them.

On promoting breastfeeding

There's been controversy swarming over the new government program in NYC that is promoting breastfeeding by eliminating the formula swag bag you get in the hospital. I'm not even going to discuss the marketing ploy by the formula companies that so many people seem to be rallying behind as the reason.  Let's focus on actually promoting breastfeeding.  'Cause really - we all know when we are getting free stuff in hopes for brand loyalty down the road.  We all get that.

So let's talk about how we can really promote breastfeeding.  If the breast is truly best, then...

Why don't we have a PAID maternity leave in the good ole USofA?  I think that would be a great place to start.  Covering my job for 12 weeks of unpaid leave under FMLA - with easy loop holes for your employer to still can you - doesn't cut the mustard.  In California, mothers are covered for up to 4 week prior and up to 8 week post child birth under state disability.  But not all mothers qualify.  In 2004, California also launched the Paid Family Leave Act which gives another 6 weeks of disability for mothers (and fathers) but does not provide any job protection.  I have yet to meet a dad that participated because of it.

Why are lactation consultants not covered in insurance?  I never saw a lactation consultant.  The $70/hr fee was too much for me.  Thankfully, my mom (a public health nurse) stepped in and helped me every step of the way.  But if you want to promote breastfeeding, then you need to promote supporting mothers while they figure it out.  And having us shell out that kinda dough, well, that's pretty dumb.

Where is the support for working mothers?  In California, employers have to provide lactation rooms to their working mothers.  Most states don't have this policy.  But providing the room is really a joke if you work at a company that doesn't support families.  Breastfeeding and working are not an easy combination.  I was a perfect BF'ing mother until I returned to work.  And my expensive $300 pump didn't make things easier.  I had no support from my employer to breastfeed.  Four months after returning to work, I did not have a large enough milk supply to exclusively breastfeed and my child was not solely on solid foods.  The only choice was to supplent with formula. 

Where's the breastfeeding swag?  If you aren't gonna cover formula supplies, at least arm every woman with a nipple shield, ice packs, and some nursing pads.  Come on, breastfeeding supplies aren't cheap.  Oh, and it you throw in that $300 Pump In Style, I'm sure more moms would be really to give it a try.  Seriously folks.  If you think that giving formula is gonna sway women to supplement with it, why aren't we giving away stuff that makes breastfeeding easier?  Or at least more fun.

Are you a good witch or a bad witch?

After the entertaining BlogHer session with Amy Sedaris, I picked up a fabulous magic wand designed by Amy. 

It was only 3 bucks and Amy signed it.  Totally worth it.

Today, I brought it with me to work after smuggling it from home so that my very curious toddler wouldn't see it and break it within 30 seconds of touching it.  I swiped it over my computer and said a little spell. 

"Please oh please let me get outta here on time today.  I've got to pick up my kid by 5:45 or else I will have to deal with spawn of the devil (aka the preschool director and her $15 per minute fine for being late)."

I also plan on using it to cast spells on the Stoopid People Who Ask Stoopid Questions. 

And I'll bring it back home later.  Amy swears that if you wave it over your oven, a turkey will magically appear.  Honey, I don't need a turkey.  I'll settle for a cheese quesadilla and a beer. 

My BlogHer hangover

Ok, so apparently I am not the only one suffering from a BlogHer hangover.  By the time I got home on Sunday afternoon, I felt like I did the entire summer of my 21st birthday where I partied too much and didn't sleep enough.  Although this time, I stuck to two or three drinks per night and slept for at least 7 hours.  Is this was "getting old" means?

Coming home to a very cranky toddler and the fact that I was never able to connect my work VPN to the BlogHer wireless network meant that I had a lot to juggle.   I'm not sure who missed me more: my team at work or Darius (aka Mr. McCranky).  I wanted to cuddle with my cranky boy but I also felt compelled to jump into the corporate email which would inevitably have hundreds of email by now.

Yesterday, I got up at 5am and turned on my laptop.  To my surprise, I had less than a hundred emails.  There is a God.  Nothing urgent and most things already completed by my fabulous team. 

So I did what any working mother would do.  I sent my kiddo to daycare and took a sick day. 

Maybe a hangover isn't so bad afterall. 

Working Mom's Tip #2: Block it out

When working from home, it can often be difficult to balance your time spent working and time spent with the kids.  There were times when poor Darius spent more time playing with himself and watching Thomas the Train videos than he did with his momma.  I'd be frustrated.  He'd feel neglected.  And we would be at each other's throats before lunch.

As we battled it out one day, I thought to myself, "This whole working from home thing is not worth it."  I was ready to throw in the towel and put him into daycare on our once-special day.  And I was so sad.  So guilty. 

And I made a decision to change it.  If I was going to work from home, dammit, it was going to be balanced.  No more back to back calls.  No more checking email every other minute to see if someone responded.  No more picking up the cell every time it rings.  I was claiming my working-from-home day to be balanced day with my son.  And I derived a plan that I have stuck to for nearly a year.

I schedule time with my son on my work calendar.  I block it out.  And if someone tries to schedule a meeting at that time, I decline and tell them I am in another meeting.  It's that simple. 

While Darius naps, I work so intensely that I can get over a half-days worth of work crammed into 2 hours.  Sometimes I can manage to steal a 20-30 minute siesta myself when Darius sleeps a little longer.  When he wakes, I put the laptop away until for another hour so that we can take a walk, play outside, or put a puzzle together. 

I found that the more 1:1 time that I provided with Darius, the more time he was willing to play without me.  Darius and I had balance too.  He didn't need me every waking moment.  He knew that there was times when Momma worked.  Times when Momma needed quiet to take a phone call. And times that Momma would be his and his alone.

Cell Phone Drama

My work cell phone died on Sunday.  I know, poor me.  My cell phone is paid for by my company.  In all honesty, I make more personal calls on it than work ones.  But they require me to carry the little bastard of a phone around.  And so I require them to pay for it.  It's a corporate phone.  If I ever leave, they get to keep the phone.  Right now, that is reason enough to blow this joint and find another job.

Now before you get all jealous of having one less bill to pay.  Let me tell you, it's a pain in the arse.  The screen on my phone has died and the phone only holds a charge for about a half a day before it starts beeping "LOW BATTERY."  I wouldn't actually know if it is the low battery or a bomb ticking off since I don't have a screen to look at - only a black dark phone that is a reminder of how much it sucks to have a work cell phone. 

No screen also means not being able to see my address book.   I stopped memorizing phone numbers in 1999 when I received my first cell phone.  I actually had to email Neville today to have him send me his cell phone number.  I don't even know my own spouse's phone number.  It's that bad.

So I opened a "ticket" with our not-so-competent IT department telling them this phone bit the bullet and I need a new one.  On Monday.  It is now Wednesday and I still haven't heard from them.  Since this isn't the first time that a cheap, crappola of a phone has broken on me, I already am acutely aware of how painful a process is to get a new one. 

First, IT Cell-Phone Master will come and try to "diagnose" the problem.  I can tell you now that the problem is that this sheet-tay phone is over two years old and that I'm tough on company equipment and it's BROKEN so just ORDER ME A NEW ONE already.  As you can see, I'm also a very easy customer.

Then the CP Master will tell me that the phone is in fact broken and give me two cell phone options to choose from so that he can order the new phone.  These two options will be worse than the cheapest option you get when you get the free phone with your service.  There will be no camera phone, no Razor, no Chocolate, no fancy szchmancy anything.  It will be the most basic of basic cell phones. 

Once I pick between "bad" or "worse," it will take the customer-oriented CP Master over a week to get me the new phone.  Then we'll play email tag to arrange a time in which he is at his desk so that I can walk two buildings over in high heels to pick up the new phone.   

I'll then have to take my old broken phone and my new to-be-broken phone to the Cingular store where I will beg for the technician to transfer my numbers from one phone to the other.  If I'm lucky, I'll get the right Technician on the first visit.  If I'm unlucky, I'll be emailing all of my friends and family to send me their numbers again.  And then I'll be manually entering in over 100 phone numbers in my free time.   

Now, if this wasn't a corporate phone on a corporate plan, then I could have gone down to the Cingular store on Sunday, picked out a new phone on the spot, and had the technician transfer the numbers.  I'd be talking on my new cell phone right now. 

But instead I'm listening to the ticking of the low battery, having to email my spouse instead of call him, and wait for the IT department to get off their asses and get me a new phone. 

Bet that cell phone bill doesn't look so bad now, does it?

Working Mom's Tip #1

I work from home every Friday with my little muchkin in tow.  I've been doing it since I returned from maternity leave (when Darius was a mere 12 weeks old).  With it, I've got a few tricks up my sleeve to work from home with a kiddo.  And so here I begin, my weekly working mom's tips to actually getting work done.

Working Mom's Tip #1: The Spray Bottle

Go to your nearest Dollar Tree or similar dollar store and buy a spray bottle.  You know, the empty ones that you would use to dilute Pine Sol with water.  It's only a buck and it is totally worth it.  And if you have a kid like me, he's going to break or take apart everything, so when the bottle is destroyed you won't feel bad since it only cost a buck. 

Fill the bottle with water (I fill about half way since it will be "too heavy" otherwise).  Send your child(ren) outside with the bottle and a spare rag.  And have him "wash your windows."  I can get 20-30 minutes of uninterrupted work complete.  I either sit outside with him under the umbrella while I work.  Or I sit inside on the other side of the sliding glass door where we play peek-a-boo every few minutes.   Gives me enough time to take a call or get caught up on my work email (where I average over 200 a day).

Because I can always juggle one more ball, right?

I received an email today from the President of the Board at D's preschool.  I still think its a little weird that we have a Board for a preschool.  But I also think it's weird that parents give their kids sushi.  And both of these seem common practice in Silicon Valley. 

The Board still has one opening for Marketing and Communication Board Member.  It's a part of my background and she wanted to know if she could sway me into accepting.  She plays down the responsibilties and upsells the only one board meeting a month.*

I'm so rarely at D's school, I don't know the families that well, and D's best friend, Jack, well his dad is on the board too.  So I accept.  I send back an email saying "I'm in.  Send me the details and the next meeting date/time."

And then I scroll down to see the description.

BOARD MARKETING AND COMMUNICATIONS COORDINATOR

1.      Attend board meetings, parent meetings, contribute to overall operations of preschool.

2.      Conduct annual maintenance review of preschool website and coordinate updates and revisions as necessary.

3.      Attend public information sessions with Director to assist with marketing of preschool.

4.      Coordinate new parent 'buddy' system to assist with orientation of new preschool families.

5.      Assist with general communication to the preschool community.

Doesn't sound so bad, right?  I'm sure I spin one more plate, juggle one more ball.  I'm sick like that.  Truly, I think it is an illness.  I'm creating my own choatic life only to then bitch about how chaotic a life that I live.  Totally sickness, people.

First meeting is next month.  Wish me luck.

*Yes, there is only on board meeting a month, but another set of hours that is undetermined per month based on the activities and action items of the meetings.

Cross-posted at the Silicon Valley Mom's Blog

All in a Day's Work

5:30am the alarm on my cell phone goes off.  For the past two months, I've been using the cell phone alarm to wake up because it is less disturbing than the alarm clock.  I hit the snooze once and eight minutes later, I'm up.  Eyes half open, morning breath, sometimes wearing the same shirt that I wore to work the day before.

5:30am.  Waking up this early is hard.  I hate waking up this early.  Complete and total hatred for all things at 5:30am.  But when your other option is to sit in a hour of bumper-to-bumper Silicon Valley traffic, you'd probably pick getting up at 5:30am too.  It is the lesser of two evils.  Sort of how I feel at every Presidential election.

Getting into the office before 7am has its own pros and cons too.  I can get the freshest batch of coffee and get any work done before the rest of team meanders in around 8:30am.  It is a blissful 90+ minutes.  Similar feeling to when D is down for a nap.  I can get a whole day's work complete in 90 minutes of uninterrupted silence.  Just as with a crying baby, once the team arrives my day can quickly go downhill in terms of productivity.  I lose focus, lose time, lose patience.  And by the end of the work day, all I can think about is getting home.  Putting my feet up.  Relaxing.  I always seem to forget that home is rarely relaxing and it will be well past 9pm before I am able to put my feet up (and that will only be to better balance my laptop while working on the couch).

Dealing with rush hour on the way home, almost always puts me in a foul mood.  Then trying to get dinner on the table before 7pm is a challenge.  A challenge that most days I enjoy, but other days just feels like salt in an open wound.  Then add to the mix a picky toddler that would sustain on milk and strawberries if given the choice.  By 8pm I am deflated.  Exhausted.  At wits end.

I do not have the option of not working.  And no, we do not drive fancy cars or own a house too large for our family.  I do not wear designer clothes or go out to eat on a regular basis.  We are a middle class family that feels like we are working class.

It's a rat race in my professional world.  And it's a rat race in my personal world as well.  I am so focused on NOT failing that I think I am failing.  I certainly am not the best employee and I am most definitely not the best mother.  I not the best at anything.